To the Butterflies and Peonies 《Demon Slayer》

10. It's The Comfort Held Dearly

Kanao Tsuyuri.

A special girl who, just like her and her sister, needed safety like any human being. Even when the girl wasn't fazed by any emotions that could've once circled in her eyes (something that greatly irked the younger Kochou), Kanae believed, deep down, that she could still muster these emotions. It may take a long time - she was aware of this once she took her in as her adopted sister.

Did that waver her feelings about the situation in the slightest?

If it did, she wouldn't have decided to speak with the emotionless Tsuguko when her eyes fell on her.

Inwardly, Kanao was forever grateful. She knew it wasn't necessary, to feel so indebted when she gave her a second chance to living normally, but it felt as if she'd reap what she owed. It didn't matter that she wasn't all too close with Shinobu nor did she show her feelings at the news of her death. No, that wasn't it at all. Far from it.

It conflicted her severely.

The parting emotion of being useless. Unable to do anything to prevent the tradegy from beginning. That stinging inability to voice out her tears and frustrations like the rest of the Butterfly Estate's residences(they shedded more tears imaginable than she wished to believe). That she recalled vividly.

She hadn't meant to act so coldly in front of her memorial as the girls sobbed. Remembering as clear as day the grief expressed on each of their faces as the only other who hadn't shed a tear that day was her adopted sister. The younger Flower Breath user expected full tears and sobs from the eldest Kochou. To wail and weep like the rest of the residents. Maybe be angered for the blank reaction she gave. Instead, she turned to her and it's far from what she expected. Empty, guilty, yet it was strong.

Kanae's face was that. A comforting smile (though she noted how stiff it was), hidden the anguish she felt that day, and only placed her hand on her shoulder. Her hand was warm through the uniform. Her touch gentle and fragile. It wasn't what she expected at all. Kanao took a daring step and lifted her head to meet her gaze. No tears, no redness. Nothing at all.

Only the faintest light dwindling in those empty violets.

She remembered Kanae's pale hand gently sliding up to the back of her head and brought her close. Her forehead met the Hashira's shoulder as her other hand made its way on her back. The sudden embrace was sisterly. She's often seen this done to Shinobu whenever the latter was stressed from her work or from her elixirs gone wrong. It's something different with these hugs in comparison to those she's gotten. The confliction wrestling in her chest almost subsided from the touch.

For some reason, it's almost as if she didn't want to meet her scrutinizing gaze.

Her fingers stroked the back of her head and Kanae breathed deeply. Something ached in her chest. It hurts. That's what she felt inside. The question forming at the tip of her tongue melted away in surprise.

"It's okay, Kanao." Kanae assured softly. Kanao's brows furrowed and frowned. "It's fine."

Why was she being comforted?

"You don't have to show it."

It shouldn't be her that's in need of comfort.

"I'm sorry for adding more burdens to you, and everyone."

Then why's her heart lurching at the words? Kanao bit her inner cheek, focusing on the ground over Kanae's shoulder. She shouldn't be apologizing. She wanted to tell her to stop. It's not her fault. It was never her fault.

But the words never left.

Bringing the coin out wouldn't be the best option now either. Her mind grinded for something to say, something to do. It thought of nothing.