Limelight

Chapter Thirty-Five

~~Suffering in Solitary~~

"Jacks!" She cried out for him only meeting him downstairs in the lobby, after practically flying down the staircase after ditching her heels. Her heart stuck in her throat, the wind breaking past her skin as she climbed down the stairs pushing past not even skipping a beat to apologize. All she could think was how much she had fucked up and how much Jacks was going to hate her. The feeling came to her like solid fear lodged in her chest keeping her from being able to breathe. All she could think was that she needed to find Jacks.

She knew Jacks heard her because she could see the way his shoulders tightened speeding up his walk to the door. She felt herself get faster ignoring the scornful looks in her direction as she ran after him, almost barreling into him as she met him outside. She took his arm holding him back from leaving her. "Jacks... Please," She said beneath breaths, "Don't leave, not yet, please."

Jacks didn't even look at her, stopping and looking everywhere else. Aaliyah would take whatever she could get, at this point, she didn't even deserve to have him hear her out. The main street was bustling and brimming with life, though the night blanketed the sky heavily, streetlights, headlights burned out the darkness. She remembered what she said about New York earlier like she wasn't used to seeing. How badly she wished that it would all go away, between Jacks and the screaming in her head, it was just white noise now.

She swallowed hard, Aaliyah was usually so great with words, she usually knew just what to say for almost any situation she was in, but this, this wasn't it. When she needed her words the most was when it decided to evade her, but she supposed that there wasn't much anyone could say to fix this. "I— I don't know what to say," She stammered over her words, holding onto him for dear life. His face spasmed with pain, and Aaliyah felt her heartbreak, "There's nothing I can actually say to make this better. I don't even deserve the opportunity to say anything. I want to say I'm sorry but—"

"You're not though," Jacks said without inflection finally meeting her gaze, and there was something about the sight of his stony blue eyes like glaciers that hollowed out her insides and made her feel as though she was about to be pushed off a cliff, "Are you?"

His voice was blank, but it still pierced her heart painfully. Her mouth dried up, "I am," She argued, "I'm so, so sorry. I was drinking and I was sad, and he was—"

"You were drinking?" Jacks echoed distantly, suddenly letting his gaze slide back to hers. Aaliyah was slightly taken aback. She didn't know how to respond, she opened her mouth to speak, then clamped it shut unsure of the strange look in Jacks' eyes as though he were trying to piece together everything that happened in the last five minutes. She didn't understand. All Aaliyah could think about was just how close she was to losing him, how terrified she was of letting that happen, "You're drunk?"

Aaliyah stared back at him. He had a brow raised at her. She was sure he was asking her, but words wouldn't fall from her mouth. Why was he so concerned with the fact that she was drinking? "I— I mean, yes, a little, but Jacks, please hear me—"

"You were sad and drinking. I hadn't been there for you tonight, no one really was," Jacks said as though in deep thought, and then he met her gaze again, the blue sparkling under the glowing lights of the Waldorf. He was beautiful, Aaliyah thought, taking her breath away. And she was so scared, "But he was. He was there for you, and you made a mistake, but you were drunk. Nothing's changed, right?"

Aaliyah, suddenly realizing what he was doing, felt herself start to tear up. She could hear it in the even tone of his voice. It was the only thing holding together his resolve. His attempt at rationalizing all of this, trying to make sense of it. Trying to understand. That's who Jacks was. Someone who needed things to make sense, needed logic and rational thinking even when it came to things like love. He was very different from Blair, who always dove in headfirst, in all things, always reminding Aaliyah that love and emotions like it don't always make sense. Love isn't always about what's logical, it's about what makes you feel alive. She pressed her lips together as she held Jacks' gaze, her vision starting to blur with her tears, but she blinked them away. "Jacks—"