My Professor's Secret

31|

thirty-one

[trigger warning: talk of suicide]

"What happened to him?"

No one seemed to care enough to understand the magnitude of my fear and confusion. Our drive back home seemed the quickest it had ever been. Chris practically drove ninety the entire way here.

The doctors unconsciously obeyed muscle memory, running as sirens blared indicating an incident in need of dire attention. Paralysis had a way of locking my limbs in limbo when things became too heavy for my mind to process. My body felt as if it had been floating outside of itself. Watching everyone hectically scrambling around to fix everything and everyone triggered a part of uncertainty about my dad and his condition.

We hadn't heard any news apart from the call Lorelei gave Christian before our journey here. Instead, they left us to fabricate our own conclusions. Was he dead; dying? In the process of needed to fight off some unbeatable sickness like the fate of our mother?Whatever it was, it only magnified the bareness plaguing my stomach. Losing another parent was unbearable and as much as I knew leaning on my brother would bring me an ounce of solace, we find ourselves in separate corners of the waiting room.

Unintentionally, we sit through two entire episodes of HGTV before a petite woman in gray scrubs approaches Lorelei and I. As she begins to speak, Chris finds his way closer towards us.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Monroe, the attending on Johnathan Castillo case. I'd like to apologize for the lack of information we've been able to provide your family with," she says, eyeing only me. "We are trying our absolute best to give your father the best possible care. With that being said, his condition is critical."

She explains that he's been in surgery for the past few hours and that they've only now managed to get the severity of his injuries in managing condition. He suffered a massive head wound and because of that, extensive blood loss that required several blood transfusions. The pressure and distress on his head caused his brain to swell and in order to prevent any further complications, they had to cut a hole into his skull. Dr. Monroe tells us her team of surgeons are optimistic about his recovery. After she's explained all she could, she excuses herself back to the operating room to proceed with care. She manages a smile before disappearing behind a set of double doors.

Words would never be able to measure up to the fear racing throughout my body. My chest stung and the words of comfort I wish I could've provided my brother and Lorelei with fell short. Every fiber in me burned with an intensity I'd never felt before. Not only that but the fact that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it made everything worse. It was like losing my mother all over again. How the hell were they so optimistic when my father had a gaping hole in his skull? My legs go limp in the chair and for moment I'm numb to the world around me. I wasn't ready to go through another loss. Not when the last one nearly killed me.

Once I've finally managed to return to my senses, my brother had found himself in the chair beside me. When our eyes meet, he grabs ahold of my hand. He'd only ever done that the last time we were in this room. It takes every once of strength in me to swallow the cry wrestling to unleash.

The urge to ask Lorelei what happened before the paramedics took over clouded my mind long enough to choke away my emotions. But it was apparent she was in no position to provide anyone with information right now anyways. Perhaps it was why the doctor was so intent on addressing me in the waiting room instead of her. She looked paralyzed and uneasy. This couldn't have been easy for her either. Yet again on the verge of losing another lover. I wondered how her children took the news of our father or if she had even bothered to tell them. Neither of them were here by her side to console her. She was quiet even though a constant stream of tears fell from her eyes. Obviously she cared for my father or she wouldn't have been here. She wouldn't have been in so much agony. Whatever it was that made me feel sorry for her, it persuaded me enough to latch hands with her and she gladly obliged.