Finding Abby

7

When we come out of my bedroom Ben is in the lounge dressed only in black jeans slung low around his waist. He's pulling a t-shirt out of his bag. I pretend to look down at my phone as I shuffle past in case he's embarrassed about being half dressed in front of total strangers.

"Hey," Finn says to him behind me. "I'm here for my joyride."

Ben laughs lightly, no hint of embarrassment in his voice at all. "Let me get some clothes on and we'll head out."

I keep my eyes lowered until we're in the kitchen and Finn's closed the door behind us then I flop into a chair.

"This is gonna be insane," he beams, sculling the juice I poured him earlier. "Do you wanna come?"

"As far as I've been told, the 1975 H.J. Sandman has a total of two seats." Ben had regaled me with a hundred facts about his car at the pub last night.

The door opens. Ben is dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans. He rattles his car keys at Finn. "Let's go, my man."

Finn's next to him in a heartbeat.

Ben clicks his finger at me. "Don't go anywhere. You're taking me on a tour of the 'hood remember? We won't be long."

My heart does a little jump in my chest. "I'll be here."

I get up and follow them to the door.

"Are you going home or coming back here?" I ask Finn.

Finn also clicks his finger at me. "I'll go home but I'll call you"—he glances between Ben and me— "about the stuff."

"You've got your Driver's License, right?" Ben asks.

Finn only got his license a month ago. He's saving up for a car of his own.

"Yeah," Finn grins; taps his pocket, "and now it's going to lose its virginity in a Sandman. Oh yeah, baby."

He laughs and Ben shakes his head at me. I close the door on Finn asking a dozen questions about the car and Ben answering just as enthusiastically as they head out to the road.

I know what I want to happen when Ben gets back.

I get myself ready for it.

***

The mixtape is in front of me on the kitchen table when Ben throws open the front door and drops his keys on the coffee table. He comes into the kitchen, sees me and smiles, holds his hair back into a ponytail while he surveys the scene. I've been sitting there for twenty minutes. Waiting. I've plugged the stereo in and pressed the cassette player open so it's gaping wide and ready.

"This looks serious." He sits opposite me and puts his phone down.

"It is."

"Okay then." He settles back in his chair and rests his hands on the table.

I push the tape towards him. "Tell me what this is."

Ben looks down at the tape. He picks it up carefully and runs through the list of songs, opens the cover, slips the tape out, then the cardboard sleeve. When he sees the note inside, his jaw tightens and I see him swallow heavily. He reads it over a few times and then places the tape down on the table between us with a slow hand.

"Did you give this to Mum?" I ask.

He rests his hands back flat on the table and looks directly at me. "No."

"If it wasn't you, then who?" I'm staring him down because I know he knows.

"I've never seen it before." He keeps his eyes locked on mine.