Losing Grip

Chapter 12➷ They Say Crows Can Detect Fear

"Avery."

I broke out of my trance and opened my eyes. Avan was standing in front of me with his hand on my shoulder.

"Hi," he said with a gentle voice. "You didn't move for a while. I was worried."

"I didn't notice you were already here."

He glanced down at my shoes in my hand and gave me a puzzled look. I put them back on and he chuckled.

"Want to sit down?" he asked, nodding toward a large tree behind us.

Orange tinted its leaves even though we were just approaching spring.

Although there were several benches surrounding the park, Riley always preferred sitting on the grass, leaning against the beautiful oak tree. Its sturdiness and rough exterior seemed able to weather the worst of storms and instilled the confidence that it could handle our problems as well.

Bruises and marks covered the trunk of the tree, testifying to its extensive understanding of pain; yet it still stood.

My fingers brushed over the carvings and unsolicited memories rushed back, as Avan and I sat against the trunk.

"He probably thinks I don't care," Riley said out of the blue.

We were walking to the park after school in silence as she anxiously bit her nails.

"And why would he think that?" I tried to remain emotionally detached from their couple issues but it was quite hard to achieve when she told me everything.

"Well—" She gave me a sheepish smile—"because I told him I didn't care."

It may have been because I was an uninvolved third party but it occurred to me that they would have less problems if they were more direct with each other.

"I mean, I know he's only a junior this year and probably doesn't care about prom," she continued, turning to face me to make sure I was still listening. "Not that I care that much about it..." She interrupted herself when she deciphered the skepticism on my face. "Fine, I do care a little. It's my last year and I want to take advantage of these little moments I get to spend with him."

"Maybe you should tell him all that," I pointed out.

I didn't mind her rants. In fact, it almost felt like I lived through her stories to avoid living my own life.

Maybe this explained why my life was so dull without her.

This park was full of evidence that she existed and I could no longer see its random elements without feeling her presence.

The leaves falling onto the grass were not just that anymore; they were the leaves that adorned her sketching pads in autumn. The gentle breeze caressing the branches was not only that; it was the breeze in her hair as she ran onto the grass early in the morning.

Why on earth did I choose to meet Avan here?

Avan didn't interrupt me. He looked just as preoccupied as I was.

"What are you thinking about?" he finally asked after a while, breaking through the awkward silence that had settled between us.

"Her," I answered. There was no point in lying to him. "I'm always thinking about her."

"Do you remember when she fell asleep here?" he asked.

Of course I remembered. I couldn't forget anything about her... I didn't want to.

Riley usually had her head in the clouds. We shouldn't have been surprised when she forgot her phone home and didn't come back for five hours but it still sent Dad, Avan, and I into a frenzy.