Welcome to The Critics! [TEMPORARILY CLOSED]
**Offers constructive criticisms
**Giving honest feedbacks and suggestions
**Checking your story content, details, and grammar
**Can be your beta reader
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Critic's note: Hi! First of all, everything that was written here is based on my knowledge as a critic. I do not mean to offend you in any way. And thank you for choosing us! :)
TITLE:
Your title is good, it kinda set number of questions into the readers' minds like, 'How come she's a princess and at the same time, a thief?' Or 'How did she become a thief?'
BOOK COVER:
Your book cover is great! Bukod sa catchy siya ay akmang-akma pa sa story mo and that's a plus point.
BLURB/SYNOPSIS:
Blurb is 💯. It excites and thrilled the readers to read your story. It really grabbed my attention and that only shows that you delivered it well! Good job!
STORY CONTENT/PLOT:
For me, your story is unique since ngayon lang ako nakabasa ng plot na ganito. Marami na akong nabasang cliché princess stories like, princess with a bad attitude or lost princess with overloading power, but yours was different because she's the first princess thief I've encountered in a book.
CHARACTERS:
You should work on engaging us (readers) more with your characters, especially with the main characters. Remember that the way you developed your character creates an emotional response to the readers and that will make them want to read your story more.
SETTING:
The way you described your settings was good. I felt like, I was there too.
NARRATION AND DIALOGUE:
Your narration was good, especially that English is not your first language. I have to commend you for that! But it sometimes lacks emotions and you have to work on that. Instead of just giving their dialogue, show us their emotions through their actions. Lalo na sa part na kausap niya ang mga kapatid niya. Hindi ko maramdaman ang emosyon ng mga kapatid niya.
I noticed that you used the word 'said' way too often.
Yes, 'said' is the preferred word, but using it every time will just make your dialogue dull, so, please refrain from doing so. You can use the simple verb you can find to get that meaning across.
TECHNICALITIES:
Para sa isang taong hindi first language ang english, ay napakagaling mo! But there were still some grammatical errors.
Be careful with tenses of verbs used.
Some sentences also need reconstruction.
Like this one,
"I inserted the key given to me by Cindra..."
It should be, "I inserted the key, Cindra gave me, which..."
"This was why I preferred to eat alone..."
It should be, "That's why I prefer to eat alone."
At idugtong mo siya sa naging dahilan kung bakit mas gusto niyang kumain mag-isa. Ihiwalay mo naman 'yong, "It was marvelous..." dahil panibagong idea na iyon.
The way they call their father, 'Father' sounded off for me, although I get it that they are royalties so I guessed it's a form of respect but it may cause confusion to the reader. May napansin kasi akong part na naconfused ka rin noong icapitalize mo ang word na father kahit na hindi naman dapat.
Example:
...she and Yves inherited from our Father.
This should be in a small letter since it is a common noun.
Siguro dahil ang napili mong itawag sa kaniya ay "Father" kaya minsan nalilito ka kung kailan magiging common or proper noun ang word na 'yan. It can bring confusion to you and to the readers since the word 'father' can be common noun or proper noun depending on how it is used.
Suggestion:
Para hindi ka malito at pati na rin ang mga readers mo, isip ka ng term na pang royal talaga.
But it's your story so you can call them what you want :)
Lastly, I noticed some typo errors in some chapter. Hindi talaga 'yon maiiwasan but you may want to check it out.
MESSAGE FROM THE CRITIC:
Hi, author! I want to commend you for being brave enough to write stories in pure english. You really did a great job! Hindi masusukat ng ilang maliliit na errors na ito ang ganda ng story mo. So just write your heart! I had fun reading your story and I'm looking forward for the next chapters. I'll be your reader from now on and I'm hoping to read more of Carline's thrilling adventure! Thank you for sharing your masterpiece with us. Keep writing and keep shining! ❤
