Finding Abby

25

The sun is brilliant and high, shining down on the beach with its spring-yellow glow. The wind breathes lightly over us, and the sea is a smooth, glassy endless blue – the calmest I've seen it for a while. I've clocked where the rip is - right where there's a line of low curling waves, far out at the edge of the bay. Ben sits on the bluestone wall that leads up to the Port Fairy lighthouse, its red cap cheerful against the electric blue sky. He's in bare feet, wearing black jeans and a brown corduroy jacket, strumming his guitar — something mellow that rings out in time with the softly sweeping waves that glide across the rocky beach.

Everyone stands around him in their colourful clothes.

Except Mum.

She's not here.

I was already down on the beach making sure the flowers Claire ordered were laid out on the paddleboards when I got the text from Ben.

Sorry Jenna, Abby's not coming. I've done my best. I'll be there ASAP.

I must've stared at his message for too long as my heart bashed away inside me and everything else disappeared because Alex had nudged my arm where he was helping Zee get the digital camera set up on the tripod.

"Everything okay?" he'd said, squinting at me under his straight black fringe in the glare of the sand.

I'd gone to tell him, then decided not to. I'd turned my phone off and put a stiff smile on my lips; pretended it was okay. Like I'd been doing for years. "Yeah. All good. Waiting for Minds to let me know where she is."

"She'll be here, don't worry," Alex had nodded at me with a firm look then turned back to Zee who grumbled at him for not holding the tripod straight.

When Ben arrived at the beach, he'd pulled me into a hug. "She was really upset," he'd explained. "She said she wouldn't know how to cope being around all these people. I'm sorry—"

"It's fine. It's not your fault. Zee's filming it for the people that can't make it," I said to him.

And now all these people are here for Mum and my dad. But Mum couldn't get the courage up to be here for me or any of them. I'm furious at her. I know it's hard for her but I'm still furious.

I look for Finn.

He's over chatting to Claire and Chris with his parents. Paddy is in a fold-out pushchair, waggling his feet around, gazing out at all the people who coo over him. Finn's Dad watched the video Ollie Glass made for me and hasn't stopped smile-crying since he arrived. He was really upset to find out my dad was one of the kids who died at the Silent Moth concert. When he saw me, he folded me into a massive hug that lasted way too long, and Finn's mum had to drag him away from me with an embarrassed grin. Alex's family is here and Zee's too - his brother keeps asking me when Minda's getting here. I keep shaking my head and telling him I'm not sure. A bunch of other people Finn invited from school who we sometimes hang out with are here as well as my swim team. Some of the guys from the surf life savers - and the Nippers. Jake's here with his mum. And, for some reason Mr Chiodini is here. Finn's already told me to keep my eyes above his crotch line, or he'll have to have words with me later.

People I don't know are gathered around - some I'm related to who have come from all over Victoria. Claire's parents — my dad's parents — my grandparents — they're here. I can't believe it. My new-found granddad tells me to call him Stu. He's wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a bright green flat cap, and I don't think he can't stop looking at me because every time I look at him his twinkling blue eyes are on me. I can't keep my eyes off him either. I know straight away we're kindred spirits. He taps my shoulder with his finger and says he's been waiting to meet me because he needs help with his MySpace page. I don't want to start off on the bad foot with him by telling him no one uses MySpace so I grin and nod and say of course I will. Then he nudges me in the ribs with his elbow and says, "No one has MySpace any more Jenna, come on!"