When The Sun Came Up, You Were Gone

A life... I So Desperately Wished I Had,(4)

Noah's POV

"Have you ever had sex?" Dominic dropped the apple he had been eating for the past ten minutes. His face was shocked, mouth opened and apple piece visible. If my chest was hurting so badly, I might have laughed. It didn't seem like he was regaining his composure any time soon, so I asked again, "Have you ever had sex Dominic?"

Coughing a bit, playing with his hair, he muttered, "Why are you asking that?"

"I wanna know," my eyes remained on him. He was scratching his ear, then his neck, then his arms. This question seemed to really be eating at him. From how he's acting, I couldn't tell whether he had or not, but a part of me knew he had. Some nights when he came to my room a while back, before I fell into that attack, he smelled like cigarettes. I thought he smoked them, but when he talked, his breath didn't have a trace of the smell. His hair would be all messed up and his clothes a bit damp. Fixing my sheets, so my boney legs couldn't be seen, I spoke again, "A piece of me wants to try it."

"What?"

"But it's not like I could," I tried to make it light-hearted, tried to take away my pain. Dominic moved his chair closer, not touching me though. Staring at the sheets, as if some movie was playing on them, I mumbled out, "People want someone to hold... someone that doesn't look like they will fall apart if a gust of wind hits them. They want someone strong and sturdy, good looking as well. All I got is boney limbs, ghostly skin, and damaged lungs. Who knows... I could probably die just from kissing someone." I felt like I wanted to cry, but nothing came out. It was like I already used up all my tears. Or maybe its God telling me to stop crying over myself. Gripping my thighs, that were probably as thick as my arms, I asked, "How does it feel to be loved? To feel someone's body pressed up against yours... nothing in between? Is it as pleasurable as they say? Is it better than that? Is it thrilling or addicting? Do you really lose your train of thought? I know it's stupid of me to ask this... but when you're denied of something, don't you just crave it more? It's not like I'm aroused or anything, I can't possibly remember the last time I got hard. It seems that even my body doesn't want to be touched. Maybe all those pleasurable nerves died when I got diagnosed?"

He pushed up my sheets, taking my arm out from underneath. Placing the sheets down and holding my hand in his, he leaned towards it and left a kiss on my palm. I was mesmerized, totally engrossed in his actions. He kissed every finger, every nail and knuckle. He kissed the top of my hand, not letting an inch of skin be left alone. When he finished, he lifted his shirt just a bit and placed my hand on his left pec. My face was burning from embarrassment, but he remained calm and collected, "If you pay really close attention to your palm, you can feel my heart beat." So I focused on my palm, really narrowing my attention onto it. At first, all I could feel was his body heat. He was much warmer than myself, better shape as well. But soon I could feel his chest move when he breathed, a little bit in a pattern to be exact. Then I felt it. It was small, barely recognizable, but I could feel the little thumping from his chest. A smile came onto my face when I felt it... Dominic's heart... I can feel his heart. Without noticing, Dominic had leaned forward and pressed a kiss on my forehead, having myself become frozen, "Noah... you aren't unattractive and yes... Sex can be amazing, breath-taking and absolutely addicting, but it can't be like that unless you do it with someone you love. I should know... I've never had sex with someone I loved and it feels like I'm missing something at times. Yeah... it gets the job done, but it does not give me the satisfaction that I crave."

Suddenly, I pushed myself into him. Wrapping my arms around his bare torso, having his shirt ride up some more. He chuckled into my ear as he wrapped his arms around me. He was so warm... so strong. His arms felt a thousand times better than my bed... a thousand times better than any grassy field I could ever touch. I clung onto him, ignoring my aching back and burning chest. The pain was nothing as long as I could touch him. He never objected, never complained. The only time we broke apart was when he moved into my bed, so I could lay on him. He sat up as my head laid on his lap. He was running his fingers down my spine, gently sweeping them across my arms at times.

Drozy, I mumbled, "Stay here until morning."

"Alright," he leaned down, placing his nose in my hair. He was so soft... so gentle with me. Usually that made me feel weak and burdensome, but with him... I felt like a spoiled child.

And I wanted to be spoiled more.

When the nurse came in to give me some shots, he remained in my bed... of course by my request. The nurse just chuckled at us and left when she finished. He moved down to lay beside me, running a finger from my forehead to my nose, "Do you want me to hold you face to face, from the back, or let you lay on my chest?"

Unsure when it would ever happen again, I clasped my hand onto his, pressed his palm into my cheek and whispered, "Can I have all?"

His eyes became even more precious, "I'll do whatever it is you want." Pulling me into him, he started with the face to face. Since I'm a bit shorter than him, I placed my forehead on his chest, taking a big inhale. His smell was also relaxing.... I don't think there is a part of him that wasn't. He played with the ends of my hair, making me shiver whenever his fingertip accidentally tapped my neck, "You're sensitive on your neck."

"I'm ticklish," I muttered, "Kendra used to attack me at night some times. I always won... since I would accidentally kick her off me." He laughed, having us jolt a bit. His frame was much bigger than mine... and his body much fuller. I loved it. He was humming to something, so I tried to pick up what the song was and once I did, I pulled him closer, "Sing it for me."

"You sure you want me to sing?"

"Then whisper it," I snuggled closer to his chest, his chin now setting on top of my head, "please."

Kissing the top of my head, he whisper, "Anything for you." He took a moment, clearing his throat and started, "Somewhere over the rainbow... Way up high... There's a land that I've heard of...once in a lullaby....." He sung to me, until I could faintly hear his voice. I was beginning to fall asleep as I felt him pull me on top of him.

Oh yeah... he promised that he would hold me in all positions.

He tugged the blanket up, so it would cover me from the air vents. Through all this, he never stopped singing, "All my troubles melt like lemon drops... Way above the chimney tops...That is where you will find me..." It was soothing... so soothing.

That I fell asleep and dreamed of a life, where I was healthy and was with him.

A life... I so desperately wished I had,