Missing Piece

52. Nightmares

  I couldn't move. I could only ponder and gaze upon the lightsaber in my hand.
  Everything went how I intended it to go. But why on Starkiller did I feel so bad?
  Was it the feeling of betraying him? But he tricked me first, right?
  Was it the dark sky that reminded me of his magical eyes, eyes that I could lose myself in the second I looked into them? Or rather, when he enjoyably watched me being me, keeping me under his intense stare, one that made me feel like the centre of the galaxy. A galaxy that didn't need conquering, because he already held it in his arms.
  Was it the way he always managed to cheer me up, aware how I felt thanks to the Force powers he kept hidden?
  Or his lovely, unique smile that heated up my cheeks and gave me a warm, enticing feeling no one else could?
  Was it, perhaps, because I would lose those feelings forever?
  My emotions raged through my head like a storm on an open field. Pulling up everything on its way, every single memory, good and bad.
  The only thing that didn't go as I intended to, was my inner compass, having lost its true north.
  I was using the word 'intended' quite a lot lately, wasn't I? What does 'to intend' actually mean? Intend. I intend to do it like the plan tells me to do it. But the thing about plans? No one ever sticks to them.
  So why would I be any different?

  Oh fuck it.

  Suddenly I was capable of moving again, faster than I had ever done before.
  I had made a mistake, a grave mistake.
  I almost bumped into someone on my way to the TIE Whisper, Armitage.
I could see the confused look in his green eyes, paired with something that seemed to be concern. The fight within them being similar to a forest waiting for the big storm to break loose.
I could only sent a sad glance back before hurriedly passing the last distance to the ship. I didn't waste another second and took off.
I think I might have crossed the maximum speed, a speed that's too fast to handle for a human. But this particular human had a mission, one they did not intend to fail.

I locked my vessel onto the rebel base its gate and ran to where Kylo's ship must be.
Once I had reached the right hall, I saw the battle was already in its full fury.
The rebels were armed with taser-clubs and spiked shields.
Kylo reminded me of a dragon, stripped from its claws and fire. But damn he's still got spirit and teeth.
His ripped cloak moved behind him like damaged wings, as he competed against the overwhelming amount of rebels. Biting off any attacker, his temper surrounded him like fire. A fire that wouldn't extinguish until the very last bit of oxygen was lost.
Kylo fought like death itself, taking everyone down with him in every possible way imaginable, leaving a path of turmoil.
Yet, each rebel he conquered got replaced by a new one, over and over again.
   I couldn't just watch, this was my fault after all. "KYLO!!"
Kylo hadn't noticed me at first. Which was also my doing since I had been the one who made him fight these rebels (distraction) and stole his powers (no way to sense me). But now I saw how his head turned in my direction for a split second, before he had to exterminate another rebel. He knew I was here.
"Go! There are too many of them! I don't know for how much longer I can hold them off. My powers are somehow disabled, and I can't activate my lightsaber."
I felt my heart flutter and sting all at once. Kylo cared more about my well-being than his own, while I was the one who put him in this arduous situation.
"No! I won't run, not anymore. I will fight for you, for us. Something I should have done earlier!" I activated the cross-guard lightsaber I had unknowingly fetched from my pocket. "Pretend it's a stick, pretend it's a stick..." I tried to encourage myself as I wielded the weapon. It was hard at first, unpredictable and uncontrollable. It emitted a continuous buzz, feeling heavy in my hands, like a burden or duty I knew I couldn't shoulder. But I didn't take long to adjust, because gods, it felt so good.
I couldn't help a smirk from playing up, enjoying the addictive power with my entire being.

As soon as the rebels saw I was armed, the ones on my side (who were supposed to fill the empty spot if Kylo killed the ones in front) turned to me.
I didn't need no guard.
Armitage should see me now.
Which gave me an idea. I took the small blaster from my jacket's hidden pocket. "Kylo!!" At the same time I tossed him the weapon.
If Kylo hadn't worn his helmet, I would have seen the familiar, smug grin I adored. He unclasped what was left of his cape, taking it off with a dramatical swing. The silence that reigned allowed for the soft thud to be heard when the cloth fell to the ground.
The rebels took a significant step back.
Kylo parted his arms, blaster in hand. "What's wrong? The party's just started."
I couldn't stop myself, for my smile widened in a way I'd later describe as demonically.
Oh god, how did I ever think I could live without this?
"No party is a good party without a glowstick! Who wants to see it from up close?" I used the lightsaber to struck one opponent after another.
Several rebels started to back off.
"What is it? Don't you guys like the glowstick? Oh I get it, it looks better in the dark." I cut a club in half that had got dangerously close, before calling Kylo. "Kylo! Let's swap, I have an idea." I cast him the lightsaber and he skilfully caught it. The second I got my blaster back, I shot the lamps, leaving us in the dark.
The only light came from Kylo's red lightsaber, sparks flying off enlightened his devilish helmet. It'd be the last thing many of the rebels would see.
Now the attackers no longer had the advantage of being with more.

I saw how Kylo's lightsaber, and so Kylo as well, neared my direction, closer and closer.
Until we were back against back, no words were needed to recognise one  another.
"What took you so long?" Kylo teased while, just in time, impaling a rebel who was about to split my head with an axe.
I didn't tell him the real reason just yet and decided to tease back for the time being. "I don't know, perhaps I thought you'd be able to handle it by yourself. Not so impressive now, huh? Saved by a girl?"
"Not just any girl." I barely heard the whisper above the sounds of battle. "An impossible one."
I shot some more rebels. Jeez, how many were there?
"Can you help me a little?" I hooked one of my arms in his as he bowed forwards, allowing me to lean on his back. He rapidly spun in a circle, me blasting every rebel around us with the mere flicker of my finger.
But there were still too many.
"I need my powers, why don't they work?" Kylo spoke through gritted teeth.
His powers! Of course!
I shot all the rebels on our way to leave the small area near TIE Silencer, for we were still in the range of the kyberdust.
"Follow me!" I dragged Kylo along, whom guarded my back in the process.

I didn't need any verbal confirmation to know Kylo's powers worked again.
Every rebel in the proximity of 3 meters from us crashed into a wall with a tremendous force of strength.
With one simple wave of his hand, all remaining attackers fell on the floor, fast asleep.
Kylo's powers had gained a boost after being shut down for this long.
I followed Kylo into a room that was separated from the hall by a secured, metal door. Nothing could get in or out.

I leaned forward, hands on my knees, panting. I had even dropped my blaster on the floor. I wasn't used to this kind of action.
But Kylo's next words made me stand straight again, all my exhaustion gone.
"Explain to me, tell me for it to be false."
I couldn't quite decipher the voice he was using. It was something I had never heard from him before, even noticeable through the mask, the mighty Kylo Ren was pleading.
"No one but you knows about the kyberdust, or is capable of making such a perfect replica, one that could even fool me." Kylo paused. "I know I hold you in high regards, both for your skills, wits and being, but please..." He squeezed my hands, seeking to gaze through the locked gates of my soul, however, continued when he couldn't find what he was looking for.
"... please ensure me my darkest of nightmares haven't come to haunt me."