• 𝐍𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐬 𝐓𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐬 • ᴛ.ᴄʜᴀʟᴀᴍᴇᴛ

• 13 •

TW for the song (I dont know if I have to put a tw but I just wanted to because I've heard that this song might trigger some people. I find it relaxing but I just wanted to make sure you guys know and stay safe.)

• Regret •
- feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity .

  "What are you doing here?" I ask as my back hits the door as I stepped back. I got scared but I then realized that it was just Timothee. It was still scary...the way he held the cancer stick in his fingers and kept playing with his lighter. You couldn't really tell what he was thinking of. That was what scared me most about him. When there was no emotion in his face. When his eyes looked soulless.
  "Came to grab a few things I left." Timothee finally answers as his fingers put the lighter in his pocket. His thin figure slowly sits up and makes it way to me. My feet move away from the door and try my best to keep far away.
  "Great. Now you can leave." I say as I start to feel uncomfortable. The way he looked at me. He had never looked at me that way. He had never looked so angry and disappointed as he looked right now.
  "So this is it? This is how we end?" Timothee says as his green eyes tear up.
  "We ended a long time ago." I say back. It hurt so much to say that out loud but it was as if when I said it I felt lighter. I felt better...in a way.
  "Lola...come on. You have to miss me." Timothee says as his voice breaks. I hear him take a few steps
closer to me and I close my eyes.

"I thought you loved me."

"Things end, Lola. Get over it."

"Then get the fuck out of my house."

  "It'd be a fucking honor to leave"

"I FUCKING HATE YOU! GET THE FUCK OUT!"

  "I FUCKING WILL! YOU'RE A BITCH! NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU LIKE I DID."

"YOU DIDN'T FUCKING LOVE ME."

"Baby?" I hear Timothee say making my head snap up. My angry eyes lock with his sad ones.
"Don't you dare call me baby." I say and push him away from me. I hadn't realized that he was basically hugging me. The tears that had been building in my eyes finally burst. "Do you know how much pain I'm going through, right now?"
  "YOU THINK I'M NOT SUFFERING?" Timothee yells at me making my feet take a step back by instinct. I don't like to be yelled at. It reminds me of my father. I don't like thinking about my father.
  "Don't you dare yell at me," I begin,"You're no one to talk to me like that. And you can't be suffering. Did you forget? You're the one WHO RUINED EVERYTHING."
  Timothee stays silent and I can see how hard he's holding back a few tears. But he fails and they slowly roll down his cheeks.
  "YOU RUINED IT ALL. WHAT WAS IT? WHAT IS IT?" I practically yell out my lungs. "Am I not good enough? Am...I not worth it?"
  "Oh Lola...you're worth everything. You're more than good enough-"
  "Than what was it, Timothee? Why? Why'd you have to ruin it all?"
  "I don't know." Timothee says as he looks down at his feet. Regret is clear on his eyes as he slowly looks up at me. The regret of leaving all we had. All of our love thrown out the window by the person who started our love in the first place. Gone. Just gone.
"Then I don't know what you're doing in my house still." I say as I walk pass him and throw my purse on my couch. I hear Timothee's sad sigh. I shake my head as I try not to feel bad.

He hurt you, Lola.

But he loves us still.

He cheated on us.

That wasn't our Timothee.

Whatever, you're a whore, shut up.

"Leave." I say and Timothee walks to my front door. As I poured myself a glass water I could feel Timothee give me a few last glances as he shuts my door. I let my sadness all over the room as I walk around the house. Remembering the first memory I received when I got this lovely house.

~~~~~~~~~

  "I love it!" My voice is full of excitement as I jump on to Timothee's back. His hands softly hold me up as we walk around the house. Timothee's touch was electrical even after 5 years together. The feeling of his soft skin against mine always made me
fall more in love.
  "You'll love our future house better." Timothee's lips twist up as he walks over to my black couch. Laughter fills the room when Timothee lightly throws me on to the couch.
"Come here lover boy." I say as Timothee's body hovers over me and I wrap my arms around his neck. My fingers slowly play with his fluffy hair. I smile at the feeling. His hair is soft, I almost mistake it for silk. My eyes can't decide at what to look at. My hand leaves his hair and slowly rubs his cheeks softly. What would I do if I wasn't with this man? I don't know what I would do without him.
"Look at me." Timothee whispers ever so faintly. I can barely hear it but I know what he said. My eyes flicker from my thumb on his cheek to his eyes. Green in the center but somehow he had blue around it. I can never explain the color of his eyes. I just knew euphoria filled me up every time I looked into them.
"Please never stop loving me." I say and Timothee smiles.
"I'll love you...until the day I die. Even then I'll still love you." My thoughts wonder and imagine a world where Timothee is dead. And it is purely hell. A world without Timothee is an world without flowers. A world without Timothee is a world where the sun is constantly being covered by dark clouds. Never letting a single ray of sun shine on the lonely sad people living in the world. Miserable. Sunflower petals would slowly fall to the ground if there was no Timothee. The night sky never being young again. No shiny dots painted on the sky as people walked from their miserable
jobs to their house to feed their lonely cat. And pain. Pain would fill me up with every single breath I took.
"Always?" I ask as his face reaches down and he lays a soft kiss on my cheek. My cheek heats up as I feel like an angel himself kissed me.
"Always." Timothee whispers once again as our noses meet and we stay in silence. Just enjoying the moment. Hoping that it takes forever for us to yell at each other again. Never liking the fact that we argue but still doing it at least once a week. We pray for peace as Timothee moves to lay behind me. Wrapping me in his arms as we both slowly start to drift off into our wonderful dream worlds. Where in mine, I dream of the sun smiling down at our skins as we lay on the grass. A white dress covering my body. Timothee' ethereal beauty laying next to me. I also dream of the deepest ocean. Which I usually visit after arguing with Timothee. Feeling empty. Sad.
Misunderstood. As I sink into the ocean. Deeper and deeper. It seems like there's no end. But eventually there is. And I'm greeted by my father. Reliving the only happy memory I have of him. Forgetting about all the times he yelled and ignored me. Hoping that Timothee and I will never be like that. Ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~