not in love! | THE SIDEMEN

xxiii. nothing embarassing about bodily functions

"IS IT... A STRIP CLUB?" Lennon questioned - her fourth enquiry in the last five minutes. The brunette girl was impatient at the best of times, and simply couldn't wait for Harry to finally tell her where they were going for their first date.

First date, the words rang in her mind again. Never had Lennon Allen been on a single date, never mind a first or last. The experience was altogether new to her and completely terrifying all the same. All day she had been recalling how every romantic comedy she had ever been enforced to watch went down, but somehow she didn't think Harry was going to sweetly walk her to her door to kiss her goodbye. Knowing herself and the man she was along with, Lennon guessed their night would end in a round of heated sex back at her flat. And that was just fine with her.

But before that, they had to test the waters of their non-sexual feelings toward each other.

"Why would I take you to a strip club what kind of scumbag do you think I am?" Harry recoiled in disgust, keeping one hand firmly on the wheel as he turned through the streets of the city. Lennon was taking mental notes on everything, and guessed from the fact he was driving they wouldn't be going somewhere alcohol was provided.

Or rather, she liked to hope they wouldn't be if he was driving.

"You're exactly that type of scumbag, Harry," Lennon burst out a laugh, "or you'd take me and be like 'look! All these half-naked women and I've only got eyes on you!'"

"You don't know me at all then if that's your opinion!" He answered in a huff, spying her body perk up as he began to pull into an underground parking lot that was just down the street from their destination.

With the ends of her nerves wired, Lennon was practically bouncing once she stepped out of the car. As her mind raced a mile a minute, she settled instead on talking animatedly to distract from her overthinking.

"Well I know that you shave your balls and say that you don't," she hummed as she dramatically puckered in lips in thought. "I know that you're scared of buttons, you've definitely used my toothbrush because sometimes it's randomly damp - which is disgusting by the way and I'm gonna get violent next time you do it. I know you're actually quite clean and organised but you have this one drawer in your room that's full of sweets and old pennies that really needs clearing out but you don't seem to want to do it. Also, you love oversized hoodies and you like when I wear red. See? I know you."

"Stalker alert," he smirked playfully, narrowing his eyes at her as they found themselves hand in hand walking down the street. "Well then I know something about you, too. I know you lie when I'm in the flat and say you're going to the shower but really you're going to the toilet and don't want me to hear you."

Lennon audibly gasped at the revelation, stopping mid-step with an agape mouth. Her cheeks burned red immediately, only deepening as his booming laughter echoed down the still-busy street.

"I do not!" She protested, eyes wide with mortification. If Harry didn't know before, he certainly knew now by her reaction. "Why would you mention that on a first date?! That's for, like, an old couple that's been together for ages!"

"There's nothing embarrassing about a bit of bodily function, Len'!" Harry exclaimed loudly, shaming her further as bystanders glanced over noisily.

"Was this your first date plan?" She demanded, crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly. "To take me out and shame me for trying to conceal the fact that girls pee!"

Harry shook his head and adopted a momentary serious expression, before raising an eyebrow and cracking all over again as he asked, "just pee?"

The result was a firm whack on his upper bicep.