chapter sixteen | documenting choosing happiness

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this chapter's dedicated to my friend emma. thank you for being my webtoon/ exercise/ book buddy <3 

kindly let me know of any mistakes/typos, and enjoy the chapter! xx

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"I was so upset, I forgot to be happy."

- Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh

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I left Bryson's place before any of the others did. Not gonna lie, part of me was relieved since Chris was trying to convince everyone to watch a new horror-thriller film that had just been digitally released. I could stand bit of horror, but it wasn't something I really wanted to get into tonight. I had to get home to Papa before he went to bed. I had to. My recent talk with Suzie was never something I brought up, and judging by the dynamic of our relationship with her these past years, my hasty note was probably not enough to quell the confusion he must have had when we woke to a box of things from her.

I arrived home to a mostly dark and silent apartment, aside from the glow coming from Papa's room and the faint noise of his bedroom TV.

"Papa? I'm home!" I peeked my head in only to find Suzie's box of things sitting on top his bed, but no Papa to be found. "Papa?"

His muffled voice called out from in the hall, "Bathroom!"

"I'll go change and come back then," I replied, but feeling a pull towards the box, I stepped inside his bedroom instead. Everything was still in there, and it was more neatly organized than when I had stuffed everything inside in my rush to get to school. The black dress was there, too, folded beneath the package of M&M's that had already been infiltrated. Then, an idea struck me.

I had just closed the door to my own bedroom when Papa came out of the bathroom. I called to him that I'd be out in a minute and quickly stripped off my clothing, ignoring the wisps of guilt that began to gather in my heart as I reached for the black dress and pulled it over my head. The bodice of the dress was comfortable in a velvet-like fabric, but it was a bit too big on my form. The sides of the dress needed to be taken in a little, and there was definitely some extra room in the chest area. Otherwise, tying the string around the waist helped to better fit the dress's hourglass silhouette to my figure. The skirt, made of a flowy polyester, landed right below my knees. I couldn't help but do a small spin and revel in the feel of the fabric gliding around my legs. The necklace, its weight something I constantly took notice of throughout the day, moved with me. The neckline was just low enough to make the necklace visible. I gripped it as I took a look in the mirror behind my door.

I let out a laugh.

My current state didn't do the dress justice. My hair was a mess from my knitted hat and just the general course of the day. Practically all my baby hairs were out, and there were strands of my hair sticking loose out of my braid. My lips were dry and cracked from my constant mouth breathing. What little makeup I did wear had all essentially been rubbed off; there were even bits of dry mascara on my cheek. I'd really have to enlist London's help to make sure I did Evellyn's dress justice during the party because my current look was definitely not cutting it.

I didn't have much time to even attempt to spruce myself up when I heard Papa call for me again. "Darce, where are you, honey? I want to talk to you."

In an attempt to not look so disheveled, I quickly wiped the flakes of mascara off my cheek and fumbled around my bedside table for some lip balm before sweeping out into the hall towards Papa's room. I stopped abruptly, just outside his door, and took a deep breath before stepping in.

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