• 𝐍𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐬 𝐓𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐬 • ᴛ.ᴄʜᴀʟᴀᴍᴇᴛ

• 4 •

  "Lola?" I hear coming from downstairs. I can't quite recognize the voice calling out to me. I fell asleep on the ground. Cuddled up to my teddy bear. The one Timothee gave me when he loved me. I don't even know if he ever loved me anymore. I don't know how long he cheated on me. I groan and hold my head when I get up. I need food. I didn't eat anything yesterday. "Lola!"
  I look up at Jessica who's standing in my doorway. She has her phone in her hand. She looks worried and her breathing becomes heavy when she runs over to me. Wait? How long have I been laying here?
  "Jess?" I ask and she smiles at me. With tears in her eyes.
  "Yes, it's me, Lola. We were all worried." She says making me tilt my head.
  "It was only one day," I say. She tilts her head and shakes her head.
  "Lola, you haven't been answering anyone for four days," Jessica says. "Have you been laying here for four days?"
  "Four days?!" I say and try to get up. But fail and fall back immediately.
  "Come on, you need a bath." Jessica helps me get up and sits me down on the toilet. She turns on the water and waits for it to fill up. She walks into my closet and brings a new outfit to me. "Arms."
  I raise my arms and let her take my shirt off. She makes me stand up and helps me take the rest of my clothes. Jess holds my hand as I get in the full bathtub. The warm water welcoming my body. She begins to wash my body and brings the water to my hair.
  "What happened, Lola?" Jessica asks as she puts the shampoo on my hair. Slowly massaging my head.
  "He doesn't love me anymore," I say and realize that was the first time I've accepted it. I still haven't fully accepted it. Timothee loved me. Timothee loved me. And I love him.
  "He was seen with another girl," Jessica says.
  "Is she pretty?" I ask and feel the warm water from the small Tupperware meets my back. I shiver when the water slides down my back.
  "Not as pretty as you." She says making me look at her.
  "She's beautiful isn't she?" I ask her. She doesn't answer making me look back at the water.
  "You can't hurt yourself like this anymore," Jess says as she washes my hair. Applying conditioner after.
"I love him."

———————

"Jess I already said I'm fine," I say. Jessica wanted to stay over and make sure I was fine. I wasn't fine. I just simply didn't feel anything. I felt numb. I felt empty.
"I'm staying, Lola." She says and gets in bed next to me. I smile at her and we both slowly start to drift off.

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"You know I love you, right?" Timothee says as he runs his hands through my hair. Softly playing with my hair. I smile at the sensation.
"I love you more," I say softly.
"There's no way." He says and I sit up slowly.
"How much do you love me?" I ask making him smile. It's these moments that I love. Timothee is the sweetest person when it's only us two. When the world isn't watching. It's only the two of us. Alone. Naked in my bedroom.
"To the moon and back." He whispers as he puts the strand of hair behind my ear. I smile and lean in slowly. He kisses my lips slowly and sweetly. Not like the ones we had a few hours ago. I just love this man too much. I love that he sleeps in my apartment now. At first, we were a bit hesitant but after a while...he just stays with me. I pull away from him and smile.
"I got an idea," I say and quickly get out of my bed. I shiver as my naked body leaves the warm blankets. I get dressed and Timothee tries to keep up.
"What?" Timothee asks.
"Just hurry!" I say and grab my backpack. He grabs his wallet and phone. I grab his hand and drag him out of my apartment. We walk in the city of new york. I search for a shop and when I find it, I drag him to it.
"Tattoo?" Timothee says and stops before we even get the chance to go to the dark shops with neon lights.
"You don't want one?" I ask as I grab his hands and kiss his cheek.
"I do...I just didn't know you wanted one." He says. I take his hand and we go to the shop. About 15 minutes later I sit down on the chair and the girl tattooing me gets ready.
"Just pull your pants down a bit." She says and I give her a nervous smile. I pull my jeans down only to uncover my left hip. She starts doing her thing and before I can even hold Timothee's hand she starts. I try my best not to groan and look at him. He holds my hand and I feel bad. I feel like I'm squeezing the life out of his hand.
"How long have you guys been together." The girl asks as she focuses on the tattoo.
"6 years." He says with a smile on his face.
"You guys look really cute together." She says with a smile.
  "Thank you," I say as I squeeze Timothee's hand. The whole time I closed my eyes and squeezed his hand. Just for a small 'T' in a nice font on my hip. After I was finished, Timothee got on my place and he tattooed an 'L' on his hip. Because I was the only one who was going to see it. And he was the only one who was going to see my hip. Timothee tried his best to not show that it hurt but I knew him. Sometimes he would quickly hold my hand tight and then let go. He didn't want to seem weak but I loved him like that. He wasn't like everyone toxic masculine guy.
  After we left the shop and paid her, we went back to my apartment. Laying on our backs on my bed with the balcony doors open. Some jazz music playing in the background. We tried our best to no sleep on our left side. I held his hand and kept myself closer to him. I don't think Timothee and I will ever break up.

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