From thick to thin

#13

Ella's pov
I am disappointed in you..... Those words kept echoing in my head as I woke up from the nighmare in my mind to the nightmare which was my life.

The whole ordeal of yesterday felt like a dream, but the stained underwear, soaked pillow and inward emptiness were enough evidence of the truth I was doing my best to deny.

Several missed calls showed on the screen of my phone; it seemed Naomi, Jimmy and suprisingly also Kelly had tried to reach me; but i wasn't in the mood to talk to any of them yet. Atleast, not till i had survived what awaited  me downstairs with my mom and dad.

I had to let out this pain somehow,  I picked up my phone and began typing  a writeup to Jimmy. This was the only way I could stay sane after all this.

Let me tell you a story of an unfortunate kid
Yeah she’s unfortunate
So this kid is a broken kid with African parents who will obviously not understand
So yeah she knows she’s not the best kid out there in terms of everything concerning kids to be honest
But she swears that she doesn’t do what she does on purpose
The negative things that is
And she hates thinking about it cause it saddens her
It saddens her cause these things she does make her parents disappointed, ashamed and angry at her
Their anger breaks her heart
And she’s honestly trying to change but it’s not working
It’s no ones fault but hers
Maybe she should just go away
Away from her parents
Away from home
Cause she’s the one who gives her parents pain
Every single time
She’s the cause
And they work hard for her but she’s unable to repay them the way kids are supposed to repay their parents
She doesn’t know what to do
To stay alive and try harder
Or to kill herself and end their pain

My eyes ached as I clicked the send button.
If it is was possible to exhaust tears, then mine would have been long dried up, I didn't have enough sleep last night, all i could do was cry, but no amount of tears would bring back what I had lost.

Hearing my father say those words to me last night killed every last ounce of hope I ever had in my ever bouncing back again.  If only they knew what really happened, maybe they won't have reacted the way they did or maybe they would have. Either ways, I was sure that whichever reaction they gave it would end in disappointment.

Tears began to flow again. what if I had left earlier?  what if I didn't have a fight with kelly and took a bus as I had planned? what if I just came back home straight?

I got up from my bed and made my way to the sitting room, sure to myself that my parents were already waiting for me downstairs, and true to my words, my mom was already downstairs but my dad was no where on sight.

That's good, I thought to myself, there's no way i would be able to look him in the face anymore, I avoided all eye contacts with my mom as i said a quick good morning ma, making my way to the kitchen, which was an effort in futility.

"Amarachi come and sit down "

She beckoned to me. I slowly headed for the chair amd sat.

I wasn't ready for another episode of questioning which would only bring back memories and lies, i wasn't sure I could take it anymore. At this junction i felt useless, like I wasn't needed anymore.

"Amarachi, you know I love you"

She leaned closer to me, putting her hand over my shoulder, this was strange but she continued.

" You know i want the best for you."

"We were just scared for you yesterday, you know you shouldn't have come back so late yesterday."

"I'm sorry mummy." i busted into a fit of tears, she held me closer to herself

"Don't cry hehnn my daughter."

I was over joyed, was my mom finally accepting me?

"Oya sit down, let's talk."

I sat up, wiping the tears from my eyes, regaining composure.

"So where do you go with that boy, what is his name sef?"

"Jimmy ma."

"Ok, so where did you go to?"

"We went to buy the material for his vs (valendatory service)  in the market with his younger sister "

which was true except for the fact that his sister didn't follow us

"Alright...is he your boyfriend?"

"Ah! no ma." i lied

"Amarachi are you sure? "

"Yes ma." doing my best to sound convincing.

"Ok, Is that all that happened yesterday?"

"Yes ma"

The thought of telling my mom about  the horrors of yesterday crossed my mind, but I held myself.  I couldn't bear to see the look in her eyes.

"Ok my dear, pls be careful, you know you're already becoming a lady, don't let anybody touch you o"

Alas! If only she knew.  Her words felt like bullet, shattering me to pieces.  but she continued.

"You know it's a sin to have sex before marriage, please don't bring shame to this family, you know you're my only daughter, so I too can be proud that I gave my daughter out as a virgin, that means you came from a good home, not like all those useless girls who are sleeping around "

Shame, guilt. that was all I could feel.

"Promise me that you will keep yourself ?"

"I promise"  i felt like a fraud, my heart was broken.

And with that she grabbed me into a hug, but just my body because my soul was already dead.

"Alright, I'm sorry for overreacting, don't worry when your father comes back we'll go to..."

"Aunty Ella! Aunty Ella!" My younger brother hopped into the sitting room room excited, cutting my mom short.

"Can't you see I'm talking to your sister!" she scolded him.

He recoiled into his shell.

"But there's somebody at the door that wants to see aunty Ella ."

"Who?"  i asked wondering it could be

"He said his name is Jimmy, that he's from your school."

" that boy again!!!" my mom shouted beside me.
I'm dead.....