Crazy Love (mxm)

Chapter Thirty-Five

James' POV

There wasn't exactly the same throbbing pain that I'd felt on the way to the hospital, but I wasn't exactly comfortable. But Carter was here to take away my discomfort. The look in his eyes — filled with happiness and confidence and desire for me and a life together — was enough to make me feel perfect.

The determination in his eyes didn't fade when he said, "We should talk, though."

Instinctual reaction to those words made my stomach sink. But then I realized that we really did need to talk. "Yeah. We should. You can start, if you want."

He needed to start, because I had no idea what to say to him. I was so happy he was here. I was so happy we were together. In my brain, this couldn't be better.

A hospital employee — my go-to was 'nurse', but I thought everyone in a hospital was a nurse — poked her head in. "Hi. Is it alright if we set an appointment date for your cast? We need to give your arm at least a week for the swelling to go down, so you'll have to find a date in your sch—"

"Lady, can't you tell that we're having a romantic discussion?" I snapped.

Her eyes went wide. "Oh. Um. Sorry. I'll give you a few more minutes."

She left.

The problem was, I had no idea if we really were having a romantic discussion. Actually, Carter was looking at me with the intensity of a professor about to deliver a lecture.

"I did research yesterday," he began, proving my observation to be scarily accurate. "Um, in the library. On alcoholism."

Oh. This wasn't going to be good. Despite the weeks of trying to do better and be a better man, my heart sunk. "You did?"

He took a shaky breath. "I can't believe I sat you down on the couch and just told you to quit for me."

I blinked a few times, trying to decipher the meaning of that. Partly, pain meds were making my mind a little foggy. But also partly, I was trying to remember if that was how he had phrased it. It didn't seem like it.

"Why?" I asked, because I was confused about why asking me to not be an alcoholic fuck-up was such a bad thing. "I should. Also, didn't I offer to quit?"

Carter almost looked guilty, which was ridiculous. There weren't any reasons for Carter to feel guilty.

"Yeah, but I basically told you I was thinking about breaking up with you because of your alcoholism. And your response was to try to quit for me."

I didn't see why that was an issue.

"Well..." I awkwardly segued, "I've been sober for three weeks now. You didn't ask me to do that."

His eyes softened. He found my hand, gave it a squeeze, and I nearly melted into a puddle. God, I'd missed him.

"I'm happy for you," he said softly. "And I'm glad it was on your terms. I was wrong to expect you to suddenly overcome an addiction for me. Of course you're going to have moments of difficulty. And in this moment of difficulty, with your mom, you went to the bar instead of me."

My heart dropped out of my chest. "I know, I'm so sorry. I... I went to the bar that whole week. And I lied about it. I'm so sorry, I'll do better next time—"

"No, that's the thing." He'd spoken so harshly that I thought he was mad, but his eyes were shining with that same unwavering expression. "You hid it from me because I wasn't someone you could be yourself around. I don't want to hold this ultimatum over your head; me or the alcohol. That's just toxic. When you feel like you're going to crumble, I don't want to be someone you have to hide from. I want to be someone you can turn to."

Holy shit. I hadn't realized how much pressure I'd put on myself to be better until it disappeared. And all of a sudden, I was launching out of bed and into his arms. I tucked my sling against my chest and gratefully let Carter wrap his arms around me.

I'd missed the feel of his body against mine. We fit together perfectly.

"I love you," I said, because the words felt amazing to say. And then I added, "And...I know you don't want to pressure me to be different, but I really am trying. It's the first month in a lot of months where I can honestly put extra money away in the bank. I made a self-publishing account with Kindle, and Dillon is helping me with advertising. I'm gaining respect at work and friends who aren't total crackheads..."

He leaned up and kissed me. I found it awfully hard to suppress my smile. "I'm so proud of you, Jamie."

"And we're right back to that nickname," I laughed, feeling relief bubble in my chest at the sign that things were getting back to the way they used to be. "I missed you, you know. I don't know if I've said that yet. But it's true."

Carter's eyes turned to pools of honey. "I missed you too."

"I can tell you've missed me. You're growing a break-up beard."

A startled laugh escaped him and he touched his stubble. "I'll shave, I promise. I just kind of went into a depressive state where I had a hard time, like, showering and stuff."

"Hey, me too," I chirped, trying to keep it light. But a sick part of me was happy that he'd missed me as much as I'd missed him. "Although I would invite you to feel my abs. I've been working out like crazy and look—"

He felt my abs through the johnny and I received a very satisfying jaw-drop. "Holy shit."

I smirked. "I know right. We need to have make up sex STAT."

"Oh my God. Not with that arm of yours."

For the first time in a month, the nausea and sadness in the pit of my stomach melted away. I let myself smile and be at ease with the man I loved. This was a forever kind of thing.

"I can't believe we had this conversation with my ass out," I said, turning around to look at my bare ass hanging out of the johnny. "This thing is pretty good for easy access, though. Maybe we can have that make-up sex right now."

"Shut up," Carter sputtered, that perfect blush on his cheeks. I missed that blush so much. "You're terrible. I'm pretty sure you can get dressed now, right?"

I groaned and pulled him in tight. "I missed your blush. God, I love you so much. I'm so happy you changed your mind, baby. There are so many memes that I have saved that I resisted sending to you this past month."

He laughed. "That's ridiculous. ...Except I started watching Haikyu exclamation point exclamation point show... it's really not bad."

I burst into laughter. "Okay, we'll discuss titles at some point. We can mark the change and growth of our relationship by watching anime together. I have compiled a list of thirty-four necessary shows to induct you into the genre. I've ranked them from most to least mainstream. I also provided a separate list of BL anime, which we can watch together when we're feeling romantic."

"...What the fuck does that actually mean?"

"I have so much to teach you."

He helped me get dressed into normal clothes, and it was definitely hard to resist that make-up sex. We scheduled my appointment and I could barely stop holding his hand.

And just when I thought we'd drive back and definitely not have make-up sex, I was bombarded by my little family. Dillon sobbed into my chest, Henry gave me a solid pat on the back, and Barbara slapped me on my broken arm, which hurt like a bitch.

So much for canoodling with Carter, surrounded by our newfound love for each other.

But I managed to meet his eyes as Barb screamed, "Off to Mama Mias!" and the look we exchanged was filled with mutual love and longing.

Which was basically the same thing as a happy ever after.

-

For those of you who are wondering, the list that James is describing is the exact list y'all gave me when I asked for help with anime lmao. I've made a (small) dent in it and still appreciate your help *salutes*