Suicidal Todoroki x Midoriya | What it Means to Love

37 | Behind His Smile

Izuku Midoriya

Realizing that I've zoned out for an uncomfortably long period of time, I step back as my head jumps up and alarm bells start to blare in my head. "Uh! I'm sorry for spacing out. Umm, I u-understand, so I'll leave...right now." With an uneasy grin, I wave and bolt out the door and into the hallway. "Oh, how brilliant, Deku," I mutter to myself in a whisper as I meander down the hallway towards the bathroom so I'm not awkwardly pacing down the hall or creepily sitting just outside Kacchan's room.

By some inexplicable means of luck, the bathroom is unoccupied, so I lock myself inside and turn on the faucet of the sink. The water that gushes down from the faucet and into the sink is awfully cold, but I don't really mind. I pump a slimy glob of soap into my left hand and slosh it around with the freezing water to create a slippery scene of playfully prancing bubbles.

Kacchan, do you remember when my mom got me a giant bubble wand, a big bottle of a really nice dish soap, and a plastic green tub to pour the water and soap into? I wonder, beginning to smile at my memories trickling back to me as I continue to rub my hands together under the cold water. I brought them with me when I went to play with you because I was excited to use them, and I wanted to share that with you. You looked genuinely mesmerized when I squeezed the clear soap into the tub and then used your garden hose to fill up the tub with some water. I'd never seen you smile out of pure enthrallment before—well, aside from seeing All Might on TV. When I dunked that bubble wand into the mixture I'd made and began to run with it to make a gigantic bubble, your eyes lit up. Then you started running around with it. After that, you used your quirk to send a massive explosion of bubbles everywhere! I had so much fun with you. Thinking about it now, maybe I...even l-liked you as a little m-more than a friend back then.

"I always looked up to you, Kacchan. I always wanted to be your friend. B-But you always pushed me back. I could never catch up to you and your quirk since I was quirkless." My smile widens. "But it's different now, isn't it?" I glimpse into the confident, resolute emerald eyes of my reflection. "Y-Yeah." Now that my hands have become two numb ice cubes, I fumble to turn off the faucet. "Someday, I'll surpass you and Shoto. I'll become the greatest hero."

I-I say that I'll become the greatest hero like All Might was, but is that really realistic? Not really, but I'll still strive for it! No one can take this dream away from me.

After drying off my frozen hands, I contemplate whether or not I should return to Kacchan and Todoroki yet. Knowing me, I-I've probably been here for ten minutes instead of five. I nod my head and march out from the bathroom and back to Kacchan's room.

"I ain't goin' easy on ya the next time we fight one-on-one, got it?" Kacchan growls in a baritone. "Y'know, while you're at it, why don't you get your damn act together and check in on your mom? If she were the damn nerd, would you neglect her like that?" I almost forgot that Shoto's mom is at this hospital. Huh... He hasn't seen her yet? "Shit, if this is how you treat the damn people you care about, it'd be better if you didn't care about anyone at all. Tch! You don't ignore damn Deku like this, do ya?"

Why do I always show up at the worst times? I have to ask myself as I knock on the door before Todoroki can speak. "It's me, Izuku," I announce, closing my eyes in hopes to relieve some of the tension in the air.

The room remains silent for a brief moment before Todoroki opens up the door with an expressionless mien. "S-Sorry! Did I come back too soon?" I inquire, anxiously tapping my fingers against each other.

"You never return soon enough," he gently whispers into my ear. Then, after minimally raising his shoulders, he openly states, "No."

Kacchan fires off a glare in Todoroki's direction. "Whatever... Now it's your turn to leave so I can give Deku a piece of my damn mind. Why don't you make yourself useful?" I know that Kacchan is insinuating something, but I don't know what it is.