[Shadowhunter] Imagines

It's not a phase - Maryse Lightwood

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You are a nephilim and currently questioning your sexuality.

Characters involved: You, Maryse Lightwood

Triggers: Fear of Coming out

Request: //

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This has been going on for a while now... A long while. Actually you didn't remember a time where you didn't feel that way.

Everything was so confusing, but the only thing that was for sure: You weren't straight.

You sat on a bench in the garden at the institute. You always came here when you wanted to think, and the others just let you.

You were so afraid. Of everything and everyone. You were afraid you might let a sentence slip that would out you, the reaction of your parents, of your friends, of your parabatai. 

Would they accept you? They are so traditional. They probably wouldn't. They would abandon and hate you...

Wrapped up in your thoughts you didn't realize that somebody joined you.

"Y/N?" You heard a female voice and rose your head in shock. It was Maryse.

She smiled and came closer. "Can I sit with you?"

You nodded. "Okay, act straight. It's not that hard... You've acted straight for years now." You thought to yourself.

She sat down next to you and sighed. "I don't know what to wear on Sunday."

You looked at her in confusion. "What's on sunday?"

She chuckled. "My son is getting married. He finally asked Magnus. Did you forget about that?"

All the information came back into your mind and you shook your head. "No, I didn't forget. I was just a bit busy the last time."

"Yeah, busy with your own mind. We've all noticed that. What's wrong, Y/N? Feel free to talk to me." She laid one of her hands on your shoulder.

You just let out a sharp breath and decided to trust her and give it a shot. "What did you think when Alec told you that he was gay?"

She smiled. Not the reaction you expected. "I need to be honest with you. I was shocked in the first moment. I imagined him to marry a woman at the age of like 26, so they could announce my grandchildren some years later. Alec would be the head of the institute then and our family name would be full of honor again."

You looked away. "So you were mad?"

She shook her head. "You didn't understand. I said I was shocked, not mad. He's my son. I carried him for 9 months directly in my body, right under my heart. How could I be mad?"

You shrugged your shoulders. "Because you expected something else."

She smiled. "Yeah, but my expectations are my problems. My son and also my daughter aren't on this earth to live out my expectations. They are independent and free and all a mother could wish for, is their children's happiness."

You nodded and avoided her glance. "You aren't straight, are you?" She finally asked the question you were so afraid of.

You nodded your head and some tears slipped down your cheeks. "Maybe it's just a phase."

She grabbed you by the chin and forced you to look at her. "It's not a phase! You're feelings are real! Stop underestimating them. And stop crying about it. It's nothing to cry about."

"But what if my family and my friends don't accept me?" You wiped your tears away.

"My dear Y/N, I wish I could promise you that they will accept you with no doubt. But I can't. But you have to tell them. And if they don't accept you, someone else will. It's their problem, not yours. Never be ashamed for who you are. I am glad that you are here and that you are yourself. I am proud  of how far you've come and I'm so curious where your love will bring you one day. As long as you're happy, everything is alright."