The Irrefutable Flame⎪✓

❨18❩

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Pouring every fucking ounce of love into the kiss, she moans against my lips and the sound vibrates down to my crotch. Groaning by how she wiggles her pussy against me, I grab behind her head, kissing her and exploring every crevice of her delicious mouth. The mint on her tongue has me weak in the knees and I fucking love having her here with me again. 

Her cold hands grab my wrists and she pulls away gently, I place my forehead on hers and indulge in the mixed heavy breathing. Every part of me is begging to have her, but I know we should be careful around each other. This isn't some quick fuck she is more to me than that, and I want this to last. 

"We need to talk about this, Lij," She whispers against my lips and I nod my head reluctantly. "I need to know what went wrong."

Having her ask these questions reopens wounds I would rather keep closed, the pain from these past few years throbbing through my skin and I look into her understanding eyes. The way she gazes into my soul, her ability to calm me down on the worst days. These are some of the things I've missed about her, she simply knows, she always fucking does. 

"Shit, Dakota," I say and rub my head harshly, she grabs my hand in her smaller ones and I smile sadly at her intrigued eyes. "You don't know half of the shit that has happened."

She shakes her head lightly and adjusts herself on the counter, "I don't. You're right. But I want to know, Elijah."

The deep hole in my heart expands and I bring her soft hands to my lips, kissing them lightly as I try to collect my painful train of thoughts. Something about this moment feels delicate and extremely intimate, both of us in this dimly lit house, no space between us. It feels right. No part of this feels off and I find myself falling even more for this grey-eyed woman in front of me. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and I realize she's patiently waiting for me to speak up.

"That day where you came to the apartment, you know, before you left Barnsley?" I ask and she nods her head. "That was the beginning of my life spiraling completely."

I take a deep broken breath and she squeezes my hand, "You don't have to tell me, Lij."

"I want to," Meeting her eyes to let her know I'm serious. It's difficult to relive all the nightmares and I know my therapist would be proud of me right now. I sought out a therapist after everything and she has been amazing at helping me. Telling people I love will allow me to let go of some of the weight in my heart. "Three nights before that day I received a call from the hospital, they told me to come down there because Matilda had been injured. None of them told me what had happened before I rushed down there. She was laying in bed all bruised up and the terror written in her expression... it frightened me, she refused to tell me and gestured for the nurse to do it. She was..." I pause not knowing if I can say that word. That one single fucking word that ruined my sister completely. "She was... raped."

"Elijah..." Dakota tightens her grip on my hand and the pained look on her face brings all the grief back. Tilly didn't deserve any of the shit that happened to her, that despicable and fucking vile creature stole something from her and it wasn't his to take. It was hers to give. He destroyed that choice for her, he ripped her innocence away from her and she was tortured by that night on repeat in her mind. I read her journal and those horrific words and descriptions will eternally haunt me. 

"He took Tilly from me. The happy girl with hopes and dreams for her future of becoming a doctor, he wrecked the ambitious and stubborn little sister of mine, leaving only a shell of her in the hospital bed. She was embarrassed and completely hopeless, her voice changed, her demeanor changed, she stopped joking. They took her away from me after the incident, saying that I wasn't responsible enough to ensure her safety. Those fuckers placed her in foster care where no one cared shit about her, she was left alone with every torment she had gone through," My voice grows helpless and I ground myself by feeling Dakota's soft skin against my hands, hearing her breaths fill up the silent room. 

Her arms wrap around my waist and she places her head in the crook of my neck, leaving small kisses to distract my mind. My arms move on instinct and hugging her to me gives me that last bit of strength to say these next words. These words will forever ruin me and pull me into that dark place again, they will always be a reminder of what that faceless monster caused. Taking a ragged breath as tears suddenly fall endlessly down my face, the agony in my heart grows and constricts, "My Tilly... killed herself."

Dakota stiffens against my body and I find myself comforting her, these words will destroy anyone who hears them. Tilly was so troubled and had no chance of escape, her friends left her because she became depressed, she stopped showing up to school after everyone overheard what had happened to her. My little sister saw no other way out of her misery, than to end it completely and leave me to suffer the consequences and live through the absolute torture of losing that little girl I've loved since the day mom brought her home from the hospital. 

That one girl who barged in on the coffee date between Dakota and I when we had to do an assignment in high school. Tilly promised me then to keep her unnecessary questions to herself, only to completely discard that promise when she kept asking Dakota about her eye color and everything else from earth to sky. The sight of them together warmed my heart back then, and the memory of that one day breaks my heart. Tilly kept talking about Dakota after that, never once stopping and asking me what I thought. She was fascinated with her and I loved it. 

I miss that girl so much it physically hurts my heart and makes it impossible for me to breathe, that girl was the fucking light of my life and she ended her own because of utter sadness and helplessness. I stopped fighting underground instantly after her death, she never wanted me in that ring and I had the opportunity of fulfilling one of her wishes. Choosing to become a firefighter and help people, that distraction wasn't and will never be enough to mend my heart, but I choose to believe that she is proud of me. 

"It breaks my heart, Lij," She whispers and grabs my cheeks in her hands, tears are streaming down her beautiful face and it helps me to see others sad about it. No one showed up at her funeral, I was the only one mourning the incredible life of Matilda Black. I needed someone to feel as horrible about it as myself, not one single person did. 

Placing my forehead against Dakota's, I close my eyes as silent tears stream down my face as well. My heart feels empty, the idea of never seeing Tilly again completely destroying me. I've had a lot of therapy to work through it, but I will always have days where everything falls down again. This feels like one of those days, "Mine is already broken, love."

*********

Fuck ... I'm sorry, guys. Currently sobbing...