Awe - Harry Styles

(60) going home angry

AMELIA ELAYNE MOORE

"Then what is it?" He kisses my forehead softly, "I won't be angry with anything you tell me, you know that."

"She said we're spending too much time together." I blurt out, almost making the whole sentence sound like one word.

"Oh."

"Oh?" I question, not in an angry manner just a confused one. "That's all?" I run my fingers through his curls as his eyes stayed locked with mine, though I can't find any emotion inside his green ones.

"I mean.. I don't really know what to say." He frowns but keeps his eyes locked with mine, his face softening by my endearing actions. "I can see why she'd say that, she mentioned something to me at our session too."

That bitch. She couldn't tell me that.

Well. Patient confidentiality or whatever, I guess I'll let her off the hook for that one.

"What do you think about?" Harry questions me and now he's the one searching my eyes for a reaction instead of the other way around.

I purse my lips together in thought for a moment before answering, "Like you said, I understand what she's saying, but it doesn't mean I like it just because I agree with it. I know it'll be good for us in the long run, just in case anything happens and for when you go on tour, but I do hate having to give up my time with you."

"I feel the same way." He speaks in relief, like he was expecting a different reaction from me before he gets a bit nervous. "I guess I shouldn't ask you what I wanted to then."

He starts to fiddle with the hem of my sweater, breaking eye contact from me and bringing his lip into his mouth. I take a hold of his chin, making him lock eyes with me once more.

"Tell me, please."

Harry tries to look anywhere else besides my eyes which proves to be difficult with his head in my hands, but he seems to be doing it well as he speaks.

"The other day while I was waiting for you in the bar, Mia and Matthew were down there." I nod as he speaks so he knows I'm listening, "They asked me about tour and how things would work out and I said I wanted you to visit as much as you could, and they said that if you wanted to stay for the whole tour with me, they could take over at Canyon Moon."

I widen my eyes, letting go of his head and he holds it up himself. "Harry.. that's not spending time apart.. and Canyon Moon is my business, I trust Mia and Matthew completely but I can't put (1) that amount of stress and responsibility on them, and (2) trust that everything will run the way I do things. I just can't."

"What if you sell Canyon Moon to them? So you don't have to deal with that anymore? I mean, you've mentioned to me before you've always thought about what you could do if you didn't have to own the bar anymore and I'm sure Mary wouldn't care. We could talk to-"

"Woah, woah, woah." I cut him off and hop off the counter, "You've already planned this all out? Without even asking me anything about it all? That bar is the only connection I have to Eddie, and you know that."

I'm beginning to get a bit angry. I know he's only done this in a caring way, but I don't enjoy it at all. The therapist said we can't have our lives becoming one, so he decides that my life should just become his? I don't think so.

Canyon Moon is like my child, for lack of better words. I can't just abandon it, and even if Mia and Matthew said they'd take care of it for a couple months while I go on tour with Harry, that doesn't mean they want to have it for the rest of their lives.

I promised both of my grandparents, especially Eddie, that I would never let Canyon Moon go downhill, that I would take care of their project for the rest of my life.

I won't let the last thing Mary remembers is me going back on the promise I made to them both.

"Well I didn't see an issue with planning it out." Harry tries to stay calm with my anger towards him, but I can see his own anger peeking through. "We're in a serious relationship and we both want this to last, so why wouldn't we take the next step?"

"The next step?!" I retort, "How is changing my whole life the next step for us? That's not the next step at all, that shouldn't even be a damn step, Harry."

"What's up with you, Amelia? You never used to get angry like this! You always just agreed with me and were calm about everything!"

That's my breaking point. If I stay any longer, I'm going to say things I can't take back so I grab my keys and walk past him.

"I've changed, Harry. I'm sorry I'm not a damn pushover anymore, but we both knew going into this that we both changed so if that's not good enough for you now, then just end things like you did last time."

He follows me out the door, not letting this end on a bad note. "You can't keep using that's against me! It's not fair, you told me you understood why I did what I did, so why can't you just stop bringing it up?"

I spin around, "Because that's what changed me, Harry! Just because I understood why you did it doesn't mean I liked it!" I turn back around and grab onto the doorknob, turning it and opening the door but Harry pushes on it lightly to stop it.

He doesn't slam his hand down or show any signs of bad anger, he's not the type of person to do that. He simply just doesn't want me to leave angry and in a fight with him.

"Amelia, don't leave right now. It's not right."

I blow out a breath, knowing what I'm doing is wrong but needing to do it anyways.

"I just need time to think, okay? You're trying to change my whole life, and I can't take it right now. Just.. just give me some time. I'm going to go visit Mary and talk to her.."

He moves his hand, letting me open the door and I walk out, heading straight to my Jeep without looking back. I begin to cry, but I don't even know why.

I don't think I'm crying over him anymore, but the thought of selling Canyon Moon and breaking that promise I made to Eddie and Mary on Eddie's deathbed hits me harder than anything else.

Because Harry's not the only one who has considered it.

••••••••

sorry if i update a bit too much, i hate having drafts sit there so the second i finish writing them, i post them.

all the love in the world

olive