Crazy Love (mxm)

Chapter Thirty-Three

James' POV

A month without Carter finally hit.

I missed him with everything that I did. I missed Ronan just as much. The pain hadn't lessened one bit. On the day that Ronan was supposed to go to preschool, I couldn't even leave my own room.

There was a change, though. I felt much better about myself these days. I hardly craved alcohol, and when I did, it was overridden with the memory of letting Ronan get hurt. I was healthier than ever. With my new appreciation for exercise and the manual labor at work, I'd somehow become even more cut than ever. Which Dillon was insanely jealous of.

Things were falling into place. I spent more time with Dillon's friends than my own, which helped to keep me out of trouble.

"Declan is dating this guy," Dillon gushed, holding his phone up. "He's stupid hot. And also, he kind of looks like you."

I straightened up and glanced over. "Really? Is he hotter?"

The picture on the phone did not look like me. The guy was tan with black hair and a serious expression. He looked boring.

"What..." I trailed off, because now I had many questions. "That's hot to you? You think I look like him? What?"

Dillon shrugged. "Well, yeah. He looks like he's from England, though."

"Dillon, people don't just look like they're from England."

"Have you seen his t-shirt?"

I shoved Dillon's face and then felt a wave of random sadness.

Shit. Carter. As much as I tried to forget, it hit me sometimes.

Ugh. I hated random sadness.

"So...did you think about my offer?" I asked, trying to give Dillon puppy dog eyes. "About...the thing?"

Dillon flopped on the couch and basically started making out with Fifi. They were disgusting. I hated both of them.

"I'm not going to contact Carter, James."

I flopped next to him and subtly put on Ouran High School Host Club. Dillon didn't know it, but he was steadily working through a shit ton of anime in his free time.

"I don't want you to be weird about it," I tried to clarify. "I just...I want to know how Ronan's doing in preschool."

Dillon shot me a look. "No. You're in love with him and you want him back. Be real with yourself."

That was true. When did Dillon grow up and get smart?

...Or maybe it was just obvious.

"He's been going for a few days now," I continued. "Marissa's post on Facebook implied that he really liked it, but this is Ronan we're talking about. No way everything's perfect. They probably don't let him have Bobbie naked, or he can't play with cars violently, or he's mad he can't wear those stupid dino pajamas that he's obsessed with."

Dillon was looking at me very judgmentally. "James. If you seriously miss them that much, what are you doing with your life?"

Harsh, but true. I sank back into the couch and sighed. "I know. But I don't know how to get over him."

Dillon literally facepalmed. "I meant go get the man, stupid."

"Huh?"

"James!" Dillon flailed his arms a little, got absorbed in the show, and then shook himself out of it. "Sorry. James. Not to make assumptions, but Carter loves you too, right?"