Behind Closed Doors // Billie Eilish

Chapter 54

I was confused. What did Andrew see? And was that the reason Alex poisoned him? And if so, what could he have seen that was so bad that Alex felt the need to resort to such drastic measures?

I was sad as fuck. With everything going on, I missed him more than ever. If it weren't for Alex he could've still been there.

Mainly, I was extremely angry. For several different reasons. I was angry with Alex for poisoning him. I was angry with Erika because that bitch had a lot of nerve and I still didn't think that Billie told me the complete truth. I was angry with Billie for not telling me the full truth, although I guess I kind of understood. It was a tricky situation. I was angry at Andrew for trying to kill himself after all of our pacts and promises. And I was really angry at myself for being so irrational about things.

I felt guilty. It was selfish of me to be mad at Andrew. He tried. He pushed through for a long time. I was still proud of him for that. I just missed him so it really, really sucked.

I didn't know what to do with all those emotions. I wanted to hurt somebody but I also just wanted to cry. I wanted to keep thinking so that I could sort everything out in my head, but I also wanted it stop because it was very overwhelming.

-

"Hey, baby." Billie pulled me into a hug, kissing my head.

"Hey."

"Sorry that took me so long. They really fucking love to talk."

I laughed.

"No, they're sweet though. I can't complain. Fuck, I'm glad to be back in my house." She walked into her room and threw herself down on the bed.

"I swear. I missed your lights. And your bed. And your cool ass shoe rack. And this pillow." I picked up the red and black Blohsh pillow and laid beside her.

"Too bad. You don't get any of it." She took the pillow from me and turned her lights off, making it where I couldn't see anything.

"What did I do to deserve this," I asked after a minute.

"You literally haven't kissed me at all."

"Oh. You poor baby." I set my hand on her cheek and kissed her.

"I'm not a baby. I just missed you."

"My mistake," I replied sarcastically.

"You're such a bitch." She laughed, pushing me.

"You're just too much fun to mess with."

"I hope you know that from the bottom of my heart, I hate you."

I sniffed, wiping away a fake tear and then setting my hand on my chest. "That is so sweet."

She groaned. "No. Stop."

"See what I mean? This is so amusing."

"Go home."

"You—"

"Go home."

"Bil—"

"Go hooooo—"

I put my hand over her mouth. "Shut up."

"Kinky."

"You're terrible."

"I know." She laughed, putting part of her chain in her mouth and looking back down at her phone.

-

"Camilla, can I talk to you?" My mom raised her eyebrows at me.

"Yes, ma'am."

"I'm sure you've noticed..." She looked around. "Things are hard right now. I can't afford to keep this house anymore."

"So, what's gonna happen?"

"You're not gonna like it."

I raised my eyebrows but stay quiet.

"I'm gonna have to move in with your abuela... but you're not coming because Adam's there and you guys get into too much trouble together. He's dangerous."

"So, then... where am I supposed to go?"

"To your dad's house. After this school year's over."

"What? You're kidding, right?"

"No."

I tilted my head a little, still waiting for her to laugh in my face and tell me it this was a joke.

"I'm being serious, Camilla."

"No."

She raised her eyebrows at me. "What did you just say to me? It's not a choice—"

"I'm nineteen. I'm allowed to move wherever the hell I want."

"Really? You can't afford to move into your own place and if you think that anybody you know would let you move in with them, you're dead wrong. You're annoying. I doubt anybody could stand living in the same house as you. I hardly can and I gave birth to you."

I furrowed my eyebrows at her, getting ready to argue back but I had nothing to say. She was right. My dad was my only option. What would I do? Ask to move in with one of my friends? I'd be such a nuisance. I couldn't do that. I just needed to go. It wouldn't be that bad. Maybe a new start was what I needed. I'd been through so much out here. There were just so many memories, too many of them bad.

Would Billie be mad at me if I left? Maybe she wouldn't understand. Maybe I shouldn't tell her. That was wrong. Or maybe it's right. I didn't know. I didn't know if I could look at her and still decide that the best choice was to leave. I didn't know if I'd be able to go if she'd be mad at me, but I really thought that it was what I needed to do.

Damn. I was fucked. I didn't know what to do.