Far From Perfect || Tronnor

1: Safety Zone

I have this rule. It is something that I have set aside, so that I don't embarrass or make a big fool of myself. I want to be cool, and so I can't act like the stupid, anti-social kid that I am. It's bad enough that I'm gay and living in one of the most homophobic cities on this planet. I would never even stand a chance at having friends if people found out about my social awkwardness.

You know when your parents tell you, "Rules are made for your safety,"? Well they aren't kidding. I was twelve when I made my rule, and I'm seventeen now. I have only broke it a couple of times, and when I did, things didn't end great. Thus, making me stick to it even more.

There is a common thing that many parents tell their kids. It usually has something to do with: "Don't talk to strangers!" Now as much as I agree with this, I also like to take things a little bit further. My rule is: Don't talk, interact, or even do anything that recognizes the existence of someone who isn't in the "safety zone". The safety zone is how I categorize people based on whether someone is or isn't a person that I would be able to hold a conversation with (or even form a sentence) without harming myself in any way, shape, or form.

It is pretty obvious whether someone is in the 'safety zone' or isn't. For example: if a creepy, forty year old man on a sexting app asks for my nudes, I would defiantly not categorize him in the 'safety zone'. However, things can get a little tricky when, a. he is extremely hot, b. he is extremely rich, and c. I am extremely desperate and/or lonely on Valentine's Day. All kidding aside, the 'safety zone' has literally saved me from irrational embarrassment, such as having my nudes leaked onto the inevitable place called 'The Internet'.

Now obviously certain people are by default stuck in the safety zone. However, that doesn't mean that I can't decide to temporarily remove them from it. Like, for say, if my brother, Steele, is being a dick, I will just completely ignore him until I find him worthy of my recognition. The problem with family is that, because I am forced to interact with them, they have to be in my safety zone.

I like to think that my friends have a temporary admission into the safety zone. Once I find them okay and allow them in, they have to appreciate the privilege they are getting. If they do otherwise, or prove themselves not to be worthy of the privilege, I'll just give them what they deserve: complete isolation from me. Literally the only two people on this planet that I've managed to never de-safety zone, are my best friends, Zoe Sugg, and Tyler Oakley.

Zoe is literally my queen. She and I go way, way back. Basically, we met in kindergarten and since, our parents haven't been able to keep us apart. Literally, whenever we were together, all they could comment about was how 'we were going to marry each other when we were older' and how 'cute of a couple we were going to be'. At least my family managed to stop when I came out as gay to them when I was fifteen. I told Zoe before I told them, and for almost a year, anytime anyone made one of those comments, I could see her stifling a laugh.

Now Tyler and I have some history. When I first met him, I could clearly tell he was gay. Like he told me many times after, "I wear my heart on my sleeve." So with him and I being the only openly gay people in literally the entire state, we thought we could try being in a relationship. Things ended quickly when we realized that everything we were doing was clearly platonic. So pretty much: there wasn't any romantic chemistry. We still decided to be friends, and even though for a while everything was really awkward, we ended up being the best of friends.

I have been living with the 'safety zone' rule for so long it has become a lifestyle. I don't have many friends because I don't allow myself to meet many people. I often end up being called, "introverted", or, "anti-social". I usually ruin relationships because I have a hard time forgiving people once they are not part of the safety zone. But with all the down sides to the rule, I have also been able to select who I want in my life and who I don't; something I know many people do not get the opportunity to do.

This is exactly why when I first saw him, I knew immediately that he was someone I didn't need in my life.

--

Winter break was finally over and I was supposed to be heading off to my first day of school back from break. I am homeschooled for the most part, but I excel in English, so my parents make me take a harder English course at my local high school. They also force me to do Phys. Ed there, but for most of time I end up skipping because physical activity is really not my thing.

So on this Monday, my English class was scheduled for the first block in the morning. Naturally, I slept in. That meant that I didn't have any time to take a shower. I ended up rushing around the house looking for the only shirt that matched the only clean pants in my drawers. I looked in the washroom, my bedroom, the laundry room, and literally every other place in my house. Giving up, I went downstairs to the kitchen to confront my mom about my issue. She was making scrambled eggs for me and my two younger siblings, Tyde and Sage. When she looked up from what she was doing, her eyes widened. "Oh my Lord, Troye. Put a shirt on!" she said.

"I've been trying to find it, mama dear," I replied with a sigh. I sat down on one of the stools in front of the island counter we had in the middle of the kitchen. Just as she finished with the eggs and buttering the toast, Tyde and Sage walked in together. Sage was looking marvelous as ever strutting a new sweater she got for Christmas. Tyde on the other hand, looked almost like a big of a mess as me, wearing a dark blue--"Tyde, get that shirt off right now!" I yelled.

Obediently, he obliged. Only then did I notice the sly smirk he was wearing. That little fuck. I quickly threw shirt on and finished the egg sandwich I had been eating at the time. I gave my mom a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, flashed Tyde the middle finger when my mom wasn't looking, smiled at Sage, and walked to the front of my house. I put on a pair of vans, threw the beanie I leave on the coat hanger to cover up my bed head, and finally left the house with my keys in my hand.

When I was on the road, I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. I wasn't really too badly behind schedule. I had ten minutes until school started. Despite that fact that I knew I would've only just made it to school before the last bell rang, I decided to head to Starbucks. Logic.

Unfortunately, at this Starbuck's, there wasn't a drive thru, so I was forced to have face-to-face confrontation with another human being. Knowing that I didn't have a minute to waste, I brought up the courage to walk inside. I had only step a foot into the store when someone backed up right into me. The person--whom I had managed to safely walk around without any more contact--was slightly taller than me. He had brown hair that was slightly lighter than my own. I know I should've just kept walking, but instead I looked over my shoulder just once. And as I did, I saw his expression go from shock, embarrassment, and guilt, back to (what I presumed) was his more natural expression: really bubbly with just the slight bit of cockiness. Just before I could look away again, his eyes met mine and he did something that I'll never forget. He winked at me.

That little fuck.