[Shadowhunter] Imagines

Let me alone! - Raphael Santiago

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You are a newly turned vampire and hate your new life.

Characters involved: You, Raphael Santiago, Simon Lewis

Triggers: Self-Hate, Suicide

Request: //

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You threw the door to your room shut behind you and locked it. You had enough.

Back as a mundane you had an amazing life. You were successful at school, just signed your contract for the academy of art, you had an amazing and caring family, funny and intelligent friends and a nice home in the city boundaries of New York.

But now? You were literally locked into an old abandoned and moldy hotel, full of vampires... monsters... what ever you want to call them. You lost your home, your family and friends. Your occupation, aims and hopes in life.

And everyone pretended like it was nothing.

You threw yourself onto the big bed and buried your face into the pillow, crying big and silent tears.

Someone knocked onto the door. "Y/N? Come on, open up. I'm a bit worried. You haven't been talking to me the entire day... well, you haven't been talking to anyone in general. What I was trying to say was..." It was Simon and he was rambling, again.

He really tried to be nice and all but it didn't change the overall problem that you are a monster that just downed an entire liter of blood in the living room.

You were a monster. And if you ever lost control because of a bad day or anything, people would die.

Maybe at the end of the day it would be better to end it all.

"... and now I can't open the door because you locked it and I..." Simon was still rambling, ripping you out of your thoughts.

"Simon, just shut up. Let me alone." You sounded like a brat but didn't care.

"Oh okay, but please make sure to come to me if you ever want to talk. You're not alone." You heard him walk away from your room and were relieved. He was nice, but also annoying at some time.

Eventhough you didn't feel alright, you left your room again. You gave this life another try, even if it may be hard.

Some days later nothing really changed, except when a fellow clan member brought the dead body of a young man, probably your age, to the hotel. He threw him onto the floor carelessly.

"What did you do? Is he dead?" You said, standing up from one of the sofas.

The vampire chuckled. "Well, I was hungry. That's what we do. We kill when we desire it. Eventually you will join. And now help me to bury the corpse."

And that was the moment you realized, there was no possible way for you to live this life. You stood up and ran into your room again, locking the door.

Everytime you closed your eyes to blink, you saw the dead body in front of you. You've been in that situation, but nobody decided to give you the peace of letting you stay dead.

Every thought lead you back to the statement "Eventually you will join". Would you? Would you turn crazy and kill your family, your former friends, people with a family?

You broke down to the floor and began to cry. The existence that Raphael gave you, wasn't worth living. And you know that only the sun was a solution. You opened the curtains of your room, knowing you would burn when the sun rose again.

After some more hours of crying you fell asleep, tears of sorrow making your cheeks glimmer in the shallow light.

You dreamed about the grave you were buried in. The pain it caused you to crawl out, the hunger, the burning in your throat and lungs. It was horrible. You almost reached the surface of the grave, when someone woke you up.

It was Raphael. He was sitting on the rim of your bed. "Y/N, why were the curtains open?" He sounded strict and calm at the same time.

You simply mumbled a "Let me alone!" and turned your back on him, staring at the curtains that were closed by now. It was probably Raphael who did that.

"I am not going to let you alone now. I'm your sire and I know that you are not feeling well. And now look at me, it's rude to turn your back on someone like that." That strict tune in this voice...

You didn't move, but it wasn't really a choice. He simply grabbed you by the waist and turned you around forcefully, but still soft and caring at the same time.

"Tell me, fledgling, what is the problem?" He smiled lightly.

"I am the problem. What I am is the problem. What we do is the problem. He just... killed someone innocent... He..." You sat up and didn't come further since the tears began to roll down your cheeks once again.

He wiped the tears away with the palm of his hand. "But that's not what we usually do. And because Eric killed someone, it doesn't mean that we have to do it too. He will get sued by the clave once we find the corpse. It's forbidden."

"But still... I'm a monster." The tears didn't stop.

Raphael came closer and hugged you, stroking your back. "No, you're not. You're still the Y/N like before, just with some special add-ons like encanto, super-speed and forever anti-aging."

You wanted to laugh but the overall situation didn't let you.

Raphael still hugged you. "You'll never be alone. You'll always have me... and annoying fledgling aka Simon."