Dreamers [#Wattys2020]

32.

Rover.

Something about tonight isn't right...

For the first time this week, I can remember my dream. I'm living it, but not the way I wanted.

My eyes open at the blinding light shining right at me. It makes everything around me look like it's stark white. This place makes me feel warier then if I were in the dark empty place. I can sense my conscious shake, but my body doesn't react. I can't even tell if I have control over my blinking.

My legs move, yet not where I want to go. They just keep walking off into nowhere and I can't seem to make them stop.

"Diana!" I hear off in the distance.

The voice echos, but eventually stops.

"Let me out!" it gets louder.

I somehow keep aimlessly going towards the unknown until a large metal door appears in front of me. It looks completely out of place. There's no frame holding it up, yet it still keeps its balance.

A large thud rings against it and I can feel myself wanting to jump back, but I don't. I can't.

I can see my hand reach out to the door, but still, I have no feeling under my fingers.

It all just makes me think that I've died, yet I haven't left my body.

"Diana!" the scream pierces through me like a bullet.

It can't be...

Noah, she must be on the other side.

I want to grab the handle right then and there but this body, this cage, takes forever to grab hold of it.

When I finally open the door, there's no one there. I'm still alone.

Part of me wants to cry in frustration as I can't understand who would ever want to play this sick game. In fact, when I figure out who is, I swear on my life that I will stab them, save them from the brink of death and do it all over again just for them to feel a sliver of the pain they've made me live through.

Then, the whimpering starts. Whoever it is, is right behind me and luckily I seem to be turning in that direction.

It's her... but she's not facing me and I can't do anything to console her.

Her hair's gotten all tangled and I can sense she's barely gotten any rest since I last saw her.

Fuck, I just want to go to her. Let me!

As I yell from my imprisoned body she stands tall, almost as if she heard me...

Noah!

This time she does nothing.

All I want is for her to look at me and know that I'm here. She looks so scared and lost, it breaks my heart to see her this way. 

Why does it have to be us? What do I need to do to have her in my life again?

Before I had managed to annoy Kelly Armory to the point where she wouldn't talk to me, I remember her telling me that if I ever fell in love it would be the end of my career. I think she's more right than I thought at the time. I would need to choose: family or fame. Still, part of me knows that I couldn't have one if I didn't have the other.

Noah! I will find you again!

I know she can't hear me, but I hope she knows I mean every single word.

She's so close to me, I can see her hands shaking and her eyes staring off into the horizon. And here I am, a fucking statue who can't do shit.

This disconnection, I think it pulses much farther than my body. 

If she's not invisible to me, then why am I invisible to her?

All these questions, but no answers, at least none that probably speak the truth.

She's been static for a few minutes now, but she starts to pace around me. Her mouth seems to be saying something, but I can't hear anything.

Maybe this isn't real... How could it be?

This has to be a nightmare. I need to wake up!

You still can't move, stupid.

Of course, I can't but it's just like she told me, I have complete control over my dreams. I just need to believe it, right?

Forget about what happened in the church. Shake it off. You've got this, you've got complete control. You've got the first step down packed. You know you're dreaming. Come on Ro.

With my entire soul, I try to make all of this go away. I imagine my fists clenched, my eyes closed shut and my feet firmly glued back into reality. This needs to work.

I feel and hear everything begin to vibrate around me, the grumble steadily getting louder and louder. It's almost as if the ground will shatter right beneath me. But then it just stops.

Another bright light starts shinning right in my direction to the point that I'm sure it's a doctor trying to wake me up. 

You should have tried harder...

Absolutely nothing was different. I was still stuck in this white space with no way to get out.

But Noah... she's not pacing in front of me anymore.

Noah? Where are you?

I can't move which means I can't look for her and I'm getting more worried by the second. This is wrong, something isn't right.

My chest feels like it's floating away from me and I can't catch it. My whole body can sense the void and I fear it might be swallowing me as it torments me with the fact that it will never let me see her again.

Noah?!

I will call her name for all eternity if that's what it takes.

Out of nowhere, I can hear the distinct step of a barefoot on a slick tile from behind me. It's followed by a gust of wind and Noah running right past me and to her bed. She grabs the sheet covering her bed and tugs at it a little.

No, Noah! Don't do what I think you're about to do!

I see her look down to her feet where she finds the wheel stop holding her bed still and she flicks it the other way. She pulls it towards her second-floor window and starts to tie a knot around one of the handles. As she's cranking her window open and pushing the screen out I start to hear noise coming from behind me like someone else is here, they bang their fists against something trying to get it open.

When my focus is brought back to Noah, I can see her straddling the windowsill.

Noah?!