HIStory 3.5: Make Our Days Count: Love's Sacrifice

Ayi's Advice

"There's more if you want it?" asked Yu Shi Gu's aunt.

"No, it was delicious and I'm full. You didn't have to prepare so much," replied Yu Shi Gu.

"Don't worry, this is nothing. Don't forget I live in a house full of men."

Yu Shi Gu's aunt and uncle were parents to 2 twin sons, so she was already accustomed to cooking big meals. The boys and their dad had already finished and were in the other rooms, dad doing work and the boys playing video games. It was just Yu Shi Gu and his aunt at the dining room table. His aunt did not interfere too much in Yu Shi Gu's life but the one request she had after he graduated was that she wanted to prepare a home-cooked meal for him like she did when he was younger.

She was actually surprised that he agreed. Ordinarily when she would try and help, he would always decline afraid that it would be a burden on her. So, when he said yes, this time, she made sure to go above and beyond. Honestly, she wanted to do more. Lately, she had begun to reflect on her relationship with her nephew and come to realize she had not been a good aunt to him in quite some time.

Taking his hands in hers, she said "dui bu qi (I'm sorry)."

Yu Shi Gu looked at her questioningly? "Why?"

"I realize that I haven't been the best aunt to you."

"No, ayi (aunt), I appreciate all the things that you have done for me."

With tears forming she said, "No, Yu Shi Gu, ayi has not been the best aunt. I realize that when I got married and had the boys, that there was very little place in my life for you. Even though your life was already hard, without realizing, I made it harder. You had to grow up faster than the other kids your age. You began to shoulder everything and I was too preoccupied with my new life to help."

Yu Shi Gu was trying to assure his aunt and help alleviate some of the pangs of guilt she was feeling, "It's okay ayi. Look at me, I'm okay. I'm happy now. Granted it was a little later than I planned, but I graduated college. I'm about to attend graduate school. I'm on the path to fulfill my dreams. I could not have done any of that without your help."

Rubbing his hands & sobbing slightly, his aunt said, "What I'm going to say may come as a surprise, but don't you think it's time that you told Hao Ting and your friends that you're alive? I still wonder if I did the right thing 6 years ago when I made the decision to tell them you were dead. I still remember the looks in their eyes, the look in his eyes. He looked broken. I cannot believe I intentionally caused someone that much pain."

Looking into his aunt's watery eyes, trying to hold back his own tears, "Ayi, I realize we have never really talked about this, but I need you to know that at that time, you made the right decision. I thank you for doing the same thing that I would have done. There is no way I would have been able to live with myself if when I woke up, I found out that Hao Ting had given up his future just to be by my side after the accident."

"Yu Shi Gu, I understand then, but what about now? You've graduated. He's graduated. Why not tell him everything?"

"Ayi, it's been 6 years. When I regained my memory 3 years ago, I did not tell him because I did not have the right to interfere in his new life. Now 3 years later, that still has not changed. I have less right now to disrupt his life."

Looking at her nephew, his aunt shocked him with what she said next. Not because it wasn't true, but because he thought she did not know. "But you still love him, I know you do. I know that you used part of the money from the accident settlement to purchase the apartment you guys rented before the accident. I know that you have been paying someone to look after it while you were in school. I know that when you leave here, that's where you are going to stay tonight and where you have been staying since you came back. Obviously, you still love him a great deal, shouldn't you tell him?"

Looking up at the sky on the roof of the apartment, Yu Shi Gu was thinking about the words his aunt had said,

'you still love him!' His aunt said the unspoken thing that Zhi ge ge and Sun Bo wanted to ask, but did not, when they meet that afternoon. His aunt was right, Yu Shi Gu has never stopped loving Hao Ting and in the 3 years since he regained his memories, he'd come to understand just how much he loved Hao Ting.

"Baba, mama, it's been a while since I talked to you here. The first part of my dream has been accomplished. I hope you guys are proud...Baba, mama, I don't want to disappoint you, but is it okay for my dream to change? Is it okay, to feel that I would give up everything to be with him? I miss him so much. However, do I have any right telling him that I'm alive now after keeping it from him for 3 years. What if he's moved on? How selfish would I be to seek happiness but cause him pain?"