LOVE SCARS || Daryl Dixon

XIX

ISABELLÁ

AFTER DARYL FINISHED nursing the baby to sleep, I walked up to him.
"Hey super nanny, my turn" I said reaching out my arms to hold her.

This baby gave me hope. In this shitty fucked up world, her and Carl gave me hope. No matter how much I wanted to leave this group I knew I couldn't leave them. I promised Lori I would protect them.

Daryl carefully transferred the baby to my arms. She stirred a little but I shushed her back to sleep.
"Ya really care about her don't ya?" He asked

"I made a promise" I said not looking at him.

"To Lori?" He questioned.

"She made me promise that I'd look after her baby and Carl like they were my own" I said looking down at the baby in my arms.

"Rick should be here taking care of them" he said a little bitter.

"I know" I said so quietly it came out as a whisper.

•~•~•~•

A week later

This past week I've found myself taking lead within the group. Since Rick has lost it, I've been the person the the group look to. In all fairness, I don't think I completely have my sanity - I never really have.

Me and Daryl have had very off and on moments lately. One minute he's so caring and then the next he's a complete asshole. I feel like it's because he realises he's letting his guard down to me and then he tries to push me away. I just wish he'd realise that I'm not going to hurt him, I could never do that to him.

I tried to be alone as much as I could. I had no idea how to even process the deaths of Lori, T-dog and Carol. Nobody that I'd been close with had ever died, well I guess that's because I'd never been close to anyone before.

I've never been able to deal with friendships and relationships. I had friends as a kid but there was never really a bond there. It's was the same even in adulthood.
Except in this world... it was different. These people had forced me to make relationships. They made me feel too deeply... for one person in particular.

But everyone leaves eventually, whether it's death, moving away, finding someone better... everyone leaves.

I sat on my bed cradling Lori's baby in my arms. I noticed when I fed her this morning that we had already gone through nearly two pots of baby formula.
"Hey" Maggie said smiling as she stood in the door way.
I gave her a weak smile back.

"Is it okay if me and Glenn go on a run to get some more stuff for the baby?" She asked.

"Can I come with ya both?" I replied.

"Sure" she smiled.

I knew I was going to feel like a third wheel for sure but I hadn't been out the prison in a week and I was going stir crazy. I felt like a stay at home mom.