Missing Piece

48. Anger

  I had stayed with Armitage until the late hours, then I finally went to my own bed.
We had never been this close, Hux had really grown to be my tower of strength.
He had helped me gather my pieces back together, and listened to whatever I had to say. He even promised me that I could always come to him whenever I needed aid or simply a listening ear.
But that was yesterday, I was now on my way to have breakfast in the canteen, breakfast with 'Matt.'
Anger blurred my vision, and rage clouded my thoughts. At least now I knew how Ren felt when he was having one of his tantrums. The only difference was that Ren had them once a while, while I had been feeling like this since the moment I woke up. And I knew this feeling wouldn't fade until I had my vengeance. But in order to get my vengeance, I had to act like there was nothing wrong, like he hadn't been lying to me, like he hadn't broken my heart and very being because I loved and trusted him that much-.
I couldn't afford to feel like this, it would only hold me back, which I couldn't use for my plan. I thought back of my motto, the motto I had used for both my childhood and Matt's lies. Never thought I'd use it in this way, to deceive someone else instead of being the one who gets tricked. 'If you believe in something hard enough, it will appear to be real.' And hell, I would let him believe it's still real. Just like how I had once believed.
Now, let's see how well he'll handle it. Who'd be better this time?

Matt had already taken place at our usual table, he had even ordered my favourite breakfast already.
Awh, how- no don't! I won't let that boyish look demolish my plans. Hell no. I'll win this time.
"Hey uh, you were late, so I already ordered your food. This is your favourite, right?"
I nodded and took place in front of him, as usual. "Thanks Matt," I said 'genuine.'
I was a little absent during breakfast, Matt was talking with someone about Kylo Ren or something. In my head I was organising how I could put my plan into effect.
That was, until Matt woke me from my thoughts by saying something lovel- something. By saying something. "I woke up earlier this morning so I could get my hands on these. I even outran Karen." Matt chuckled proudly and placed two blueberry muffins on the table, which he had hidden on his lap before.
I had never tasted a muffin. Mainly because Karen always managed to eat them first. Most people didn't even know of their existence in the first place.
I took the muffin and inhaled its scent.
Oh god, this is unholy good.
The scent was a combination of warm dough, vanilla and fresh blueberries, fresh!
I momentarily forgot how angry I was at Matt and carefully took a bite. I closed my eyes in enjoyment, the taste was even better than the smell.
Matt smiled boyishly as he watched me enjoy my muffin. He gained joy from seeing me enjoy. He had learned winning, succeeding and being the best didn't always bring as much happiness as simply providing delight for someone else.
I spoke with pieces of muffin still in my mouth. "I now, mjm, understand why Karen likes these, mjm, muffins so much."
  After finishing our muffins Matt stood up. "I uhm, got to do something for Kylo. I won't be able to help you with work today."
  And that was the needed reminder of his real identity. At least it'd make my plan easier and less painful. How could I've ever considered to give it all up, both my humanity and achievements, for him? I was glad I hadn't shot Leia, and hadn't left the Order, my home, for him.
  I got up as well. "No problem, good luck with Kylo and his obligations. Must be hard, so many restrictions." Saying that I left him behind and headed for Armitage's office.

"I need a ship," I stated as I entered Hux's office.
Armitage looked up from his holopad. "A ship? Do you know how to pilot it then?"
  I shook my head. "I don't. But if Kylo can do it, it can't be that difficult."
  Armitage stood up and held my forearms with tender care, his cold hands slightly extinguishing my anger. Just a little. "Are you certain? I don't want you to get hurt."
A little late for that.
  "Very sure. To safe you from trouble, I'll steal a ship, after pretending to fix it. All I ask from you, is not to report it. I promise you won't have any regrets... You'll even thank me one day." I left no room for disagreement or refusal.
  Armitage lifted my chin, a cheeky smile playing on his face. "I think I like this (Y/n)." He planted a kiss my forehead, lips lingering on my skin as he whispered against my temple, "stay safe."
  I returned him the smile. "I do intend to do so, how else can I have my vengeance?"

  Stealing the ship wasn't that hard.
  The flying part, that's something else.
  I pretended to fix a TIE Fighter, one that was completely fine. I started the mighty engines, releasing their notorious roar. I had read about how this worked a dozen of times, but the real deal wasn't exactly the same.
  "Where is that damn enabler?" I searched. Once seeing a pair of stormtroopers heading my way, I started to hurry.
  Armitage wouldn't report my unallowed take off, but the control room wasn't informed about that. As of now, they were only doing their job.
  "Finally." I activated the enabler and switched the last switches.
  The TIE started to float. Luckily I hadn't forgotten to remove the safety lock, a long titanium cable, from the ship so I could 'easily' take off.
  After some bumbling an toying around, I finally managed to leave the base.
  Armitage had shut the shields down, just long enough for me to leave.
  "Well, here we go. This is where the fun begins."