Be my omega...

8

He picked me up as he stood up and headed to the bathroom. We cleaned up our faces and I examined my body. Luckily I had only a few light bruises. "Do you have a problem with your arms?" Xavier asked randomly. "What..?" I asked and he studied me. "You've always got them covered except during your heat." He said and I blushed. He totally got me. I nodded slightly and looked at my feet. I felt him grab the rim of my shirt and pull it over my head. "What are yo-" I started but he hushed me. He grabbed my hand and kissed my wrist and started covering my arm in little kisses. "Xavier what are you doing? This is awkward..." I whispered and he smiled. "I want to kiss everything you're insecure about so you can see how much I love it. Everything about you is beautiful." He said and my face blew up red. He continued trailing kisses on my arms and I laughed around the tickle-ish areas. He put my shirt back on and he waited for me outside. I brushed my teeth and as I came out the bathroom I jumped on his back. He held me in place on his back and headed down stairs. The group laughed at our situation and I jumped down. I ran over and hugged Kevin. "Oh forgive me Onii-san!" I fake cried on Kevin and he let out a sigh with a grin. As we all lighten the situation they mentioned that the house was all set up. Everyone had a room and there were some spares so they became guest bedrooms. Xavier was saying that because he had said it would be cool if my siblings stayed sometimes to visit. We talked about the ball happening and eventually everyone ended leaving to get ready. I somehow ended up in a car with Giselle, Izzie, and Jace who decided to drag me along for dress shopping. Everyone will be there. My family and all their friends and mates. It's going to be pretty fun.

"You should totally get this one!" "No she'd look better in this!" Izzie and Jace fought over what I should wear. They were trying to help me since they already got their dresses. They had clear ideas of what they looked good in. Me however had no clue. Why is this so hard for me..? "Having some trouble?" Giselle softy approached me. "May I be...extremely honest with you?" I asked without taking my eyes off the large array of dresses in front of me. She gave me a really comforting smile that make me feel so much better. She had the warmth of a mother and at the moment she was enough to help just as much as my mom would. "I never wear dresses. I have no idea what to pick or where to start. Right now I don't even feel like myself. When I look at all these dresses...I see them wearing me. I try to picture myself in a dress and what I see looks really...bad?" I saw looking at my feet with hatred. I don't know why I was so angry and why I felt so horrible. I made fists and Giselle grabbed one. She guided my hand to the one right in front of me and used my hand to grab it. I lowered it down and looked at the dress and then her. "Start with trying something out. Even if it's your first time you try it and do your best. Doing your best makes you feel better because you can accept that you did everything in your power." She said as she gently pushed me to the changing room. Once inside I looked at the dress as I clinched it aggressively.
Try
I took my clothes off and slip the dress on. I turned to look in the mirror and studied myself. The dress was an emerald color with a slightly ombré to black at the bottom. The dress had bell sleeves and the top was a 'U' neck. I don't like this dress and I certainly don't like how it made me feel. I bit back tears and after a second I choked on air. The gasp I let out was followed by sobbing. "Giselle...it didn't work I-I hate it-" I said as I grabbed the handle and opened the door. The next part I didn't mean to say but the sobbed wouldn't let me keep it in. "And I hate myself!" I spoke up a bit with my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to face her. Closing my eyes so I didn't have to face anything.
"Zea..."
He rang and I opened my eyes abruptly. "Xavier?! N-no wait..." I called out and Giselle looked at me slightly shocked. Izzie and Jace were no where to be seen to my luck but Xavier was still staring at me. "I-I didn't mean to say it! You weren't supposed to hear that..." I said and Giselle looked at the phone as she nodded before handing it to me. As she left Xavier let out a sigh. I whimpered and looked at him. "I swear...I'm trying. I want to be a good omega for you Xavier." I sniffed. "I don't want you to be a good omega for me." He said and looked like he was thinking hard. "I want you to be a confident omega for yourself. I just want you to love yourself like I love you." He said and he sounded devastated. I bit my lip. "I love you too." I whispered and he shook his head slowly as his eyes closed? No? What? "W-what?" I asked and he remained silent. "I don't really have anything to say to you right now Zea..." My mate just expressed to me. I furrowed my eyebrows as my lip quivered. "I...Xa-" My voice trembled before he cut me off. "Bye" was all he said and I sobbed and tried to tell him not to hang up but he did. I sniffed aggressively and my whole body was shaking. My brain was raking through some much at once and my heart was about to fall out of my chest. I ran outside and vomited for the second time today. Still I vomited nothing because I hadn't eaten yet and it burned my throat. "Woah what happened?!" The gang rushed over. I passed Giselle her phone as Izzie held my hair back for me to continue throwing up. I held my stomach as I emptied it even more. Jace looked away from his pregnancy and I felt worst. The last one hurt too but I was finally done puking. Jace passed me a napkin and water with his eyes closed and nose covered. "Zea is so sorry. She didn't mean to cause a scene like always..." I whispered and Izzie rubbed my back. "That's fine Zea...we are here to support you no matter what." Jace said and I felt stupid fresh tears trickledown my face. "Why..?" I mumbled and Giselle asked what I said and I repeated myself loudly. "Why?! Fucking why?! All everyone ever does is care...for her! When she doesn't deserve it. Zea doesn't deserve her family, her friends, or her mate! If she would have-" I said with so much anger and they looked at me concerned. "If she would have killed myself a long time ago Zea is confident everyone would have been better off." I said and walked away. They called after me and I didn't care. I still had this damn dress on so I went inside to take it off and put my clothes back on. Instead of leaving through the front door I took the side door. I just took deep breaths and walked far away from the building. I pulled out my phone and told Giselle to leave with a text and she refused. I convinced her after awhile and told her I'd be home in a moment.

