The Critics

Critique 6

Critique made by: elsense

Story: Marry, Marry Him?

Author: swimtropper

Critic's note: Hi, aspiring writer! Everything that I encoded here is according to my knowledge as a critic. I do not intend to offend you with this critique but rather, I am doing this for your improvement.

TITLE:

Consider changing the title into something unique and catchy. But still it's your choice anyway. This is only a suggestion.

At first, I didn't get the thought of your title but when I tried to analyze it, I think the character's kinda hesitant if she's going to marry him.

BOOK COVER:

I don't have any comments about this since the actual book cover for the story is not yet provided (but I hope you're going to provide one asap). But for the future book cover, the title must be readable as well as the author's name. Use color palette and fonts that will suffice the overall output.

STORY DESCRIPTION/SYNOPSIS:

Reconstruct this part because of the wrong usage of punctuation marks and grammatical errors (if you're going to stick with this type of description).

But I suggest, think another one 'coz I've seen stories with the same lines. Try making a description that will make your readers think and ask questions. Catch their interest in a way that you're not telling the whole content. Just like in food, make them crave for more.

Also, you don't need to include your "synopsis" part if you're just going to encode the same thing provided in the "story description".

TECHNICALITIES:

There are words na napapagsama ka kahit hindi naman dapat and also the grammar. Ang construction ng sentence ay hindi maayos kaya't magulong basahin.

From your prologue: (ilan lang 'to sa mga sentences na kailangan mong ayusin)

"Sobrang stress ngayong araw nato." ✖

"Sobra akong na-stressed ngayong araw na 'to / ito." ✔

"Hindi ko na napansin Kong sino man ang tumawag pa basta sinagot ko nalang." ✖

"Hindi ko na napansin kung sino ang tumatawag at basta ko na lang itong sinagot." ✔

"If di mo pala kaya then why you left your house? There, di mo sana mararanasan ang ganiyang buhay. Sana wala kang reklamo ngayon." ✖

"Kung hindi ( 'di ) mo pala kaya then why did you leave your house? Hindi mo na sana nararanasan ang ganyang buhay. Sana wala kang inirereklamo ngayon." ✔

*** di ✖
*** 'di / hindi ✔

NEXT

Read and study about these things: ('coz I'm not a fan of spoon-feeding)

- Proper usage of "NG" and "NANG"
- Proper capitalization
- Proper nouns and common nouns
- Proper usage of punctuation marks
- Dialogue tags and action beats
- Subject-verb agreement
- Daglat

MESSAGE FROM THE CRITIC:

I do not intend to offend nor hurt you in any way. But I need to be honest, your story needs to be proofread 'coz there are lots of errors and for a formal writing, there are things that you should consider. Anyway, there's always a room for improvement. With this critique, I hope you'll learn some. You can message me if you need some help.

Keep writing!