John Lennon one shots

When I Lost You

December 8th, 1980. That was a day that would stay with me forever. The day started normal, John and I cuddled in bed for an hour before our children came into us for some cuddles, we cuddled our children before we got up and made breakfast.

"So what's the plan for today baby?" I asked turning to look at him, "well I have the interview all morning and then the studio this afternoon" he said sweetly as he held our five year old son, "so you'll be back for dinner tonight then?" I asked as he nodded sitting down with the kids, I plated up our breakfast and we all ate.

Two hours later he left for the interview and I stayed home with the children, I taught them and played before I looked up at the clock and saw that Mimi was on her way to baby sit the kids so I could join John at the studio. Once she arrived I left and met John at the studio, we walked in hand in hand and I sat and watched him happily as we laughed and cuddled whilst he listened back to his album, "baby it sounds amazing, it's so so good" I smiled kissing him softly as he kissed me back blushing, "thank you my love, I'm proud of it, I can't wait for the future, I'm so excited" he bounced happily as he smiled at me. I smiled back wrapping my arms around him as the night went by slowly, "let's go, I wanna wish the kids goodnight" he smiled and got up holding my hand as we left the studio and began to walk home.

We made our way home and I heard, "LENNON!" being called, we both ignored it and within a second I heard five gunshots and John screaming, "I'VE BEEN SHOT!" I saw my husband staggering up the steps of the Dakota which is where we lived, I ran and caught him before he could touch the floor, "JOHN!" I began to sob as I held him close putting pressure on the wound, "stay with me baby please I....I can't lose you!" I cried, he looked up at me weakly, his eyes meeting mine as he weakly placed his hand on top of mine, "my darling girl, you....you made me the happiest man in the world.....remember that I love you......please please make our kids happy just like you do anyway, tell them daddy loves them so much, I love you" he whispered as tears escaped his eyes and I knew he was scared and I was too. I held him close as I sobbed, "don't say that baby, don't say that, you're gonna make it, you're gonna be okay" I whimpered as the paramedics came and lifted him up on the stretcher and into the ambulance, I sat beside him keeping my hand over his heart with the pressure on the wound, "you make me the happiest woman on earth, I love you baby, the kids love you, you're loved and I want you to remember that" I sniffled as we arrived at the hospital, once there I walked with him as he looked up at me, "I love you" he whispered closing his eyes, "I love you too" I whimpered before he was taken to surgery. After four hours the surgeons came out and looked at me sadly and I knew instantly he was gone, I screamed and fell to the floor sobbing, "no no no NO NO!!" I screamed, "I'm sorry Mrs Lennon but your husband sadly lost a lot of blood and there was nothing we could do to have saved him" the surgeon said softly before I got up and went to the morgue, the Porter pealed back the sheets and I gazed down sadly at my husbands pale, lifeless face, I reached down and grabbed his freezing cold hand, "I love you so much baby, my heart belongs to you and it always will, I will never let our children forget you, I will talk about you forever, I will think of you always, John, never forget that I love you" I whispered and broke down sobbing laying my head onto his cold chest letting my tears fall onto his skin. I was with his body for two hours, I didn't want to leave but I had to go to the kids and to Mimi, I left the hospital crying, I ran past the media and fans as I stormed up the stairs and into the apartment, I saw the kids with Mimi fast asleep and I broke down harder, the kids began to wake up as our youngest son looked at me and frowned, "mummy what is it?" He asked coming over to me, I picked him up and held him to my chest sitting down, "I don't know.....I don't know how to tell you this.....but......daddy......daddy's been sh....shot.....he's dead" I sobbed heavily as all of the children began to cry, I held them all close as we cried, Mimi came over and held me and the kids as she cried, I put the little boy on the seat beside me as I got up and went over to the photos on the mantle shelf, I picked up mine and John's wedding photo from 1960, we were 18 when we married, we were 16 when we got together, had our first child at 20 and so on, "I love you baby" I whispered kissing the photo as I held it to my chest walking over to the phone letting the others know what had happened, Ringo told me he was on his way over, I knew the kids weren't gonna sleep in their own rooms so I decided they were gonna share with me, I didn't want to sleep alone, it was gonna be the first night without John but in the past he always came home but this time he was never going to return.

I took the kids to our room and put them to bed and got them all to sleep by singing to them, I left the room and went to Mimi laying my head on her lap, "I miss him" I sniffled staring into the distance I could hear fans singing the songs he'd written and although it was sweet they were remembering my husband it was also heartbreaking because he wasn't here to hear it and I'd just lost my husband so it was hard for me to hear his voice so soon, "I miss him too dear, but he's up there with his mother, his uncle, his father, but most importantly he's watching over you and the children, he's always going to be in your heart" she whispered, I lifted my head and saw our youngest son and I knew he woke up crying, I beckoned him over and held him close, "daddy loves you and your siblings so so much, he told me to tell you that and I know for a fact that daddy's proud of you all, I'm proud of you all, when you want to be close to daddy, look up at the stars or the clouds and he'll be there, daddy's sat up on a cloud watching over us, guiding us through life" I whispered softly as my son looked at me sadly, "will you ever love again mummy?" He asked as I shook my head, "no I won't because daddy was and will always be the love of my life, daddy is the one I'll only want and need and although he's gone to the angels now I know he loves me and that I'm his only one still" I said gently as Paul turned up without warning.

"Lucy love you've got the press wanting to talk but I've told them you're not in the mood too" he said softly as he came in and hugged me and my son, I began to cry into Paul's shoulder, "he's gone!" I sobbed flashbacks playing in my mind, he rubbed my back and held me not knowing what to say. After ten minutes I pulled away and he went to the kids and I took my five year old down to look for Ringo, we got down there and I was bombarded with questions, "today, December 8th 1980, my husband John Lennon was shot five times and died in hospital an hour after the assination, I would appreciate it if you respect the privacy of me, my children, his family and his friends in this difficult time, thank you" I sniffled crying as my son hid his face and I heard him crying, I turned round and walked back upto the appartment and waited for Ringo, once he turned up he held me as I cried and he held the kids as they cried and soon George appeared and held me as I looked up at the stars sobbing.

Life for me and the children wasn't the same after John died, it wasn't the same for the lads either or anyone, I looked up everynight at the stars and spoke to him, I felt him there holding me close to him, I felt his lips on my neck, I felt him, I never married again, I couldn't, I was sorely devoted to John. The children had long left home, they all made a life for themselves, I knew John was proud of the kids and I knew he was proud of me, the children never went a day without hearing a story about John, I'd tell them what he was like when we first got together, we'd have a celebration of his life on his birthday and the anniversary of his death but for me that day caused me too much pain, too much pain that I'd end up sobbing in the corner of the room.

December 8th 1980, a day I'd never forget.