"Why are you doing this?! Where are we going?!" Selena shouted at me as soon as I hung up the phone.
I reflected on how this all must appear to her. I'd just killed both of the people Grabenstein had sent to get her and now we were on the run. The truth of course, was that I didn't know where we were going, just that we had to go somewhere else.
"I already told you, we couldn't stay at my house. And why? Because which would you rather do? Go back to playing prisoner in some basement, or be able to be free?"
She was in hysterics and hyperventilating. "Is this FREE? Killing people and unable to stay in one place?! Cause if that's what it is, I think I'd rather be a prisoner."
I knew she didn't mean what she said, she was probably just completely lost right now, and I couldn't really blame her if she was. Still though, she needed to understand that I wasn't messing around.
I stepped on the brake and swerved the car off to the side of the road suddenly.
"Okay then! You want to go back there?! We haven't driven that far, you can probably still catch some of the other people Grabenstein sent for you and get kidnapped again if you hurry!" I yelled.
She shook her head violently. "No! No... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm just..." She trailed off. "So lost right now."
I put my foot down on the accelerator once more and pulled back onto the road.
"I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for all of this. You just really..." I tried to search for the right words in this situation. "...you just have to trust me on this, okay?"
She made no kind of movement to signify that she'd heard me.
"Okay?" I reemphasized.
She shook her head. "I just don't... I don't see why you had to kill those guys. I think you could have just hurt them instead."
"I'm sorry for that, too. I was trying to protect you. It was my first instinct to eliminate them. It was the easiest way to ensure they didn't hurt you." I tried to explain myself as best I could.
"I know... I know... I understand. I mean I don't but..." She cut herself off. "Look at me, I'm asking you to apologize for saving my life when I should be thanking you. I'M sorry."
Man, I'd really fucked up on this whole 'new me' thing I had resolved to do for Selena last night when I'd been drinking. Leaving this life behind? This life of killing and senseless violence all for a pay check? And what had I done the very next morning? Kill two people within twenty minutes. Smooth.
I shook my head. "You shouldn't have to thank me for anything. I got you into this, and I feel like I have to get you out. That's all."
"But why? I'm sorry for asking again, I just don't understand. Why save me, why go through all of this when you could have just left me for him?"
Of course the reason I hadn't answered before was because I didn't know how to answer it. I could answer it in my head, but it just sounded crazy to say out loud. Sooner or later I'd have to figure out a way to say it.
"Because that's not what you deserve." I settled on, for now.
It seemed to satisfy her, for the time being anyway.
I decided to settle down somewhere for a bit, just to get my head clear and formulate a plan. I chose a sparsely populated parking lot for a hiking trail just outside of the city.
It was interesting that Selena didn't even ask why we were stopping. She was just going along with whatever I did.
After a time of just sitting there in the lot, she finally spoke.
