Avengers/X-Men One Shots - The Blood/White Phoenix Saga

ONE-SHOT XXV: Hell's Kitchen, A New Acquaintance, and A Ledger Stained With Sins

Set a few weeks before the events of Blood Phoenix 6

Adelaide Lehnsherr

So much blood on my hands.

A ledger, stained with sins.

Little did I know that those words I had spoken a lifetime ago to someone very special to me. Those words were on my mind now as I ascended the steps of the large Catholic church in a place none other than Hell's Kitchen. I had convinced myself I needed this; that if God was really all-knowing, all powerful - he could help me. Really help me. Steve had attempted to convince me I needed this. My mom had believed in God - or at least from what I knew of her. There are some memories of her trying to get me to go to church, but those memories are few and far between. I remember my dad believed, or at least his mother did. She was Jewish in the time of the Holocaust. I remember reading about the cataclysmic world event that took the lives of my grandparents.

I came up to the door and pushed it open slightly, peeking in. The room was dark, with a few candles all around, bathing the room in a dark, reddish-black glow that was almost eerie. I stepped in, letting the door shut behind me, jumping mildly when it slammed on its holdings.

'Damn,' I said, not noticing how far my voice carried, even while speaking in a soft voice, just above a whisper. I stepped forward, my short heels making a thin echoing sound on the rough carpet. I looked. Right in front of me, bathed in a unnatural glow from the stained glass mural behind it, was the cross of Christ. The small gold crucifix sat there, just waiting for me, almost beckoning me to come closer. Not knowing what to do with myself, I shuffled into one of the seats and sat down, the hard, cold wood welcoming me. I sat on the bench with one leg crossed over the other, my brown leather dress pants squeaking slightly. I looked around curiously at the place, then sat back. I closed my eyes, somehow thinking that if I was just still, something would come to me. A sign, maybe? Something.

I sat there for hours, my mind begging to be released from what seemed like torture. I needed to be doing things, or else my mind would float to all the bad things in my life. But I felt, in that moment - I had to speak about it. But why speak to a God who didn't talk back? And the crucifix wasn't helping either. I blinked slowly, letting my eyes open and adjust to the eerie glow once more. Then I took a deep breath...

And spoke. 'Hey God, it's me. I haven't spoken to you, so - I don't even know what this is like. What am I supposed to do? What to say? I just - I can't fathom how a God so good would let so many bad things happen. I don't know; I feel like I've been cheated out of a good life. I'm not sure what leads me here. I don't even know why I came. I have no idea what I was looking for. I - I - I just want something. A sign, maybe. Something to tell me that you're here; that you're really looking out for me in all of this.' I took a deeper breath, taking in my words, then went on. 'My ledger's stained with sins. I'm not happy with my life. I've done - so many bad things. I've killed, lied, deceived... I've murdered innocent people. People who didn't deserve to die so soon. People -' and at this my voice halted as I swallowed back my tears.

Despite my best efforts, a stray tear dripped its way down my cheek. 'I've murdered women, and children. Destroyed families. Homes. Lives. God, tell me. Tell me that there's a better way to live. Tell me that I can somehow be more than what they trained me to be. Tell me that I can get out of this, this - this destructive cycle of pain and - and nightmares.' Tears freely dripped down my face now. I was getting infuriated with the silence. 'Just tell me! Please! I can't live like this anymore. Just. Tell me. Please help. If you see me, if you care... please.' I sat there, tears still falling. Just then I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped. Right there was a young man with sunglasses on. It seemed like he had a kind face, but I didn't recognise him. At all.