When The Sun Came Up, You Were Gone

Little Sister's Warning(4)

Dominic

People always told me, "Don't cry over split milk! Life goes on!" It used to anger me, make me want to throw things or yell back. That was my childish side, a side that didn't know the real pain behind those words. Now, I see how truly painful those words are. Life goes on, no matter who or what is in this life. The world will continue to spin, people will still get up in the morning to work, families will still eat... no matter what.

Even if the world to one person seems to be ending, it is still moving.

It's been two weeks since Noah has been awake. I've been by his side the entire time. Not wanting the police to show up at my house, I've contacted the school and informed them of my absences. He seems to be slipping more and more away. Unsure whether he will ever return. Sometimes his hands even become cold, having my heart just stop. The only way to know he's alive is through the peeping of his monitor. The day that stops... I can't even imagine it.

Kendra usually brings me sandwiches, sometimes even a coffee when it's late. Today she brought me another Starbucks drink, "Anything?"

"Nope," I wrapped my fingers around the cup, soaking in it's warmth, "his eyelids continue to twitch and his monitor still shows signs of life. The doctor says he's in a stable condition right now... neither improving nor regressing."

"I guess there is some good news then," she was wrapped up, a scarf covering her cheeks. It has been freezing outside... a piece of me wonders if we'll get snow. "My mom and dad have mandatory work issues for the next couple of days, so it's just us," she muttered. Kendra and I speak fine between each other, but we really aren't good at talking. We sit for a while in silence, listening to his heartbeat on the monitor. He's become even skinner... paler. I couldn't tell whether he had skin or bone showing. Kendra placed her cup onto his tiny table, shoving her hands into her pockets, "Do you love my brother?"

"What?" I was startled for a moment... what?

"Do you love him?" She rested her back onto the chair, "I can tell he likes you but I doubt he realized it. My brother has never... never had anyone he cared about outside of his family and nurses. When he mentioned you, it was kinda shocking. You come here everyday and even skip school... that's a bit much for someone who is just his friend, don't you think?" A permanent frown remained on my face. I don't know why I've been so worried about him and why I feel the need to constantly be near him during this time... all I know is that I really feel it. She sipped on her coffee again, sighing loudly, "You two hold hands a lot... more than my boyfriend and I do. I don't have anything against homosexuals, but.... my brother... he can't satisfy you with his body you know."

I eruptedly stood from my chair, my drink falling out of my hands. The mess meant nothing to me. My eyes were glaring daggers at Kendra, my hands balled into fists, "I don't look at your brother and think of sex. I don't look at your brother and think of anything physical! 'He can't satisfy my body'... what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm just stating the truth," she stood up, pressing the nurse button, "I know many gays were are extremely sexual. In my eyes, it seems like they crave sex more than heterosexuals. So I'm saying this to make it clear that if you and my brother are in a relationship, to please realize the state he is in and not abuse the new desire to touch everyone he has possessed." Though she was undeniably short, she stood firm, our eyes locked, "My brother deserves to love and deserves to have what he wants in his few days, but... sex or anything like that is off the table. So if you can't control yourself, I am asking you to leave."

She wasn't homophobic... just protective.

The nurse came in, seeing the mess and calling for the janitor. Kendra and I waited outside Noah's room. The tiles in the hospital were old. Foot prints were visible and so were stains from previous patients. Taking a deep breath, I said, "You really lack knowledge on homosexuals, but i understand your concerns. No... I have no intentions to have any form of sexual relations with your brother. Even if my body wanted it, morally I could never bring myself to do it. As for your question... I have no idea. I have never once loved someone outside of my own family... but never have I gone to such lengths like I have for Noah. It hurts seeing him like this and it's even more painful to think that he... that he will be gone soon.... but I do not know how I feel and honestly I don't want to know. Feelings such as those will only cause more damage than good right now."

"I agree," she huffed, "love can really fuck people up, so if you can, ignore your heart when it tells you anything about love.... at least for now. My brother.... if Noah was told that you love him, more than a friend, it would break him."

"I know."

When the janitor was done, we went back in. Immediately I took his hand, placing my forehead on top of it. It was a long night, but I stayed awake. Telling stories after stories.... and when I ran out of stories I sung songs. I felt that if I didn't spend this time with him right now, I would regret it for life. So I bathed myself in Noah. Kendra left around four A.M. but I stayed. Bringing his hands to my mouth, I clenched it in my palms as hard as I could.

Tears streamed down my face.