Becoming Brett

4. A Perfect Spot

I pick James up at the back of the library, hidden in the alley that runs along its back doors. In fact I barely stop my wagon as he jumps in before I'm speeding off down the alley like we just committed some back woods crime.

He's gotten good at diving in, knowing I'm only going to hit the brake for a minute just incase someone might see. It's not like my old green wagon is the most generic looking ride around.

"Ya know, we are friends." James mutters as he clicks his seatbelt into place. "It's not that weird for us to be seen together."

He brings it up basically every time we meet like this. Which is often but not as much as either of us would like.

My hands are gripped tight around the steering wheel because I'm trying to stop myself from grabbing his hand. At least not yet, not until we're out of town.

"Yeah, but I lied to Wes. And you lied to Savannah. And god only knows what we told Ellie." I counter.

He lets out a sigh and out of the corner of my eye I see his jaw set hard. He doesn't agree with me.

"Once we're out of here, in college J, it'll be different." I hope.

I mean, I'm still staying in the closet, probably forever. But what I'm hoping for is, we both move out of this town, away from all the people that know us. We can go to the same college or colleges near each other, get an apartment together maybe. And within the walls of our apartment we can be us.

God I long for that.

"I'm tired of waiting." James tells me. He always tells me that.

I turn down the road that leads us from town, passing by the ice cream shop that everyone flocks to on hot summer days. Even in the winter, they're busy enough to stay open, homemade ice cream will do that.

And not even a quarter of a mile past, I'm turning again, down a paved road with nothing much on it because it's on the side of town that just drops off into nothing. A few stray houses, woods in between. For whatever reason, all the other sides have been developed, subdivisions and apartment complexes sporadically placed along the outskirts, housing families that want to be close to a town but not in town. Families like mine and Wes'. Ellie and her family live the farthest, out on some dirt road, James and Savannah are somewhere between Ellie and Wes.

But off this paved road is a dirt road and at the end of the dirt road that only has one old house on it with an elderly couple who live there is the smallest, most secluded tiny dirt parking lot that sits at the mouth of an equally as small nature park. One that no one goes too because there's a bigger nature park on the other side of town, with play-scapes for kids and a lake and groomed trails for bike riding and taking walks. This nature park is forgotten and unloved by the townsfolk which makes it the perfect place for James and I.

So as I park my car and undo my seatbelt, I find James' hand. Lacing my fingers with his, his large palm nearly engulfing mine I lean over the console of my wagon.

He's mad. Or at least trying to be. Making me work to get my hand in his. But James never stays mad.

"We don't have to wait now." My heart is already dancing in my chest, anticipating the moment when James gives and he turns to me.

I want to live in his gray eyes, the tenderness they always have. The way he can befriend anyone, seemingly confident in his skin. With who he is. James is every bit the complete opposite of me. And I'm envious of it.

"Come on J." I press, my voice soft and low, begging for him to come to me.

We finally have time. And I don't want to waste any of it.

"Look at me." My fingers squeeze around his. "Please."

A breath rushes out of him, his chest rising and falling with it but then he tilts his head, a smirk stifled on his lips as his gray eyes meet mine.

"Don't look at me like that." He scolds lightly.

A smile floods my face, I know what he's talking about but I always act innocent. "Like what?"

He laughs, a deep rumble that starts in his chest and billows out, blanketing us in joy. He doesn't explain, he knows he doesn't need too. And then he does one of my favorite things ever. His free hand reaches up, slowly taking my glasses from my face and I watch as his blurry limbs carefully fold them up and then I hear the clink of them being set into the cup holder.

I can't see crap unless it's directly in my face and the one thing that drives me absolutely crazy is when people ask me to take off my glasses. It's unnerving for my world to be completely fuzzy and unclear knowing that everyone around me can see just fine. I can't gauge their emotions or see their reactions.

But when it comes to James, I never stop him. Because James doesn't stay where I can't see him. He comes closer.

I focus on his face, even though his features all get lost, edges and lines blurring until I'm not quite sure where anything begins or ends.

He raises his hand, fingertips skimming along my cheek, tracing the line of my cheekbone, until they push between the strands of my dark hair. They curl around my head, pressing into the nape of my neck with such a gentle, intimate touch that all my thoughts float away and my lips part as a breath deflates from my lungs. And my favorite thing happens in the moments just before James' lips meet mine. His eyes come into focus with the most precise edge of black to hold all the steel gray in. And I can see the small dots of imperfections in his skin that blend together to create the warm milky color that it is. A contrast to the olive skin that I got from my dad.

I love this moment.

And then my second favorite thing happens immediately after.

James kisses me.

                             —————————

Four chapters in. How are we feeling about Brett?