SARAH PAULSON|♡|Mental Health X-readers

Dr. Ellie Staple|♡|Coronavirus Phone Session

🚫TW - eating disorder discussion🚫

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You watch the flame of the candle next to your bed, lost in it's hypnotic flicker. You jump as your ringtone snaps you out of your head, fumbling around in the soft bed sheets for your phone.
You smile at the name that's lit up on the screen - it's been weeks since you last heard her voice.

Video call? I look like shit-

You answer, quickly turning your camera off. Dr.Ellie's calm demeanour quickly puts you at ease and you feel your jaw unclench.

"Hello (y/n). I've been doing a lot of video calls, I just hit the button automatically. I apologise if I caused you any anxiety, I understand you might not feel comfortable talking back to me on camera. Can you see me alright?"

"Hi, that's okay, I can see you fine."

"So you've been having difficulties with your eating habits?"

You feel awkward jumping right into the session after not talking to her for so long, but you figure you may as well rip the band-aid off.

"Y-yeah I mean...Nothing's the same anymore, I don't know what to do. I feel like I don't have control over anything."

"Except your eating?"

"Yeah."

"It's completely understandable. Have you managed to eat anything at all today?"

"Erm, I had like a bowl of cereal before I guess. I'm not really hungry right now."

You can feel your stomach flipping.

"These are unprecedented times. We've all been finding our own ways to deal with it the best we can. I'm just keen to make sure you're looking after yourself to the best of your ability. I understand what it's like to feel out of control, truly. "

The older redhead lets out a soft chuckle. Her honesty makes you feel less guilty about how you've been dealing with things lately.

"I guess I just feel like I let my parents down and myself, going back to restricting. I was doing okay. But this has just set me right back and it just feels..."

"Hopeless?" Dr.Ellie gives you a warm smile on the other side of the phone screen.

"Yeah."

"On days like that - of which I'm sure there have been a lot more than usual, it's more important than ever to try and do something, anything. Something you feel like you can manage without causing any further anxiety- a short walk, a video call with a friend etc. But some days maybe all you can do is lie in bed and exist. That's okay. That is you doing the best you can to look after yourself and you mustn't feel guilty. We all have an inner voice and at times like this it can take advantage of the darkness inside us. It takes a long time to change the way we talk to ourselves but next time you feel that way, see if you can say to yourself 'it's okay' and remember your feelings are valid in the moment, always. And if you can't change your own inner voice, surely I've been talking long enough to have ingrained my voice in your brain."

You let out the first genuine laugh you've had in days - relieved you've finally found a therapist who speaks to you like a person and not some fragile freak who's poised to break at any given moment.

"I hope it's stuck in my head, I think it'll help. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Have you been watching much of the news throughout the day?"

"I watch in the mornings sometimes, my parents have it on downstairs."

"I see. I must say I always wait for my Google alerts to flash up on my phone or laptop - if it's something important the information always finds me. So tomorrow, do you think you'll be able to challenge yourself to do something small?"

"Like what?"

"Just something to look after yourself, something that makes you feel good if only for a little while. Can you think of anything?"

"I guess I like to write?"

"A creative soul?"

"I'm not sure I'm any good but I guess."

"Tomorrow then, if you could write let's say a page or half a page even - whatever you feel like writing. And get lost in it, do it for yourself. And you don't have to share it with me of course, if you say you've written something I'll take your word. But when tomorrow comes, if you don't feel like writing, maybe you feel like going for a walk or watching your favourite film then do that instead. No pressure, okay?"

"Okay, I will. I promise I'll do something."

"Well done sweetheart. That's the end of our session today - but we'll speak again next week, okay?"

"Sure, thank you Dr.Ellie."

"Ellie."

You smile. "Bye."

"Goodnight, take care."

You hang up and sink back into the serene glow of the candle flame, feeling a renewed positivity for tomorrow.
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Hello 👋🏽 I know, I've not updated anything for months. It's a mad world we're all living in atm and I just haven't been feeling it (we're back in lockdown here in the UK 🔒). Will try to update next week ♡.