-Xavier-
The girls pulled up and I got up to get ready and apologize to Zea. I'd comfort her as well because it must have been hard feeling horrible then having your stupid mate, of all people, to come down on you too. I was so stuck and I didn't want to talk but I should have tried. I watched them walk in and-
"Where the fuck is Zea?!" I yelled in an Alpha tone. They whimpered a bit but I didn't give in. "WHAT THE HELL FUCKING HAPPENED?!" I boomed and Jace teared up in fear. They were shaking and they guys came running down. "Hey?! Don't yell at them like that! What's going on?!" Tanner said as he rushed to soothe Izzie who was wheezing. "You could stress out Jace and mess with the baby?!" Aaru panicked and hugged Jace who was sobbing. "Come on, Xavier. That's not cool. Use your words properly first. These are your friends." Callum scolded me as Giselle ran up to him. Shit shit shit. They are right and I would be upset if someone treated my mate like that. "I apologize...but Zea?" I spoke and Jace stuttered to let out was he was going to say. "S-she said she should have...I-" Jace cried and covered his face. "What did she say?" I asked concerned. "That if she had ki-killed herself a long time ago everyone would have been better off..." Giselle softy mumbled but loud enough for me to hear. "Then she walked away and told us to leave and she'll come back home later." Izzie added after she stopped her wheezing. I stood there as my body shook. I covered my mouth as I let out something I never do. A sob. A muffled sob but a sob none the less. She can't do that. She isn't going to. Aaru had stepped towards me and I noticed I had actually been crying in front of the others. I've never done that before and I felt vulnerable so I just jogged out of the house and grabbed my keys. They were at the mall. I can find her somewhere out there...alive!

-Zea-
I looked at myself in the mirror in a new dress. I promised myself as I looked over that cliff that I was not going to do that. Xavier lost his mother from suicide and I'm not going to cause the people I love pain just because I can't handle being me. I told myself that I was going to find a dress I loved and then all go home. Even if it takes awhile. I had already walked closer to the house so I picked a dress shop near here. Again I studied myself in the seventh dress I put on today. This dress was sleeveless and hugged my waist. The top was rounded to fit my chest and the bottom was a short loose pleated shirt. The dress was light blue and had simple but pretty look do it. This time when I looked at myself I felt better. I wasn't disgusted and I thought about how Xavier might like this dress. I changed and brought it to the counter with me. About an hour has passed so I need to hurry back. I'm so glad I'm pretty close. I picked up some accessories to go with the dress as I waited. Once I paid I walked quickly back to the house.
~~~
As I walked to the house I felt a lot of calming beta pheromones overwhelming the rest of the distressed scents. I rushed in and noticed the groups comforting someone and then I noticed it was...mate. I immediately could sense all of the pain he was feeling. "X-X-Xavier...." my voice trembling as I dropped my bag. He tensed up and looked back at me with red eyes. He wore a dejected expression that immediately melted into a relieved one. I looked at him mortified at what I did and he quickly rushed over to me. He crushed me with a hug and I bit my lip and closed my eyes as I buried my face in his chest. We had stayed there for a moment and we heard the others leave. "I thought- I thought I lost you..." he said and I croaked. "Zea...she's incredibly sorry. She regrets doing this to mate..." I whispered and breathed in his scent. "Promise me! You're never going to scare me like that! Promise me you won't leave me!" He said and for once Xavier sounded completely broken. Every wall of alpha he had was down and I was to blame for that. Why can't I just do right? "Xavier...Zea is sorry. She will never leave you. She...I-I promise." I switched in and out of third person. I released my pheromones to calm him down and he loosened his tight scared hold into a warm loving embrace. I hurt mate so bad. I did this. I'm so sorry. "Please forgive me. I apologize." I told him and he smelled my hair. I listened as his breathing calmed down and he picked me up. I held onto his torso with my arms and legs and he grabbed my bag. I rested my head in his neck and he walked upstairs.