Comatose

Inner Sanctum

Chapter 12

Curiosity getting the better of her, Angelica wandered back down the stairs until she stood in front of her high school years. She and Trent had broken up in the middle of junior year. She looked at each picture of her starting from her freshman year and working her way up. By the end of her junior year the family portrait was a bit different. There seemed to be a bit of melancholy to her smile, but that was the only noticeable change. Moving up she looked at her senior year. The air of sadness that precluded the breakup still clung to the first few images, but by her senior pictures the sadness had been replaced with something that resembled hope. She found it interesting that even though losing Trent and someone she considered her best friend had brought on a visible sorrow, the spark and glow were still present as well. Angelica had thought that if anything had begun to change her it would have been that. While clearly tragic to her younger self they hadn't been catastrophic enough to change who she was.

Moving up the stairs slowly she watched the young woman who had been looking forward to setting off towards greener pastures dim a little at a time. She remembered changing majors in college from acting to cooking, but that was only because her interests had changed. She had entered school thinking that acting and performing would be fun. She had even been in the drama club in high school and had enjoyed it enough to pursue it in her higher education. Once there however she found that becoming someone else really didn't suit her at all. She did like performing for people but, becoming something she wasn't no longer appealed to her. It was ironic though as she watched that very same thing happen to her pictures in real life. Gone was the wide eyed, if not slightly over the top adventurer she had been. Now as she stood in front of the last picture, she couldn't quite figure out how she had become dull in appearance. It wasn't that the girl looked boring just not brimming with the zest of life as she had before college. She no longer wore quaint or cute shirts but now had on a high neck sweater. Her hair had gone from a riot of waves to sleek tamed locks. Her jewelry was understated pieces that were easily unnoticeable instead of the eclectic things that had caught her eye in the store. She had begun to wear makeup too. Even that was a bare minimum and hard to notice unless you looked for it. In fact, the picture Angelica was observing looked much closer to the way she did now then any of the earlier ones had. Her stomach twisted as she began to suspect what had happened.

Backing away from the wall of photographs she continued her journey up the stairs. She walked silently down the hallway to the room that use to be hers. Standing in front of the solid oak door Angelica was reluctant to enter. The trip down memory lane, while informative, was becoming unsettling. She was scared to enter what she used to consider her inner sanctum. The one place where she kept everything that was important to her. As she turned the nob Angelica knew that this wasn't the last room she would have to visit before she was done.

Entering the room her heart clenched in her chest. She knew that after she graduated and married that her parents had upgraded her room, but here in the place she had conjured in her mind, nothing had changed. The room was a riot of color meant to inspire and encourage the imagination of her young mind. A deep burgundy plush area rug clashed with the rusty orange of the original carpet. She had hated that carpet, so Angelica had saved her allowance for months until she was able to buy the rug that she wanted. That had always been the deal between her and her parents. If it wasn't a necessity, she had to buy it herself. She had worked hard doing chores not only for her parents but others in the neighborhood as well. She scooped walks in the winter months, mowed lawns in the warmer months, walked dogs for those that were too busy, and ran errands for her elderly neighbors. She had done everything she could just to earn a few bucks here and there. It had taught her not only the importance of money, but the true value in it as well. She also tended to take better care of her things when she had to earn for them herself.

Angelica walked across the room to the canopy bed. She smiled a little as she remembered when she had first gotten it. She had been so excited when her parents bought it for her to replace the old one, she had outgrown. It used to have white lacy curtains that matched with the soft pink spread. She had loved it as a young girl. Once she was nearing high school however the delicate frills no longer matched her taste. She had gone out and purchased deep purple sheers to replace the white lace and a zebra patterned quilt had taken up residence over her bed. Fuzzy neon pillows of varying sizes and shapes were tossed recklessly at the top. A light tinkling sound drew her eye to the window as she watched the sun spinner dangle. Sunlight danced off the crystals that spiraled from the top casting an array of rainbows across the walls. Her white walls suffered the same fate as her bed as she grew up. While she wasn't allowed to repaint them, she was given permission to cover them. Humorous inspirational posters were taped up randomly about the space. None of them hung straight as she had thought it added more character if they were hung tilted in different directions. Placed between the posters were pages of celebrities she admired, or thought were cute. She had taken them out of magazines to add to her walls. Every available surface was dressed up with a brightly patterned scarf too. Some she had even dyed herself to create just the right look. Her animated alarm clock that yelled cartoonish drivel at her in the mornings sat on the nightstand next to the landline in the shape of bright red lips. Atop her dresser was the final piece. A cork board she had bought to pin a collage of candid photographs of her and her friends. Still hanging in its place was the red rose Trent had given her at the track meet. It was suspended upside down to keep the petals in place. Even after their breakup she just couldn't bring herself to throw it away. There it had remained until the first time she had brought Kevin home to meet her parents. He had wanted to see her room and she had proudly allowed him in. He hadn't quite sneered at everything, but it was clear he wasn't fond of her taste. The one thing he had done at the time was take down the long dead flower that had meant so much to her and toss it in the waste bin. The minute it had hit the tin container the rose had broken to pieces. She remembered staring at the poor thing and feeling bitter that he had done it. That memory, to her, was the worst one the room held for her.

Walking back over to the door Angelica took one last glance at the room that had inspired her youth. She felt a slight pang of pity as she realized it not longer had a place in her life. Turning back to the door she walked over the threshold leaving her dreams and aspirations behind her. The only place for them now was where they've always been, abandoned and forgotten.