When The Sun Came Up, You Were Gone

Once I'm Gone(3)

Noah's POV

When the nurse was finishing up my vitals, she handed me my breakfast, "Try to eat everything you can. I'll come back in about twenty minutes to take everything away." Instead of replying, I just shook my head. Today was different than the other days. Instead of disgusting oatmeal, I have toast with strawberry jam. A little cup of yogurt and a milk box. Eating is still very difficult for me, so I usually gravitate towards the liquids.

As she leaves my room, I hear my mom and Kendra outside, "Don't say anything to trigger him Brian. He's doesn't need any type of stress."

"He's my son as well," he still sounded the same, heavy and tired, "I don't need a lecture on how to treat my child. Remember I raised him for a long time as well."

"Maybe but I've raised him his entire life," my mother spit out, so they still are fighting.

Kendra cleared her throat, "Can't you two just get along for right now. He can probably here us." After a few whispers I couldn't hear, the door opened. To keep my anxious energy down, I picked up the spork for my yogurt. Even though I really didn't want to eat, handling the tension radiating off of everyone was worse. Kendra moved to the window, my right side. She pulled up one of the chairs, looking at my plate, "Toast? At least it isn't that vomit looking thing." A chuckle escaped me, but mother just gave her an eye.

My parents sat on my left side, awkwardly. My dad sat in the chair that was beside my bed, whereas my mom sat in the little couch near the doorway. He didn't say anything, just smiled. It would be stupid to think he too wasn't nervous. I just scooped my yogurt, forcing myself to eat it. My skin was beginning to crawl.

"How is your throat baby?" My mom was the one to speak, probably because if the silence continued we would all go crazy, "Still hurts?"

I just nod, shaking a bit,

Finally he decides to greet me, "Hey Noah... it's been a while." Again I just nod, using my sore throat as an excuse. The awkwardness flooded back. He hadn't seen me for two years, its not like he had a list of what we should talk about. Especially with his son being in this condition.

"Noah," Kendra takes a napkin, holding it out to me, "your nose." A droplet of blood falls down onto the white plate, startling my mom. She quickly stood up, rushing to grab the napkins, "Mom... it's just a bloody nose. He's not hemorrhaging." Unsure, my mom just stands there, pushing her hands together.

I tear a piece, stuffing it in my nose. After a couple minutes of getting used to the tissue, I smile at Kendra, "T-Thank you."

She shakes her head, "Don't push yourself, your throat isn't the best still." Instead of replying with a smartass comment, I just go back to eating. Kendra fixes herself and continues to break the silence, "So from what dad told me, his business is doing really well. Maybe next year he can spoil us by taking us on some vacation. I think Paris would be ideal."

Next year.

"But maybe London is better for you," she smiled like a fool, "since your allergic to the sun." Placing a bit of yogurt onto my spork, I launch a little at her. She hurriedly gets up, having it miss her and land on the chair. She glares at me, but I just shake from laughing, "Still got jokes huh?"

"No more you two," mom didn't sound so... stiff. She was lighthearted, smiling even, "Kendra, grab a tissue and wet it. Hurry."

She scurried to the sink, taking care of the mess I made. My dad just laughs, "Remember when you two got so angry with one another and decided that throwing dog shit at each other would be the perfect revenge? You both threw it at the same time, unaware that the other was doing the same thing." We all started to laugh, remembering how stupid Kendra and I were. That's what happens when you leave your son and daughter alone in a park, just so you could use the bathroom.

"The stench was stuck to you both for days!"

"If I remember correctly, I was the one who made the first shot!" Kendra bragged, feeling almighty.

"But your brother did hit you in the face with it," dad was holding his belly from laughing so much. Watching everyone laugh, no longer feeling tense, was a dream. It had been so long... I somewhat forgot.

I set my food down, just taking my mask completely off. My mother was the one to freak, "Noah! You can't take off your mask-" "I... I have something to say," everyone stopped. Though her back was to me, I knew Kendra could tell what I was about to say. What I was feeling. Taking a deep breath, I just smiled at my family, "In the matter of months, I won't be here anymore. I know you guys don't like it and would rather ignore it, but... but I have a request." It felt like my heart slowed down. That the blood in my veins just stopped, like everything was frozen and it was just me speaking, "When I'm gone, I don't want to be buried. Knowing you guys, you would come and visit me everyday and... and I don't want that burden on you. So, I want to be cremated. I want my ashes to be spread in the sea so I could travel everywhere."

A tear slipped down my cheek.

Just one tear.

"Then I want mom and dad to live together again," I coughed a bit, clutching my chest from the pain, "I know you two still love each other, it's just hard seeing your son like this. But... mom... dad... its not your fault. Neither of you got me sick... neither of you will be the reason why I pass away. So please stop hurting each other. What you truly need is to hold each other and help each other through the pain of losing me." I couldn't lift my gaze to my family, seeing them would just break me, "Kendra... I want you to do whatever you want... don't waste your time crying over me, okay? Do not cry over your big, dumb brother."

Don't cry.

I closed my eyes, breathing out my nose and taking one more big breath, "With the limited time I have... I don't want to wear anymore masks, gloves or covering myself. I want to be able to reach out and touch the people I love. Since I may never get that chance again.... so please... stop wearing masks... stop wearing gloves... and just hug me. Hold my head, rub my head... kiss my cheeks and caress my face. Make up for lost time because I refuse to die without ever being able to feel that warmth again."

Just a second, I felt like a lecture would come. Anger and brokenness, but what came was nothing like that. They held me, pulling me into their arms. My mother sobbed on me, whispering my name out like I was already gone. My sister grasped my hand, turning her face away so I couldn't see her cry. My dad... my held me too, holding back his tears to be strong. He had to be strong for them because once I am gone, I won't be the one to put the smile on their face.