Becoming Brett

17. Opposites

Wes looks like crap.

One look at the bags under his eyes and the lethargic way he moves and I know he had a bad night. Plus Grace dropped him off. And all these things mean he had an attack last night, one that apparently inhibited his sleep.

He's a flurry of movements even as we stand at his locker together.

"Where's James?" Wes asks, his normal tics following and then he repeats them.

I can already tell it's going to be a long day for Wes, my eyes scanning the hall for Sawyer. The last thing Wes needs is Sawyer messing with him.

Savannah points down the hall at her brother, who's standing with Cora and Darren. I've been trying not to look that way because every time I see Darren laugh or smile my head tries to tell me they're flirting and then jealousy peaks inside me.

"Doesn't it seem like they've been hanging out a lot?" Ellie questions.

"Are you keeping tabs on my brother?" Savannah asks, amusement in her voice.

Wes' tics are near constant and from the corner of my eye I watch Savannah lace her fingers with his and relief trickles through me. Ellie and Savannah are lifesavers.

"I keep tabs on everyone." Ellie gives her a sly look. "Like Wes here and his afternoon with the Princess."

Sometimes I think Ellie forgets that Wes has ADHD. I can already tell his thoughts have carried him away. He's not even paying attention to us or anything around him.

"What did you guys do?" She continues on.

And for the briefest of seconds my eyes meet Savannah and she shakes her head, seemingly thinking the same thing as me. For a minute Savannah and I aren't awkward as I laugh through my nose and she rolls her eyes. Ellie's caring and kind and nosey but also surprisingly unaware about very apparent things.

A snap rings through the air, her words muffled as Wes' head jerks to the side and he whistles.

"Huh?" He mumbles.

Ellie lets out an exasperated sigh, smiling at him like he's purposefully not paid attention and it amuses her and says "How was yesterday?"

Wes doesn't like to talk about his tic attacks. Especially the bad ones. And even though Ellie's question is about Laurel and less about the attack that we can all tell is apparent he had, we respect it for the most part. Sometimes Ellie still pries.

"It was fine. Are they friends?" He switches subjects back to James without a pause.

I don't like the subject change, jealously burning in my chest and I clear my throat to try and rid the feeling. I've known about Darren and James being more friendly toward one another recently, it was only a matter of time really. They're both jocks and James always hung out with Peter. And I shouldn't complain, Darren is the reason that James and I can sneak to our spot, without him giving James a ride to the library, it probably wouldn't happen as much. But still.

I don't like it.

"It's James." Savannah says. We're too much alike, both of us consumed in jealousy at the moment. Granted for two different reasons but I feel for her. I know how it feels. "He's friends with everyone."

Much like Savannah, I'm not outgoing. I prefer staying in the shadows unlike James, who cliche as it is, lights up a room when he walks in. We are as opposite as two people could be.

But that's why I like him so much. He's the yin to my yang, the light to my dark. He's my balance, filling in the gaps I'm missing until we make one complete soul.

I'm staring at James.

I only realize it when he turns around and heads for us, his eyes meeting mine with a smirk on his face. It's not fair that he can render me speechless with the easy way he saunters about but he does. And I'm left trying to remember how to breath.

"Hey Wes." James says casually but I can hear how pleased he is with himself. For the effect he has on me.

I wish I could say I hate it. But it's the exact opposite.

Wes says "hey" back, mumbling a quiet "sorry" to Savannah as he tics.

I purposely stare at the ground because I know that if I were to look at James I'd have to fight the urge to kiss him right there in the hallway. In front of everyone.

The bell rings much to my relief, stealing some of our focus as we all start down the hallway. Each of us falling into step with someone until we're one mass cutting people off.

"What were you talking to Darren about?" Ellie slides up along James, her short stature looks ridiculous next to him.

"I'm going to help him with a class. We were just making plans to hang out this weekend." He tells her.

I stay slightly behind him, a step or two in front of Wes and Savannah because I want to hear all that he has to say about Darren.

"You didn't make plans during movie night right?"

James throws his arm around her shoulders, laughing. "Of course not. I know where my priorities lie."

His laughter always gets me too. The way his head always tips back slightly like the amount of joy in him is so overwhelming that it's trying to burst out. The way it crinkles the corners of his gray eyes or the way they twinkle with utter happiness, glittering with life. I love the sound of it, the rumble that it makes deep in his chest, especially when we're at our spot and I'm cuddled up against him in the back of my wagon. It comes easy to him, laughter and happiness, something I've always been envious of.

My moments of pure happiness are always short, limited, fleeting.

But James is always at the center of them.

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My dog had a standoff with a massive ground hog. The only reason that thing survived was because there was a fence between them. My youngest sat on a log sobbing "mama Maeby's gonna kill someones pet!" 😂