Becoming Brett

21. A Playscape

"Do you think Wes realizes she likes him?" Savannah asks, her voice low so it doesn't drift from the playscape we're all gathered on to Laurel and Wes who have split off and found refuge on the swings.

"Oh god I will not let her be another Cora." Ellie groans.

"Leave him be." I tell her. "He's fine."

Everyone but me scoffs and I roll my eyes.

"He's hopeless." Savannah says.

"Absolutely." Ellie agrees. "Just like both of you."

Automatically my gaze shifts to James. His gray eyes full of mischief as he stares back.

"He might be hopeless." James points at me. "But I'm not."

Savannah laughs, she has a beautiful laugh. It dances through the air joyfully as it leaves her lips. The smile on her face causing a dimple to appear and her head to tip back just like her brother's does. Her dark hair slips from her shoulder, her neck long and slender, delicate even though she loves to hide it under layers of oddly shaped clothes. She's always wearing the strangest things and yet, she still manages to make them look good. Something I know she doesn't realize she does.

Savannah's self esteem is in the toilet.

The fact that I constantly pretend like I don't notice her flirting probably isn't helping it much either.

"Ha! That's hilarious." Ellie cackles letting herself fall into James' side. "Keep telling yourself that."

"What?" James laughs and my insides start to dance, everything coming alive in me at the sound of it, my thoughts flooding with images of James and I and things I want to do.

Most of them involve us alone. In my wagon.

"Oh! Oh!" Ellie shakes her hand at us, poking her finger in the direction of the swings where Wes has gone down to talk to Laurel.

It had taken some prompting on Ellie and Savannah's part. Or more, force if we're being honest. Wes doesn't like to put himself out there. But enough teasing and down he went, seems as though things went in his favor as we watch the two of them head toward one of the trails that loops through the woods.

"Should we follow them?" Ellie asks.

"Don't be a creep." I scold her.

She picks up a piece of a wood chip that had been tracked up the playscape over time and throws it at me. It doesn't even make it halfway before it loses momentum and falls.

"I'm not creep." Her tongue juts out at me childishly. "I just want to know. "

"He'll tell us if he wants." I mutter, peeking through my eyelashes at James even though I can feel Savannah trying to burn holes through me.

Ellie groans, stretching her legs out along James'. They don't even come close to matching in length.

"Between you and Wes, you guys are so tight lipped about everything." She whines.

I'm about to protest, deny the fact even though it's true. It's not that we intentionally withhold things but Wes and I know each other so well that words aren't always required. And sometimes that's easier.

"She's right." Savannah and James say at the same time like the twins they are.

"I hate it when you guys do that." Ellie tells them.

And then they shrug, at the exact same time, the exact same way. Their twin telepathy at work.

We lull into silence even though we all know it'll be short lived. Ellie doesn't remain silent for long. But I take the short reprieve in noise and look out the playscape at what surrounds us. The park we've all grown up at. I remember my mom bringing me here to meet Wes and Sawyer. We'd chase each other through the wooden castle, up and down the worn boards, our chest filled with air and childish innocence as we laughed and played make believe.

Everything was so much simpler back than. Back when I didn't realize that the extra little flutter in my stomach wasn't because Wes and I were close. I didn't know that there was anything wrong with the fact that I liked it when he grabbed my hand or that I liked the way he looked more than I ever did Sawyer. I never even noticed Sawyer in that sort of way.

Back when I didn't know that it was wrong to love a boy.

"This town is just so...so ugh...basic. I hate that word but it is." Ellie throws her head back, her pink hair flying through the air redirecting my attention. "I want to travel. See the world. In fact, I was trying to convince Savannah to save up with me and go to Europe this summer."

Savannah let's out a sigh but James interrupts any response she might have had. I'm thankful for the change in direction, it almost distracts me until I see James.

"You know who wants to do the same thing?" He asks.

"Who? You?"

He laughs. "Nah, Darren."

I still don't like the thought of Darren. But we all chime "what?" At the same time sharing in our disbelief.

James shrugs his shoulders. "Yeah, he was actually asking if I wanted to go. I told him no."

"What is wrong with you two!?" Ellie shrieks, her hands flying through the air but I can read between the lines.

James said no because of me. Whether that's because he wants to be here with me or he knows I don't like Darren, I'm not sure. I hope it's the first one but after the other day it wouldn't surprise me if it's the later. Guilt hits me hard.

"Darren huh?" Savannah says still mulling over the idea that the quietest person we know would want to travel. "He's so different than Peter."

Peter was outgoing, popular, a jock. He was the kind of person you'd assume would want to travel, an adventurer, bold and confident. Really nice, he stopped a handful of people from bullying Wes the past two years. He always smiled, always laughing which is why when he suddenly disappeared from school and his whereabouts hit the rumor mill a lot of people were flabbergasted by it.

Not me though.

When are people going to learn. I mean Robin Williams said it all, "I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anybody else to feel like that."

Maybe Peter wasn't the saddest person but it's a fact. People hide their troubles and their worries behind smiles and the bigger the troubles the bigger the smiles.

I also caught Peter in the act so the element of surprise was blown for me by the time he finally sought help.

But Darren, I can't figure him out.

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When are we ever going to meet the infamous Peter?