I would always try to reach for one's hand-yet my demons make me choose to be comforted by these tears alone. Somehow I got used to it, but it feels like I'm lifting tons of weight in my chest and my heart's on the verge of breaking down.
This loneliness is a vice on my heart, squeezing enough pressure to be a constant pain. It kills me every day just a little bit more, taking away my once inner light and replacing it with a darkness that overshadows me in every single moment.
In a place full of people, there is no one to accompany me. No, not even the wind as it howls and screeches its way past a damaged lamp post-leaving me to mourn my way through a dark alley alone. No, not even my thoughts that are damaging my soul instead of keeping up with me as I walk my way home.
The overwhelming void had dragged me into a hole where no one can even see nor hear me. Where no one could ever notice how I vanished into my own world. Where no one could ever hear my cries in every moment, when I feel like the world turned its back on me. It's just me and myself, barely noticing the silent voices of strangers.
It was like the whole city was suddenly dressed into mourning black. The few hopes I kept had slowly diminished into the darkening distance. Each person among the streets had become invisible but I can still feel their presence. I tried to reach for another hand, but I couldn't.
Being too withdrawn and distant, loneliness crippling in every thought had got me into a much worse state. I once had my own light-enough to give some to others, but now I'm craving for atleast a tiny spark-yet it's hard to find when you're underneath the soil of deep wariness.
I just wanted to find the right place where I could light a fire for my dying match. I just wanted to find the right people to share my fire with without the fear of someone blowing it away. I just wanted life to make me feel like home. I just wanted a sun to illuminate this unlit city. I just wanted to catch sight of everyone once more.
I just wanted to belong somewhere, but is it even possible?
