Behind Those Steel Bars

8. Near Death, But Maybe Already Dead

*Gerard's POV*

I laid on the bed in the glass cell. A doctor came in, normally they would tell me to prepare for the needle, hut they didn't. I didn't put up a fight because they didn't warn me.

They left a meal, it was actual food rather than unrecognizable vegetables. The nurse told me Frank insisted that I ate and ate actual food. I ate the food, and my tongue could barely taste it, but I savoured every bit. I forced it all down my throat. I had to keep it down.

"Why did you yell at him, dumbass?" I asked myself, I put my face in my hands. "What if you don't see him again?" I asked. I went up and tugged on my hair. Every movement hurt, everything hurt. Even nonexistent bones and muscles hurt.

Dr. Alphonse walked in he had some pills in his hand. He approached me, a grim expression on his face. He gave me the three pills and the cup of water.

"Can I see Pansy?" I asked.

"You yelled at him last time. Are you sure?" Dr. Alphonse asked.

"I feel dead, I at least want to be on good terms with him before I die." I stated.

"Alright, I'll see what I can do." Dr. Alphonse said, he turned and left me, I sat, just observing the doctors through the glass walls. Oh, I wanted to break those walls, smash them and listen to the shattering glass.

I couldn't break them, I could barely stand on my own.

Dead, dead, DEAD.

I felt dead, I felt dying. I was dying, i was already dead. I didn't want Frank to think I hated him before I did slip away.

Dying, dying, DYING.

I'm dying and there is nothing i can do about it. I'm diseased, I'm walking death. I would rather be dead than dying.

I was contemplating a plan to cause my death to come faster, but that's when he walked in. The love of my life, hell, he saved my life. I fell so hard for him, I had no idea what I would have done without him. I would be dead, I would have had twenty more corpses caused by my hand.

Frank hesitantly came closer. I looked at him, what would he do if i died? He looked depressed, he looked scared of me.

"Gee." Frank said, he shifted on his feet. I put my legs off the side of the bed. My feet touched the floor, it felt different. I got myself to my feet, my body was threatening to collapse, everything hurt. I was about to go down, but Frank reached out, grabbed my arm and kept me on my feet.

I looked at him, our eyes were locked. I focused my vision, forced it to go from cloudy to clear. His face was beautiful, from his black fringe, to his golden brown eyes, the way his jaw slides to his chin, his gentle pink lips. I took a deep breath, I leaned and wrapped my arms around him. I held tight, I never knew when my last time of touching him would be.

"Frank." I whispered in his ear, I felt his arms go around me, pulling me against him as I pulled him against me. I felt his body shudder, he was crying, down in tears, weak and vulnerable. "I love you." I whispered. I kissed just below his ear. He broke down into harsh loud sobs.

"I love y-you too!" Frank cried, his hands balled up into fists. His muscles strained as he held me tighter. He knew I was dying. We all knew. I held him, kissed his neck, cheek, jaw. I lingered inches away from his own lips.

"Stay with me?" I asked. I knew that it was against the rules, but I didn't care.

"Sure." Frank croaked. We stood like that for a while. I saw a few doctors talking to Dr. Alphonse near the door, they were looking at us.

A bit later, they shut the lights off, it must have been late. I laid down and pulled Frank beside me. It was a tight fit, but I liked the closeness of it. I pulled the blankets up over us and felt his chest expanding against mine.

I felt his head resting on my chest, we were in complete darkness, a mode of solitude. The only noise was us breathing, shifting, being together. I ran my fingers through his soft hair, I knew he was listening to my heart. I linked our fingers together, his palm was very hot against mine.

"You're so cold." Frank said, his soft voice broke the silence, like a blade through butter.

"You're warm." I replied, he shifted so he was more on me, his warmth over my body. Our legs became tangled. "Its nice." I mumbled.

"I miss you, Gee." Frank whispered, he sniffled. "I miss hiding you in the loft, where nothing was to worry about."

"I miss that too." I told him. Frank looked at me, he kissed the underside of my jaw. I felt his hand go by my head, his fingers gripped my hair.

"I miss kissing you, hearing your voice, having your arms around me." Frank whispered. "Everything changed since you and I came here, but I understand why. You're sick." Frank said.

"I miss all of that too." I replied. He moved overtop of me, hid hands propping himself up beside my shoulders. I could slightly see his face in the darkness. The doctory machines bad a bit of lights on them, they gave me enough light to see him.

"I'm so surprised." Frank whispered. "Out of all people, I fell for you, a fucking murderer. I watched you kill, too! But, I'm so happy, because you're amazing. I love you so much, Gerard. You'd never believe it." Frank said, his voice kept cracking. I reached up, stroked his cheek and pulled him down, our lips pressed together.

It was a kiss within every emotion, sadness, pain, fear, anger, love, longing, happiness, grief, life, and death. I tangled my fingers in his hair. The kiss deepened, lips parted, tongues met. Our love expanded.

"I feel like this is my last night." I told him, our lips centimetres apart. "Let me spend it with you." I whispered, he kissed me hard. We laid close to each other, arms around. Held together. This, this was living.

Dying, dying, LIVING.

************

A/N: so...this chapter took like five hours of a school day to write. And Uhm, it was hard and made me super emotional.

What did you guys think? Please give me your response in the comments. Thanks.

~I Think People Are Afraid Of Death, But Mostly I Think People Are Afraid Of Living.

XoXog