30 Days with Fina

Day 29

30 Days with Fina by JellOfAllTrades
Chapter 29

Maybe I'm tired or maybe I'm just bored, but I just found myself absentmindedly staring at the wall of Fina's private room for the last five or maybe ten minutes.

Fina hasn't woken up yet from last night's episode and we're not sure if she's gotten any better. Tita Nani wasn't sure if she would accept the offer of doing laundry for her boss but I assured her I would stay and look after her daughter and so here I am, alone in this silent room with nothing and no one to entertain me.

"I should have brought my book," I said to myself, thinking of the dozens of economics book I have back in Manila. With this boredom, I wouldn't even hesitate to read Niccolo Machiavelli again.

Minutes passed by and they felt like hours to me, the ticking of the wall clock becoming more and more of an irritating sound.

"Damn, do I hate waiting," I whispered to myself, supporting my chin with my right hand. I stared at Fina's calm face and thought of how peaceful her sleep is.

After maybe an hour or a few minutes, I'm not really sure, Fina's face scrunched up and she moaned.

I stood up and moved closer to her, waiting for any reaction. "Fina?"

She opened her eyes and she looked around the room, lost again. I let out a disappointed sigh and a small smile, at least she's awake. "Hi, Fina. Good morning."

"Jell," She croaked, her throat dry. I get her water jug and let her sip. She smiled afterward and tilted her head sideways, looking somewhere to my side. Her eyes still convey slight comprehension of her surroundings but obviously not total awareness.

I sit down beside her bed and watch her look around the room, moaning occasionally.

"At least di ka na sumisigaw," I said to her conversationally even if I know she's not going to reply properly.

I was like that for an hour, talking to her like she would understand me until Fina got tired and decided to close her eyes and sleep. So I slept too. Not because I'm tired but because I don't have any idea what to do.

Later that evening, after feeding Fina, Tita Nani let me sleep on the couch while she watched over Fina. Maybe an hour passed and I woke up to Fina's screaming again that she doesn't want to die. Not caring if my hair's a mess, I stand up and approach her bed. When she screamed out my name, my heart ached because I don't know what to do to help her.

"Jellane," She cried as Tita Nani went out of the room again to call the doctor.

"Andito ako," I said, holding her hand. "Andito lang ako, Fina."

She started coughing badly so I started to panic and frequently check the door for Tita Nani. When she started to cough blood, that's when my heart started to pound.

"Fina? Fina, are you with me?" I asked, shaking her hand. "Fina, wag kang mawawalan ng malay. Parating na yung doctor mo."

And true enough, just a second after I said that, the door burst open and came in are Tita Nani and Fina's doctor and nurse.

As they checked Fina's vitals, she heaved and then puked dark blood on her bed and on the floor like she did that day on the Letter C. I watched in horror as tears streamed down her cheeks, her yellowish eyes like lost orbs looking for something within the room but finding none. Tita Nani whimpered beside me, holding me tight as she saw what is happening to her daughter.

The doctor said something to the nurse and she ran outside, probably to call for help. We stood there on one side of the room, watching the doctor try to help Fina. When the nurse came back, she brought with her another doctor and a couple more nurses before approaching us and asking us to leave the room.

Tita Nani broke down outside and all I could do is hug her and tell her Fina's going to be all right. After waiting for half an hour and making sure Tita Nani's calmed down, I left.

Everybody who knew me would know that when things are getting worse for me I would walk away and calm myself before coming back to face the problem. They knew that I always want to take my time to evaluate the situation and I always do it somewhere quiet.

I was on my way out of the hospital but a small sign on the end of the hallway caught my attention. Why I stopped in front of that sign, I don't know but I entered that small room, finding comfort in the silence it brought.

The praying room is as small as Fina's private room and it is filled with short benches and kneeling cushions. A carved wooden crucifix hangs on the front wall, it's spotlights highlighting it in the room and giving it an oddly floating look.

