Ashfall: City of Shade (UNDER EDITING)

Chapter 32 | Caught

ADLER

"Good morning, sweet pearl."

Her head lifts from my arm. I am uncertain how she feels after our wonderful kissing last night. My anxieties settle as her plump lips land on my mouth giving me a fleeting kiss.

Her voice is gentle, "Good morning. Brommy went to retrieve my friend."

I join her below the clout over near a large potted plant.

"Then, that means we have some time to ourselves."

"It would seem so."

"What if we had sex but I did not put a baby in you?"

"What would be the point?"

"My sweet, it feels very good. When was the last time you felt very good?"

She glares at me through tears.

"It is not about feeling good. It is about finding someone like me."

"Yes, you are lonely. Perhaps, you may think I feel otherwise with Cephine. May I remind you the purpose of my union with her is to keep you safe. I love only you."

"I am not interested in sex," she states flatly. "I think it is grotesque. Filthy. What do you think I feel when I know you are addicted to it? Your stare repulses me for it is all you think about!"

"You are wrong to say that is all I think about. I do feel alone in this world. Women make me feel loved, I love them."

"You love sex," she corrects, "You love how it makes you feel. Everything is always about you men. It makes me wish no longer to be one or see one. It makes me want to go far away, for even women, they do not understand. No one understands. The cloud you carry has settled over my heart, and my heart is tired Adler, very tired. I want to laugh and be happy like you are during sex, but I do not want sex."

I don't intend to growl, but the gods let me.

"You think I am happy now?" My pearl shrinks away. I feel possessed by something other. "Happiness is fleeting! You don't know a thing about love, but whether you like it or not, sex is a big part of it! The gods created you for men for one thing only. It is why you are looking for a female god, isn't it? The greatest atrocity would be for a woman to sleep with a woman! I do not think your soul is female or male. You are something else far more disgusting and useless! You are not needed here."

I'm waiting for my sweet to cry or get angry.

Instead, she sits on the ground and begins playing with the tiny bugs crawling through the cracks on the glass floor.

She speaks so calm as if having envisioned it many times, "That's why I want to die, Adler. I have been telling you this for some time now. One day, you will wake up and I will be gone forever. It will be the happiest day of my life."

I cover my face. A creeping feeling. It builds within my chest as I watch her stand up, spinning in a circle while cupping the bug in her hands. Her tunic bubbles around her. It makes my heart race like never before as I watch her run off to greet Brommy and her friend.

I become an outsider looking in on some other bastard's life.

This sinking feeling brings me to my knees. Screaming like an incubator in labor. I cover my face, trembling in heavy silence.