𝗔𝗖𝗘𝗗 𝗢𝗨𝗧! | bokuto kōtarō

𝗧𝗛𝗥𝗘𝗘 // existing limits

WEAKNESS #3
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
❝ He's too curious for his own good. ❞

☾ 𓅓

THE INSTANCES where I feel completely confident in myself are all but rare.

In hindsight, it sounds entirely self-deprecating when I put it that way, but I tend to come off as pessimistic, so bear with me here.

I mean, it's difficult, right? To carry yourself the way you want to and without paying mind to others? Maybe for some people, it's just second nature, but I'm not like them.

Trust me when I say that I don't like the side-eyed looks of disappointment, the muttered judgements about my character, the scalding comments disguised as constructive criticism (or maybe I'm just imagining it all).

I don't like making up worst-case scenarios, dreading every unfavorable situation that comes my way, and letting anxiety sink its teeth in.

I don't like thinking, thinking, and overthinking.

But that's just how I've lived and thought for as long as I've been me.

"Mochizuki Tomoyo..."

Because of all that, I guess, a strange combination of comfort and dignity stirs within me whenever I'm left alone with nothing but a series of math equations and the confidence of knowing exactly how to solve them.

And there's nothing else that can give me the same amount of clarity when I experience these far-and-few-between moments of certitude.

"Score of one-hundred." Ms. Itō showed me a rare smile as she handed my test back. "Nice work."

And that's when I know — I have to continue.

I have to do even better.

That's how someone like me can chase this stupidly addicting, elusive feeling of pride, no matter how small it may be.

I have to keep going, here in this place where I fight alone, win alone, lose alone.

Here, in my domain.

Ah, shoot. That sounded awfully arrogant for someone who was belittling herself earlier. Let's tone down the ego a bit. Why am I being so sensitive anyway? Maybe I didn't sleep enough last night, especially with everything that's happened lately. Or maybe I still haven't gotten over the argument from this morning.

"A perfect score, right off the bat!" Mitsu whistled, leaning close to catch a glimpse of my paper and pulling me out of the whirlwind of my thoughts. "Ah, I knew I should've put a negative sign there."

"What did you get?"

"Ta-da!" She showcased her quiz and flashed me a bright grin.

"Seventy-seven?"

"Yep! And you know how seven is my lucky number? Seeing it show up twice, side-by-side, should mean that something good is gonna happen! Maybe I'll finally get to kick Itachiyama's ass in the competition this year!"