CHAPTER 40

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Fyn's funeral was pathetic and sad and beautiful

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Fyn's funeral was pathetic and sad and beautiful.

We had stayed there, kneeling in the sand, the heat no longer painful compared to the burden we now carried. And after a few minutes, another ravishing breeze swept through the desert and were in a meadow once more.

Aester had fainted, so Pelias was able to tend his shoulder properly. Well, as properly as possible.

I had moved like a ghost, eyes puffy and red as we dug a small grave. I am sure the world was not silent, but I heard no sound, aside from Aester's voice in my head.

You should have saved her.

I clawed at the dirt with my hands.

The sand was soaked red, so red.

I clawed faster, deeper.

Sol, she had whispered. I watched the light leave her eyes.

I could feel my hand scratching against stones in the earth, as dirt pooled under my bleeding nails.

She was already dead when Odelyn came. Odelyn didn't watch her die.

I dug faster and faster, the dirt blurring until I felt a hand on my back.

"I should have saved her," I screamed, staring into Ciel's brown eye as he gazed at me, his features twisted into an expression of concern.

"I let her die," I whispered, sinking to my knees as I buried my face in my dirt covered, bloody hands.

He did not comfort me, just held me as I cried. I know someone finished the grave, they must have.

Pelias and Syrion wrapped her body in a length of canvas torn from a tent, and lowered the makeshift coffin into the earth.

I watched statuesque, as they gently covered her with dirt, but inside I was a hurricane. My mind hurled memory after memory, emotion after emotion at me and I doubled over, as if physically in pain.

Ciel steadied me, arm around my waist, and nudged me forward. I stepped towards the small patch of earth, placing down the bunch of flowers I must have gathered.

"Fyn was-" I began, my voice breaking, "Fyn was the best friend I could have asked for. Fiercely loyal, friendly to a fault- She- I-"

I stopped, but it was not the tears that rendered me unable to speak. Every time I tried to open my mouth a wave crashed over me.

The first time we met, her body in the vulcan's claws. Splashing with her in the lake, her blood on the sand. Giggling with her during training, Odelyn closing her eyes.

Laughter, pain, joy, fear, loss. Each one like a sharp kick to the gut.

I cleared my throat and quickly stepped back beside Ciel and the others went round and said their peices. Aester remained silent.

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