My Professor's Secret

32|

thirty-two

When Lorelei arose from her stiff position, the first thing she suggests is the three of us heading to her place for food and a change of clothes. Our house had been turned into a cautionary measure, and honestly, I didn't think I could even consider it home anymore. What was once flooded with memories reminiscent of the best moments of our childhood had suddenly become the battlegrounds of tragedy and great disappointment.

At Lorelei's place, she gives Chris and me a neatly folded stack of clothes, deodorant, a toothbrush, a bath towel, and a washcloth before leading us into separate guest rooms. Before we break from each other, she mentions having breakfast prepared for us all once we've gathered in the dining room. By now, it's well past noon, but our late arrival to the hospital and our time in the ICU seemingly merged the days into one.

My shower ends a lot sooner than I care to admit. Had I been able to keep my eyes open, it would've lasted a lot longer. Especially considering this was the first time in a while that I felt I had privacy. Nothing was worse than co-ed showers.

The clothes Lorelei loaned me fit like a glove. No doubt belonged to her daughter—who was nowhere to be found. I couldn't help wonder if her children knew what was going on. I reckon if they had any knowledge, they'd be here comforting their mother at the least. Then again, who was I to talk when I quickly left dad's side for a hot meal? Perhaps her children thought our family was too crazy to be around. It's not like that was something far-fetched from what Trinity might've thought her own had her mother told her.

Maybe they weren't here because of the pressure it took to keep your last parent afloat. I had first-hand experience on how challenging that proved to be. Constantly worrying about my dad drained every ounce of my energy. I had nothing to offer myself. At least I could use it as an excuse for my imploding life. But what about them? With their mother in love with another man on the verge of death?

Now, it made sense as to why neither of them showed.

Christian and Lorelei have already prepared a breakfast plate from the buffet-style spread once I've joined them in the dining room. They sit quietly across from each other taking intermittent bites of food to avoid conversation. I take no interest in my brother's presence as I gather a plate and pack it with food. We hadn't spoken two words to each other since he dropped the baby bomb on me in the middle of something fucked up on its own. Livid was an understatement, and it wasn't because of the baby—but him.

His eyes follow my every step, watching me like a hawk as I load my plate. The possibility of me repeating his news to anyone else must've driven him insane, even though I had no intention of ever repeating that news. Chris continues to trail me until I've made myself comfortable in the chair beside Lorelei.

For a split second, our eyes meet until he diverts his gaze to his lap before allowing me the chance to analyze him the way he'd been doing me. His silence was for the best with how numb I felt about everything. With nothing useful to add but disapproval, I say nothing even though fighting the will to turn to him with what's going on with dad remains.

Our trauma is what made us inseparable. We bared the same loss. Mourned the death of our mother side by side—hand and hand. We found solace in our pain, which only made us grow closer to one another. Now there was nothing. Nothing but the fear of losing who our dad once was. Then it would only be him and I. We had no one else. No one has ever stayed.

While we eat, Lorelei begins reciting the plan for the remainder of the day. She insists on us all getting some sleep after breakfast before returning to the hospital later this evening. I had no objections with dad in a medically induced coma; the doctors were unsure when he would wake. Who knew if he realized we were there? I could hardly keep my eyes open during my shower, proving that sleep was calling me.