Leo's Broken

...so many voices in my head

I thought this was pretty true...Maybe I should push someone down the stairs and see if they move like slinkies too! (Just kidding dudes)

Also who is excited about the DISNEY PLUS SERIES!!!! Finally we can get some quality entertainment with our favorite characters and story. uwu

Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus. They belong to the lovely Rick Riordan.

(Trigger Warning for self harm)

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I froze and looked down at the blood still pouring out of the wound that I made. I did that. And the voices were quiet now but still there. As if they were waiting to see what I would do. And I didn't know what to do.

I've never felt guilty about it before. All the other times I'd done it because I felt like I deserved it. But I was finally getting better! I was out of that mindset and was getting on with my life. Jason helped me so much at the Wilderness School. He asked me about what I thought about before and tried to stop the thoughts.

He told me that I had to clear my mind and breathe. I started with that. Slowing down my breathing until it was at an even rate of speed. I read somewhere about the 4,7,8 breathing exercise. 

In for 4.

Hold for 7.

Out for 8.

I repeated the process until I could focus on what needed to be done. I wanted to tell somebody, but then I'd have to explain and I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. I needed to fix my arm first. 

I took away the towel and saw an uneven jagged line going from just below my wrist up my forearm. I winced at how much blood there was but I knew it required stitches. Luckily I knew how to do stitches so I sat down and pulled a sterile needle and some thread out of my tool belt.

I took a shaky breath and began stitching up my arm. I finished about an hour later(I don't know how long it would take) and put away the supplies. I wrapped some gauze around it and glanced over at a clock. It was almost 6 in the morning and I should probably go to breakfast.

(Bold are the evil thoughts)

Maybe you shouldn't eat breakfast. You don't deserve food since you didn't work last night. 

I was attacked by a monster. I couldn't help it and Annabeth got rid of it. I'll just work more tonight to make up for it. No big deal.

No you have to skip breakfast and work because you don't need food. All you have to do is work. That's all your good for. Just the lonely repair boy. The one that no one wants.

I covered my ears and tried to block out the negative thoughts. They had never been this bad before.

You horrible worthless loser. No one needs you. No one wants you here. Why don't you run away? Or better yet kill yourself.

No! Get out of my head! I tried to drive away the voices and ignore them but it was hard when they were shouting in my ear. I didn't want to die. I had friends here. I had people who cared about me and wanted me. But no matter how hard I tried to block them, they just kept chanting.

I ran out of the bunker and down to the pavilion for breakfast, ignoring the strange looks I got from the other campers. I got some food and scraped some into the fire, asking my father for help. I didn't know if he'd answer or not, but I was hoping he'd at least listen to me. I sat down and ate my food while my head kept telling me these awful things.

I noticed Annabeth giving me a worried look but I shrugged her off. After breakfast I walked back to the bunker to start work. 

I worked for hours but couldn't keep focused. There was constant chatter in the back of my brain and none of it was good. I guess I'm stuck with them but trying to ignore them is difficult, especially when talking to people. I guess Annabeth saw something was up so she walked over to me.

"Hey Leo. How are you feeling after, you know." I nodded, then realized she asked a question.

"Oh, uh. I'm fine. Great actually! I figured out a way to attack Festus's head to the front of the ship and have him control the ship so he can-"

"That's not what I meant but I'm happy about Festus. I meant how are you feeling?" She asked again while raising an eyebrow at me.

"Uh, well." I debated if I should tell her about the voices. Then I realized she'd think I was crazy and would lock me up in a mental institution. "I'm fine. It was a rough morning but it got better." I prayed that the half-truth was enough to convince her.

"Alright. Please talk to me about anything. You know I won't judge you or degrade you. Talk to me OK?" Then she ruffled my hair which was VERY OFFENSIVE. I take pride in my hair. How dare she touch my hair. I huffed in annoyance and she laughed as she walked away. She knows that I love my hair.

I turned back to the work ahead of me and smiled. No matter what I'd always have a friend, even if it didn't feel like I did.

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Just so you all know I don't have depression or suicidal thoughts or self-harm. This just comes from the other fics I've read and making my own version. My only issues are super low self-esteem but whatever.

Another thing is I'm not going to write 1,000 word minimums anymore. I'll just write however much I feel a chapter needs. Forcing myself to write 1,000 words each time is just making filler sentences and I don't like that. So possibly shorter chapters or longer depending on what I'm feeling but it'll be better quality.

Thank you so much for reading! Have a fantastic day!