Dreamers [#Wattys2020]

40.

Rover.

So that's it... she's dead.

I'm alive in a fucking world where she isn't.

This can't be real, I dreamt about her. There's no way that could have just been a nightmare.

"Did you hear me?!" Diana shouts at me.

I try to bring myself back to the situation at hand.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," I tell her. "I didn't know."

"You don't say?" she says as her eyes pierce the deepest darkest parts of my soul. "Now leave my sister and my family alone."

"Okay," I answer as I try to look away.

She starts to walk away, but not before saying, "Just go back to your fucking tour."

Maybe she's right... Maybe this is all I can do...

I don't know if I could've kept myself together if I would have been able to see her. Everyone would think that I've gone crazy over someone they don't think I know, but how could I not? She's my first love. And then to think that she's still holding on to a life that she will never wake up from, I wonder if she knows I've been looking for her in a world that's trying to keep us apart.

My plane lands late in the night back to where I had taken off from in the first place.

I hesitate at calling my mom to come and get me. She probably looks at me as a disappointment, someone she no longer knows. I just hope one day she can understand why I had to do this even if it sounds totally crazy.

"Mom?" I say as she answers her phone.

"Rover?!" she answers as if she would have never heard from me again.

"I'm- I'm at the airport," I tell her.

I can hear her jump from her bed at the hotel rustling while she tries to grab her things.

"I'll be right there, okay?" she says. "Just ten minutes. Keep your phone on, sweetheart, I'm coming as fast as I can."

I don't know if I should feel guilty for having just up and disappeared. My heart tells me it's the most logical thing to do, but my brain seems to have cut me off from any compassion I had before.

My mom practically skids the car to a stop as she pulls up to the airport. I don't even think she has her seatbelt on by the way she jumps out of the driver's seat and runs to me and wrap me in her arms.

I decide to speak first, "Mom, I'm okay."

"I know," she says softly, her expression deadpanned.

There's one thought that comes to my head and I know I can't tell her, but what I can say is, "You know I love you, right?"

"Of course," she says taking a step back to look at me, "there's no way you could make me think any differently about you."

At least I know, just by the tone in her voice, that she wants me to be happy no matter where that is.

"I think I'm ready to go back on tour," I tell her.

"Are you sure?" she rubs the side of my arm.

I nod, "Yeah, I feel like it's just something I'm ready to do."

"Okay," she agrees. "But for tonight, let's go get some rest back at the hotel." 

The hours, the days just seem to flash by me as if I'm nothing to the will of time. It's as if nothing had ever happened, at least it is for everyone around me.

Avery has me back in a studio rehearsing the show over and over again, while my family sits by the side watching me run through all my queues. They decided it would be best if they came with me for a while, make sure I'm doing all right. I told them they didn't need to, more for the fact that I don't know if I could stand to see them at my last show, yet they persisted. 

The one good thing about this situation is that I get to spend more time with Isla without having to worry about her running off when she doesn't want to listen to me. She actually seems to prefer copying every single one of my movements around our mockup stage made out of spike tape.

It's also nice that we do get some time alone once in a while, just the two of us sitting against the mirrored wall.

"You should dance more," she says.

"Dance more?" I look to her, "I don't think you get what kind of a show this is. I'm a singer, not a dancer."

"Nick Colton does," she eyes me.

Now I know she's just trying to get under my skin.

"Nick Colton," I tell her very pointedly, "started out as a dancer. It's very different."

"You should ask him for some lesson," she shrugs.

I make sure to mess her hair up with my hand. 

"Hey!" she says as she tries to take my hand off her head.

"I love you, but your annoying," I say with a smile.

She looks up to me with her puppy-dog-eyes, "It's my job isn't it?"

"Yeah," I laugh a little.

Her expression seems to flip on a dime as she slouches like she's thinking about something.

"Can I ask you a question?" she says.

I try to move down to her level, "Of course, anything."

"Did you dream?" she asks. "When you were in your..."

Her words trail off, but I answer, "Yes."

"Did you dream about me?" she goes on.

I tell her honestly, "Yeah, you almost got me in trouble."

"I did?" she giggles slightly.

I wait a few seconds because I think she's going to ask me another question, but she doesn't.

If what I was thinking would actually work, I just need her to understand one thing.

"You know I will love you no matter where I am in the world, right?"

She only nods.

I don't want to scare her, but I can't just say nothing. "Even if something like what happened ever happens again, I will think about you all the time. I want you to be happy, so don't feel like you ever have to wait for me."

She just leans over and gives me a hug.

She's so much stronger than anyone I know, and I know that in the end, she will be able to move on even if I'm not there.