I sat on one bench and looked around the room. There are a few flowers in the room so the smell of sampaguita, lilies, and whatever those sunflower looking flowers are called wafted around the airconditioned space.

I closed my eyes and try to forget what had just happened to Fina but couldn't get the blood puking out of mind.

It hurts me to see Fina like that. I don't want her in pain and I don't want to see Tita Nani upset too. I wish she would get better because I want to be with her, I want to spend more time with her and I don't certainly want her to die.

I was almost to tears and I couldn't do anything for Fina. With the crucifix in front of me, I decided it wouldn't hurt to ask for His help. I knelt.

"Hi, I-I'm not really sure why I'm talking to you but this is it. I can't do anything to help Fina and asking for your help is what people do." I murmur, staring at the crucifix. "At least what Christians do."

I close my eyes and finally put my hands together, not sure if it would be okay to make the sign of the cross with everything I've done in my life. I might get on fire. Kidding, I'm just not sure it would be wise to do that when I don't really believe in Him that much.

I knelt there, not sure what to do next. Staring at the cross, I let out a sigh.

"Look, Fina's important to me even though I've only spent a short amount of time with her. She makes me laugh, she makes me happy and she made me appreciate the simple things in life." I said, conversationally to the cross. "I don't know that many people. I mean, I do have friends in Manila that makes me laugh and happy, but Fina's different."

I let out another sigh. "I went to church with her and back when I was a kid, attending mass is like torture to me, with her it seems like the most natural thing to do. I didn't even get bored in mass with her and that's saying something considering I get bored easily when I'm not interested in the lecture. I mean, if it weren't for her I won't even consider doing this. Fina told me stories about St. Peter and Jacob and Rachel and she's wonderful. She reads the Bible and takes it to heart. She's kind and helpful and smart and beautiful and..."

Swallowing the dreaded thoughts of what I saw, I blinked back the tears. "Don't take her. I need her. Her parents need her. The orphans need her here. Don't take her away from us, please. Gusto ko pa siya makasama."

Sniffing, I close my eyes and imagined Fina's smiling face. "Give us more time. Give her more time."

After praying, I returned to Fina's private room. Tita Nani is not outside the corridor so I went in and saw her by Fina's bed.

"Fina," I approached them and held my friend's hand. She's cold as usual but she's all right. They've put an oxygen mask over her face but she's all right and that's all I needed to know.

Relief washed over me when she opened her eyes and they instantly settled on me. I smiled at her. "Hi, Fina."

She whispered something that I couldn't hear over the mask and her eyes searched the room. Still not totally aware, I guess. But that's better than screaming, flailing, coughing or puking blood.

She kept on whispering and so I moved my ear closer to listen.

"Jellane...Yung paper ko sa history hindi ko pa natatapos.....Pakitawag si Jonathan saka yung council....Jellane....Si Angel tinatawanan ako...Jellane...Jellane, ang ganda ng name mo. Parang jelly ace." She whispered to an unknown person, her eyes roaming the room.

I smiled, at least hallucinating is better than what happened earlier.

"Fina? Wag ka na magsalita. Baka mapagod ka. Tulog ka na, please?" I whisper to her ear. She turned towards me and blinked as if not seeing me clearly.

"Jell?" She said softly. "Jell, punta tayong playground?"

I chuckle. "Pag magaling ka na, Fina, pupunta tayo."

"Gusto kong chicken. Mama, ulam tayo ng chicken." She said.

I shook my head, yep. Hallucinating.

Tita Nani has been watching me and when I turned to look at her, she just smiled tiredly at me. "Nakausap ko na yung doctor. Gagaling din si Fina."

I nodded, assured that Fina will be okay. Seeing her awake is all I need to be assured that she'll be fine.

"Fina?" I say softly to my friend. "Andito lang ako. Get better, okay?"

Fina must have understood me a bit because she smiled and closed her eyes to sleep.