GRAFFITI | Jookyun ✓

#14

~Changkyun~

"Let's sing together, your voice is beautiful Kyunnie." he said. I still heard his voice clearly as he asked me to sing with him. Tears rolled down my face as I nodded in excitement. He started singing and I tried to support his voice with mine. It sounded so beautiful. We found ourselves in a completely different world when we sang together. Our voices completed each other perfectly. I really want to stay in this moment for the rest of my life.

But reality kicked as our voices slowly faded and a familiar sound returned into my ear. I tried to sing with him, while I looked at his lips but his voice was gone, like mine as well. Only this deafening beep sound. My smile disappeared as tears ran down my cheeks, my face distorted out of pain. Again, no physical pain. Pain that only existed in my mind. Endless pain.

It broke my heart to watch him sing but not to hear his voice. I sank to the floor and cried loud. Even though I couldn't hear it myself, I knew it was loud. My throat burned, my body shaked, I was a total mess. Jooheon lifted me up and carried me to the couch. I curled up into a ball. He sat down behind me, wrapping his legs and his arms around me and we stayed like this for a while. I noticed his body shaking as well. He was crying because of me.

It doesn't take long till I felt his warm tears, that my shirt absorbed, on my skin. I make him sad and even make him cry. What kind of bad friend am I? I should be ashamed. He gives me everything and all I can give is sadness and tears? I felt so bad, I wasn't even able to cry at this point. I turned around, wiped away some tears with my thumb and caressed his hair like he did several times. He smiled at me but he couldn't hide the pain in his face.

~Jooheon~

It took a little time to process what happened a few minutes ago. He heard my voice and it was the first time I heard him singing, not only humming. His voice is so beautiful and our voices fit together perfectly. I was overwhelmed by my feeling. Seeing Changkyun crying like this made me so indescribable sad. A few minutes passed while he caressed my hair until he stood up and decided to leave a message on the wall again.

"Thank you, it was unbelievable beautiful to sing this song for and with you. It's a song I wrote."

-

"Your song is so beautiful, I love it. It's my new favourite song, Honey. I'm sorry for making you cry. It was just a bit overwhelming.🐺"

-

"No Problem, I felt the same. I'd really like to know why you suddenly hear something and then you don't. I'm really exhausted from all this. What about going to sleep, Kyunnie?🐝"

-

"Yeah, sounds like a good idea, I'm tired as well."

We walked upstairs he accompanied me to my room but left me alone. I took my medicine, brushed my teeth, used the toilet and laid down on my bed. I felt lonely. How am I supposed to sleep alone after all this? I stayed awake for at least an hour, only thinking about what happened before. I felt guilty for making him cry. So damn guilty. He deserves better. I decided to apologize, so I left my bed and walked to his room. The door was open slightly. As I peeked through the opening I saw Jooheon sitting on his bed, rolled into a ball, crying.

I was about to collapse when I saw him like that. This is all my fault. He's crying because of me. I couldn't take it anymore so I walked back into the guest room, took my bag walked downstairs and left his house. As I closed the door, I whispered a silent "sorry" before I disappeared in the dark of the street. I felt numb. That's exactly why I never had friends after my accident, I'm dragging them down with me when they try to pull me out of my black hole of depression.

The city lights were shining bright as I walked downtown. I took a little detour to calm down a bit before I went home. But is this even my home? It don't feel like this at all, more like a prison. A prison out of my own feelings. I turned the key in the lock to open the door to my dark apartment. I hate it. When I entered the room I lost all feelings. I was completely empty inside, even my face had no expression. Slowly walking, I made my way to the cold furniture, which I did not want to call bed, after I left my bag on the entrance.

I laid down on this cold bed, rolled up to a ball and stayed like this in the hope of falling asleep as soon as possible. I wanted to dream about Jooheon. Dream about how he is happy without me. It hurts, but it's better this way. I don't want him to cry because of me. I simply should have ended my life at this day instead of drawing this dumb graffiti. I really hated myself for all of this. In my head I thought of ways to kill myself, like I always used to do while lying on this bad excuse of a bed. After what felt like an eternity I managed to fall asleep despite my loud thoughts.

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God, I wrote this chapter a few weeks ago and damn this whole story is so depressive. The next story will be a crack and meme story again.