16 | noah

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Standing on the Rhodes' front porch, a rush of nostalgia takes me over and captures me in a state of déjà vu

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Standing on the Rhodes' front porch, a rush of nostalgia takes me over and captures me in a state of déjà vu. It's hard to believe it's been years since the last time I was here. I can still remember the first time I'd stood on this very porch, thinking back to how nervous I'd been, even though Blake and I hadn't started pursuing a relationship quite yet.

A flare of nerves course through my veins as I realize that I'm standing on Blake's front porch, I'm at her house, I'm going to see her. It's a lot to take in, to say the least.

My father joins me, Caroline trailing after him with Charlotte in her arms. Dad rests a hand on my shoulder and offers me a knowing smile, his eyes gleaming with concern. I force a smile in return, hoping it looks reassuring. The last thing I need right now is for my dad to think that I can't handle seeing Blake and her family. After all, I'm an adult now. My dad shouldn't have to worry about me.

"Why don't you ring the doorbell, Noah?" Dad suggests, teasing me. "For old times sake."

"Why not?" I mumble. I extend a hand and press a fingertip to the doorbell without a second thought.

Only a second later, I find myself wishing I had given the action second thought. Maybe then I could have prepared myself for the sight standing before me now; maybe then I wouldn't be left speechless and nothing but a jumble of nerves.

Blake opens the door, the sight of her taking my breath away. I study her appearance, gaze wandering over her now straight blond hair to her t-shirt and shorts, trailing her legs before rising back up to her brown eyes, surprised to find them already staring into my own.

Blake's expression is caught off guard, indicating that she hadn't been expecting to see me. Her brown eyes widen as they hold my stare, lips parting in surprise. For a moment the two of us stand in silence, merely staring at the other.

I clear my throat, though my voice still wobbles when I mutter, "Hi."

Blake's expression is pinched as she mumbles, "Uh, hey." I notice that she is quick to regain her composure, glancing over at my parents and greeting them with a wide smile. "Come on in you guys," she says warmly. "Everyone is in the backyard, but you know the drill. Hi Charlotte!"

Charlotte beams up at Blake, shaking a pudgy little hand in a wave. Blake offers her a smile that makes her all the more beautiful in my eyes. My heart feels as if it stills in my chest as I stare at the girl I used to know so well, realizing that I've missed out on years of her life. What Blake and I had in our past doesn't matter. I'm hit with the sudden realization that Blake Rhodes is now a stranger to me.

"I think we're going to head out back," my dad says. I remain in the doorway as he and Caroline walk off, leaving me alone with Blake.

I slide my hands into the pockets of my jeans, unsure of what to do with them. I feel awkward standing next to Blake, completely self-aware. It's ironic to me that there are so many things I wish I could say to her, yet I can't seem to find a single word to say to her in the moment.

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